Thursday, December 31, 2009
BUD LIGHT! Thank you Bud Light for making swearing in the workplace absolutely hilarious! People all over the world (?) will thank you by drinking hundreds of thousands of Bud Lights this very night.
Monday, December 28, 2009
With the college Bowl games just around the corner and pro fans gearing up for playoffs, I thought this would be an appropriate ad series for today. And can I just get a "what what!" for Toyota? It's pretty unusual for car commercials to not do the suck-fanny waltz, but they came up with a whole bit that even the commentators get in on (I'm sure Toyota didn't pay through the tailpipe for that either, right?)
Yeah, why aren't there any fundraisers for ugly puppies? Or young girls (?!) going prematurely gray for that matter! I fully appreciate the paper bag gimmick though as a would-be Detroit Lions fan. I'm actually pretty surprised the Lions themselves don't show up with bags over their heads. It may be an improvement in fact. Certainly couldn't hurt matters.
The announcers dig this one too:
For more Great Moments in Tailgating History, do not. I repeat do not type "Great Moments In History" into YouTube's search field. There are a series of messed up, creepy faces that will show up. Just a heads up, yo.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Plus, despite her thumbs up cleavage, MM is an odd choice. Apparently producers think she can sing really well (see making of commercial clip below) but I just hear Karen's voice (imagine the dirty jokes that character would have made about a tub of butter!) trying to belt out a Glorious Gloria song. It doesn't suit her. What would suit her? Guest starring on 30 Rock as Tina Fey's doppelganger.
So is this supposed to be a funny commercial? Not a good sign if I have to ask, right? In the "making of video" it looks like the funniest parts were cut. I would love to see chubby checkout guys doing a bit on tubs of butter! The producers also mention her great comedic timing, but it's totally lost on me here. And it could have been hilarious! Butter (or margarine as it were) can grease up and open a Pandora's box full of funniness, innuendos, and puns!
At the very least the ICBINB people could have given us the multiple guy dancers (fresh off the male stripper boat!) instead of just the one. Can I get an "Amen"?
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Isn't it lovely? I adored it. What's that you say? You like it but what about Wednesday's Gift Idea you were promised? You can't very well wrap a bottle of shampoo and give it as a gift you say? Wellllll....
1. Sure you can!
2. But if you don't want to do that, let's put our heads together and think outside the shampoo bottle.
3. Oo! How about a gift certificate for that special somebody with dirty carpet to have Stanley Steemer come out and shampoo his or her rug?
4. No? Ok, how about offering to shampoo your neighbor's chihuahua this Chanukah?
5. A St. Bernard? That would be challenging. And he did cut your phone line this summer when he was landscaping.
6. Here's something- get the Pantene because I love this ad. Shampoo and conditioner. But throw in some fabulous bubble bath, a loofah, other delicious toiletries, and a gift cert for a massage. Put in basket and voila! You have Day 3 of Ad Bits' Gift Giving Guide.
7. You're welcome.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
But let's get down to business. I owe you one gift idea for today. And here it is: Netflix! Buy somebody the gift of endless movies. Wrightnow!
A lovable commercial because the characters are just the right amount of stupid, it references peanut brittle, and shows a dog driving a car.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Our week of gift ideas commences with... Wii! (I never said they'd be creative gift ideas).
I am reluctant to recommend the Wii because mine just told me my "Fit Age" is 67. Apparently my balance was off, prompting it to ask if I had trouble walking. So it is with a touch (read: buttload) of bitterness that I admit I still love my Wii regardless of my skewed balance test results. Plus, this commercial really embodies the Christmas spirit, what with the family competitiveness and surfacing disappointment. Congratulations Wii! Thanks to... well me, you're Ad Bits' Holiday Gift Of The Day! Weeeee! (I couldn't resist).
Thursday, December 10, 2009
I caught the tail end (pun fully and shamelessly intended) of this commercial the other day and when I YouTubed it to catch the rest I was (pleasantly!) surprised to find a slew of Meerkat commercials- all for different companies! Did these companies hire the same ad agency? If so, said agency needs a new shtick. I mean, they can't get by meerly on Meerkats! Oh ho ho! I'm killing myself over here! ("Yes Jules, and we're killing ourselves over here" readers reply). But what do you expect? You know commercials with funny animals make me giddy.
Here are a few others for you Meerkat lovers.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
These kids are darling! And talented! And they're in commercials, not say... Poltergeist: Return of the Polters. So how much damage can be done? (Please do not reference my Dec. 2 post- I will not allow my own bloggy words to be used in a (valid- I admit it! Valid!) case against me). Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your take here), I don't have the energy to parade my kids around the show biz (unless we're talking Chuck E. Cheese- fka Show Biz) so they'll have to settle for Jules' School of Awesome Commercial Dances, in which I will train them in Gap Ads 101 and force them to perform at all family functions (and for my own spontaneous amusement). Of course, first Adrienne will need to learn to walk (she can't even sit up yet- I've got her in sitting up boot camp (thank you Bumbo!) but those are issues for another blog- maybe a Hover-Mom blog). I could have her be the girl laying on the floor during the "these boots are so cute" portion. Yes! Problem solved.
Word count: 208
Parentheses count: 7 (but I've earned it! having finally learned how to embed the YouTube videos!!!!)
Oops: make that 8
Friday, December 4, 2009
So here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbJwwrUC9l4&feature=related and here are a few comments on quotes from this very ad:
a) "she was beautiful"- I'm happy her time in the loony bin didn't damage Brit's esteem!
b) "there wasn't a part of her he didn't want to touch" - He lived in the woods and was not privy to the paparazzi's uncoverings! Frankly, Monsieur Hunter, she's Toxic.
c) "so he did something kind of... crazy"- Did he shave his head and jump half naked in the ocean with dozens of strangers taking photos? No? Gosh, I must be thinking of someone else....
But Britney can't (bare) shoulder all the blame- where was her agent? Where were her friends? The Mouseketeers? The nice girls from her blockbuster, "Crossroads"? Lil sis Jamie Lynn? (Ok, I get why she was unavailable- she's got enough on her own crazy plate). My point is, a girl who is notorious for being off her nut should not try to convince consumers to buy a fragrance so they too can live in a (sedative induced?) fantasy.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Remember how angry you were with me when I dropped out of med school and decided to pursue my dancing career? You said I would never make any money, my chances of making it in showbiz were "dismal", that a mind is a terrible thing to waste! But look at me now! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVMPWlWDvsI I'm spreading holiday cheer! I'm entertaining people, promoting cute and durable clothes, and educating the general public on December holidays. Nobody taught me about the solstice in my six years of med school and now I'm chanting about it on national television!
I plan on trying out for the next season of "So You Think You Can Dance". Because I do think I can. I trust you're eating your words now and feeling guilty. It's ok. Please just send a check covering next month's rent and heating bill and we'll call it even. I could also use some new leg warmers.
See you at Christmas (any chance of getting a First Class ticket this year? I have a better chance of being discovered if I'm in First Class).
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
With T minus 24 days to finish shopping, we consumers must pay extra close attention to these commercials; without them we may not be aware of the darling scarves, efficient coffee makers, or ornate ornaments the retail world has to offer. I argue that now, more than ever, we must pay attention to the words of our advertisers!!! For they must have our best interest at heart.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
your pigs are the tops-
I love talking swine
feasting on pork chops.
A thank you to Taco Bell
and Burger King as well;
with your raps and your bun jokes
Who the hell even cares what you sell?
My little beer darlings:
Coors, Miller, and Bud Lite,
I owe you a cold one
for doing commercials up right.
A shout out to Pop Tarts,
Quiznos, and Peyton Manning.
To E-Trade, MasterCard,
And Carrot Top (who's been tanning!)
I must even say thanks
to commercials that I hate
for providing juicy material,
your suckiness makes Adbits great.
So thank you Mucinex
and your mascot who lives in a nose.
Also repulsive is Lamisil,
featuring the fungusy toes.
Thank you drippy nose faucet,
compliments of Mentos candy.
And the Yoplait uber-bitch,
you came in blogging handy.
I thank you for your work,
marketing teams great and sucky,
celebrity endorsers, and commercial actors
I think that you're just ducky.
I especially love my Adbitters,
my readers are the best!
For putting up with my jokes,
mad parentheses, bad puns, and the rest!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
But it's Thanksgiving week and among the things I'm thankful for is the discontinuation (I hope!) of the 1/2 head commercials, and Xbox's new, much cooler ad campaign!! Take a look-see:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1UzSmrBS6o Can I just say that nobody but nobody can work a windbreaker like Jane Lynch!
Xbox, I hereby pronounce you, Redeemed. You are no longer damned to the lowest depths of Adbits hell. You may resume air wave consumption.
Note: Jonesing for more Jane? Allow me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OyTmeYtKpQ&feature=channel
Saturday, November 21, 2009
I found it!!! Here it is! Now tell me these two aren't siblings in real life.
Friday, November 20, 2009
I think the toilet paper industry does an impressive job- these ads could really suck. I mean we wipe our butts with their product for heaven's sake. But we've got the cute Cottonelle puppy, the pleasant Charmin bears, and our feature product tonight... Scott tissue! I actually have never preferred Scott. I'm buying generic brand these days and still my hiney finds it cushier than Scott. (Yes, that was a spectacularly weird sentence I hope is never taken out of context). But their commercials are great! Take this one for instance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fl1L8yc_RY Naturally I love it because it utilizes phrases I use on a daily basis ("Geez Louise" is soooo underrated!), and as you well know, I have an odd penchant for commercials featuring funny costumes. Scott also has the whispering office employees (get it? Because they're so focused on being soft?) A great commercial, but frustratingly enough- not on YouTube!
Have a great weekend Adbitters- enjoy New Moon, drink Sunny D (with vodka?), and revel in your favorite choice of toilet paper.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYvOgnabABU Even in the Stone Age cigarette companies were targeting the Bam Bams and Pebbles of the world.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTSdUOC8Kac What I like about this is not George's stylin' attire or wavy locks (!), but the unnecessarily large Styrofoam case for the burger. Let's hear it for landfills! (Actually back then I believe they were just referred to as "dumps").
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVA9qLBViPc I'm sorry, did she say, "you can give your youngsters a lot of pleasure?" That's some word choice barrier we've built in the past several decades. Also, why doesn't anybody have such mad whistling skills these days?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6TIsxTdrCU&feature=related I like how Crackle has to dump a cup of sugar on his Rice Krispies before he believes they are good enough to actually eat.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExSlyoVTX3I&feature=related I've heard Good and Plentys serve as an aphrodisiac for women. Ladies? True?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVu_KM-9WnE&feature=related This would never fly today and that saddens me.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zh9OmUDY05I Yeah, we don't know where those fingers have been.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPqLB8gfGuk&feature=related Boys, I'd like to introduce you to the fist-pound.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iX45rJ7amBI&NR=1 I'd clink bottoms with you any day Mr. Reynolds. Burt if you're nasty.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Is it the ex-cheerleader in me that loves this commercial? Or just Julie the Meat Lover? Who knows? Who cares? All I know for sure is this commercial arouses many feelings for me. Besides making me laugh out loud, it makes me want to:
a) bust out my high school cheerleading uniform and do some freakin' hurkies*
b) eat meat. Now please.
c) move to a neighborhood with houses close enough to join in my backyard chants
d) watch old SNL skits with Will Ferrell and Cheri Oteri cheering (the Hillshire Farm moustache guy was clearly inspired by Ferrell, yes?)
*Note: I was unable to find a satisfactory hurkey on YouTube as a demonstration for those unaware of what a hurkey is. If you are reading this and you know me, I'd be happy to attempt one for you in person, however there's a good chance I will not only tear something in my groin region, but also irrevocably ruin my ego.
A second note: The official website for Hillshire Farm is www.GoMeat.com How many erroneous hits do they get on that site?!
Monday, November 2, 2009
Burger King! Your ingenuity knows no bounds! First, let's acknowledge the (sexy) elephant in the room- Erik Estrada is smokin' hot! Vroom vroom! Chipalicious! Of course, all he adds to the commercial's sex appeal is nullified by Carrot Top's always ridiculous presence. Although he seems to be making some kind of effort in the attractive department. Did he just get back from the University of Beefcake? I know he's been out of the orange tinted limelight for a while, but is that a muscle I see? And... a tan? So confusing! Last I saw he was doing commercials for a phone company, right? Yes! Here it is! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAiKIJSMf04 Pale Carrot Top uses pay phone! He must have really put the pressure on his agent to get him this gig with Burger King. Working along side Erik Estrada!! Great for the street cred, not so great for the self-esteem! Estrada makes CT look like... ground chuck.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Bud Light does it again! I could have titled this blog BudBits and commented strictly on Anheuser-Busch commercials for all the material they provide! I love this one in large part because of the perfectly pathetic closing line: "I'll Facebook you"! Because isn't that the God's honest truth? Raise your hand if you've reluctantly confirmed an ex on Facebook, nervously giving him the opportunity to squirm back into your life (albeit your virtual life) after all the hard work of finally breaking up with him!
Now, if Bud Light were to do a "too light/too heavy" commercial about my life it would go something like this:
I'm relaxing at home; not looking particularly cute, perhaps indulging in a box of Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop Tarts and watching something along the lines of the Ellen DeGeneres show. There's a knock at the door. Surprised, I answer. A Jehovah's Witness ambushes me with her spiel, and all the while I'm thinking, "must.... find.... my balls". But I don't, and despite my meek (too light!!!!) protests, I'm sucked into a 2 hour long bible study with this stranger. Before I know what hit me, I'm going to hell.
Next time I'll be prepared! Next time I'm opting for "too heavy"! There will be an emphatic, "Not interested! Not even a little bit"! There will be holy water splashed in her face! There will be a firm closing of the door. There may be a rolling of the Watchtower and a swat on her derriere as she high tails it off my porch!!! And then I'll celebrate with a refreshing (inspiring!) Bud Light.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Despite these very secure niche markets, Sour Patch Kids do have ads on the tube these days. And good ones at that! Check 'em out:
Here are a few other sweet and sour ad ideas I, for one, would like to see:
1. High school Sour Patch Kid eggs a house, then brings victims omelets in the morning.
2. College SPK drunkenly pees in girl's backpack, then sweet talks her into dinner the next night.
3. Gangsta SPK slashes one's tires... is caught and blows tires up (using sweet and sour gummi substance rather than air!)
4. Stoner SPK eats one's complete stash of SPK in a fit of munchies... then uses his mad gummi connections to arrange lifetime supply of Sour Patch Kids for victim.
First they're sour... then they're sweet!
Monday, October 26, 2009
An aside: Isn't it about time TRIdent came up with a three layer gum? Duh.
Friday, October 23, 2009
How f***ing awesome is this commercial? I'm sure as he** it never made it to TV, because of dumba** regulations, but thanks to my kicka** blog you can see for yourself it is in fact, funny s**t.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
In the spirit of Halloween I was going to blog about the high creepy factor of this commercial. (Let it be known too, that I'm a wee bit upset Pre would pick a redhead as their alien-esque spokesmodel- like we don't have enough stereotypes to bust open! Just throw scary, rambling martian into the mix why don't you?)
But then I YouTubed the ad and thought the viewers' comments captured the icky essence of the commercial better than I ever could. Here are a few examples:
- She looks like a vampire or something. Why didn't she put on more blush? This is such a creepy commercial. I would never want to buy this phone. (Julie's note: I don't think she's talking about a sexy, Culleny vampire either).
- Hey look! Maculey Culkin! What's he doing here in a Palm commercial? (J: I'm not sure who should be more offended here- MC or actress?)
- This doesn't make me want to purchase a Palm Pre as much as it's inspiring a phobia of segmented, flow-less lines delivered by a surprisingly pale actress (J: actress? I thought that was a lady-shaped marshmallow speaking)
- What a terrible and terrifying advertisement (J: word).
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
1. The baby has a man's voice, but they somehow make it not creepy, and for that I thank you E-Trade. Nobody likes a creepy baby (do you hear me MTV?)
2. Baby uses slang like, "coin" and "shankopotomus" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTlybfThauM&feature=channel which is extraordinarily funny coming from a toothless little mouth.
3. Our guy remains vulnerable to his audience, unlike your typical, snobbish, superstar commercial actor (ha ha). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4GZfvXx9Js&feature=related
4. How about those mad technology skills!? Trading online, clever web cam usage, hip to the cell phone scene... he's unstoppable! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_yA4BAN7BY And honestly? Truly? Aren't we all just waiting for the day (probably sometime pre-kindergarten) when our kids surpass us in the world of technology, and we no longer have to pay the GeekSquad for house calls?
5. Little buddy is diversified, and not just in his portfolio- check out his black buddy with the golden pipes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yhfl4mFH1No&NR=1
Monday, October 19, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
I've long loved Julia Louis-Dreyfus because she's hilarious, yes; because she made my best dance moves famous, yes; because her name is strikingly similar to mine, yes; but mostly I love JLD because she is my sister. Sorority sister that is. (Hot damn, Delta Gam!) So obviously I love her commercials for Healthy Choice meals. Here she is with comedy powerhouse Jane Lynch, tag teaming potential Healthy Choice consumers: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7S7kLnbHBXY
Louis-Dreyfus' brand new HC ad (not even on YouTube yet!) seemed particularly appropriate today as it shows a hot air balloon in the background dropping tiny samples of Healthy Choice meals. (See where I'm going with this yet? I'll drive it home for ya). Sooooo.... while I heart Julia, I think in light of recent events a more fitting spokesperson is the Colorado balloon boy! http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33330516/ns/us_news-life/?GT1=43001
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Truly, they cannot have too many bun puns. I laughed at every last one. What's more is that Whopperness is apparently a recessive gene as Mom and Sis are fleshy (as opposed to... meaty?).
So here and now I am starting my campaign to get creepy King off my screen and the Whopper family on screen and into the hearts of Americans. But not literally. Because too much of that stuff will kill you. Really.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Here are a few more Jimmy Dean commercials for your viewing pleasure:
Monday, October 12, 2009
And speaking of piece, being that they were able to bring these conflicting personalities together, I vote for Macy's marketing team to receive the next Nobel Peace Prize. I mean, why not!?
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Britney Spears for Hanes: "When I do wear underwear, I make it Hanes"!
Madonna for GNC: "Buy your supplements here and you can be ripped and veiny like me".
Tom Hanks for Ballpark Franks. Because it rhymes and I think it's funny.
David Letterman for Tiffany's: "For when you've screwed up really bad".
Jon Gosselin for Marlboro: "When you're creating a new bad boy image, smoke Marlboros".
Kevin Federline for Big Lots: "Wife beaters- 10 for $2".
Al Gore for Pillsbury: I think he'd make a great new dough boy.
Kanye West for Wite-Out: "Oops".
Lady GaGa for Trojan: "For his and her pleasure".
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Burlington Coat Factory: I don't shop with you anymore because your return policy sucks. Even though you do seem to have good deals, and I am tempted sometimes. And I admit, when I did break down and throw you some business I wound up with the most supportive nursing bras I own. But I digress!!! I am annoyed with you because you claim department stores are "extinct" in your latest commercials. You can't claim that! It's not true! Just the other day, I used a year-old gift certificate at Macy's! We get your point, but still- you could try "endangered" or "in danger of extinction" or "passe". But to throw the Barneys, Younkers, and Saks of the world into the same category as Dodo birds or Michael Jackson, is to spew out false information. And for that (and because you would not accept an attempted return about 15 years ago) you are on my Naughty List.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Oo! Oo! And here's something else I love about these commercials! Their liberal use of foreigners (or wild animals as the case may be) as hitmen! Getting roughed up is one thing; getting roughed up by people in funny costumes with funny accents is a totally different and much more enjoyable thing.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
The Pop Tart camp has a new ad now with more cartoon cuties but they're just sub par compared to my little break-it-down boy. I couldn't find the new commercial on YouTube, so here's a throwback from 1967. (I know! I didn't know PTs were so old either! Do you think the Beatles were Pop Tart fans? I bet they're dee-lish when you've got the munchies!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rsJ2yZwSruI
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Yes. Because when I was in high school the smokin' hot girls always went after guys in chicken suits. They were so dreamy! And here's a little word to the acne-prone wise: if you're that concerned about your skin, getting a job wearing a used, sweaty, stifling chicken costume is not your best bet. Actually, if you're concerned about your life in general, chicken suits are not your best bet. Tres disappointing Clearasil- there are so many better routes to go if you're advertising zit products. Something funny with pizza perhaps? A nice chicken pox reference?
I won't beat down Clearasil too much though, and not just because they maintained my (mostly) zit-free face throughout high school. But because they rescued themselves from... well, themselves with this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFPEaFC1DgU&feature=related Extra sprinkles for me please!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
1. The Lap Band- this is a band that is surgically put around your actual stomach as a weight loss tool. Do they really need to specify pregnant women should not have this surgery? I realize they're just covering their hineys but it seems like that would come up in pre-op.
2. Yaz- I cringe when I see this girl (in da club) explaining there was confusion during Yaz's last commercial and she's going to clear it up. She goes on to explain Yaz can be used for moderate acne but not severe, for birth control but not STD control, for potty training 2 year olds but not 60 year old leaky bladders, for inducing vomiting after binge drinking but not for bulimics, for increasing breast size, but not if you have implants... maybe she didn't say some of that, but the point is she did not clear anything up- she just used a lot of words to confuse viewers. There's a good chance she moonlights as a speech writer for our president.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
One could argue these are a little offensive- I mean, a badonkadonk butt can be a thing of beauty. And I'm here to tell you my thunder thighs have served me well for many years. Not to mention, one's self-esteem should not rest solely on one's weakness for fast food! But that's a whole different (less funny, more psychological) blog. In all honesty, these fatty phrases, paired with the actors' naive facial expressions and serious tones, are as hilarious as any commercial out there.
Here are a few more for ya:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tl1tKgIzNKg&feature=related (please note the butt-popping motion this gentleman performs)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcFtcoo0ic4 (the God's honest truth for you sports lovers)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsZFsZw5jtU (this is not funny to me because I've actually had buttons pop off my pants and go flying across the room- suddenly this commercial becomes a lot less hilarious and a lot more effective).
A Teaser: Tune in tomorrow when we will be observing Chinchilli Day.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
*Never, in all my days, did I think I'd seriously use this oxymoron.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
1. Scott looks downward as he claims he won't do "that" again because it burned. You didn't Scott!! You wouldn't! You couldn't! Did you?
2. The oven's voice puts Morgan Freeman to shame. And he says Scott's name repeatedly. Anybody who hears their name said like that is going to put out. Even if it is an oven.
3. The oven asks Scott to put it in him and then we flash to "foot long flavor". Where does that take your mind? I know where mine goes, and it isn't to a tasty ruler.
4. Our dominatrix-esque oven then has Scott repeat the price sexier and sexier until Scott nails it (!) with his mouth full of yummy sandwich.
By this time my mouth is watering for um... a sandwich. But I gotta feel bad for Scott- he'll forever be the oven's wingman when they go out clubbin'. He just doesn't stand a chance with that smokin' hot oven around.
An aside: why name it the Torpedo? It doesn't suit this sammy at all. I call for a name change. Raise your hand if you'd rather it be called The Penetrator.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
So where to draw the line? The answer is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxC8LGrB4jo
This is similar to the Mucinex commercial and every commercial ever made for athlete's foot, but here's where it differs: the germ lifts the toenail up. Need I say more? You're curling your toes and shivering in horror right now, aren't you? It's too repulsive, and it doesn't even satisfy our inner schoolchild. It is simply, unbearably vile.
I apologize for giving you the visual; I hope Adbits readers are better at filtering these things out of their brains than I am. But if I'm going to lay awake tonight imagining my toenails being pried up then I at least had to make a bloggy effort to recruit some misery to keep me company.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Besides watching chubby people lose weight (and the fact that they always show a shot of a full moon before the weekly weigh-ins), I also love the shameless product placements and weight loss commercials every 15 or so minutes. (No, this wasn't just a passionate plug for my favorite show- I'm making it relevant to the blog's actual reason for being).
In the past, BL contestants have enjoyed Subway, 100 Calorie Packs, Extra gum, and enough Brita water to drown Shamu. (The whale reference is strictly coincidental). Anyway, it is clear the ads are targeting an overweight audience on Tuesday evenings. Makes sense, right? Tonight I was interested to see commercials for things like Abilify, an anti-depressant. Perhaps the logic there is that the BL audience is a fat, (and therefore, sad) group in need of happy pills? I'm just speculating here! Or how about Brooke Shields as the Latisse spokesperson? "Attention chunky viewers! Here is a supermodel whose biggest problem is medically diagnosed [?!?!?!] skimpy eyelashes! Feel your esteem plummeting? Well, after you lose a hundred or so pounds, you too can begin obsessing over tiny physical flaws!"
Yes, my Tuesday night "sit on my butt" fests are back in season. And so I say, bring on the fat and bring on the ads!
Monday, September 14, 2009
I first noticed Nate in his Enterprise commercials, but was happy to see him again and again stomping for Golden Grahams, Volkswagen, and Capital One (CO ads with David Spade killed me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NCxndXjsWg&feature=related). Torrence also landed a role in the critically disclaimed movie, Get Smart. According to Google findings, he was also in Click with Adam Sandler, but I don't remember him in that (which is unusual because he's normally pretty unforgettable). He's sort of Kevin James-ish with an even sillier edge. For instance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=po1BDk2lxhA Speaking of silly, I also found in my "research" (can I really call it that? It took all of 20 seconds) he was a state champion gymnast. If that is true (and it must be since I read it on the Internet!) something went terribly wrong with his body between now and then, bless his [chub encased] heart. Of course, I have to believe his chunky physique is what makes him so endearing and provides comic relief to commercials that would otherwise suck (namely the Enterprise ad). So, big spending companies (Coke? Nike? You guys listening?) I say unto you, hire this man! Let loose the MOOSE!
Friday, September 11, 2009
But what I was referring to in my title is this fabulously hilarious commercial I almost forgot about! I think it aired a couple years ago. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tITErSN_NY It sort of makes me want to go back to work in an office. But only if I can have a Nextel. And work with these specific gentlemen. You know what? Forget it- I can rock out in my own living room. Maybe I should make this a vlog so the world can see my sweet dance moves. Nah, better to leave them guessing.
Nextel led with a winner, but every commercial of theirs I've seen since has been disappointing. Perhaps this is how the Democratic party feels about Obama. (Oo! When did you get so political Jules? Must be the season thing again.)
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
*Today American Idol announced Ellen DeGeneres as Paula Abdul's placement: another reason for her to get her freak on on national television.
*Nicole Richie and Joel Madden had a son and named him Sparrow James Midnight Madden: bound to be a freak
*Obama's addressing the nation about health care: freakin' stupid (and annoyingly commercial-free)
*17 year old Georgia girl is dominating the U.S. Open: she's dating a 15 year old, which if I remember correctly, is pretty freaky to high schoolers.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Pepsi: This is not that risque so I have to believe it was banned because of Brit's poor singing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LvnLOjmF8M&feature=related
Centrum: I didn't know you had it in you you naughty vitamins! Too bad it was banned, I think it would have been wildly successful! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9RV2S7SdOY&NR=1&feature=fvwp
Axe: About 90% of the banned commercials I found belonged to Axe. They're dirty. Consequently, they've got my business! Please note the girl picking her wedgie in this particular banned commercial. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsxK36HAf9k&feature=related
Wendy's: Was this banned because somebody with an accent blew something up? No, I'm serious! Is that why? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zwn134_KDk&feature=related
Levi's: A predictable ending I thought. What's not predictable is the UK banning this. They're supposed to be the naughtiest bunch of blokes on the planet and they ban this? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSG807d3P-U
Monday, September 7, 2009
Producers: "We'd like to feature your product in our new movie."
S & B: "Really? You want to feature Shake and Bake? The scrumptious chicken coating?"
Producers: "Yes. It will cost you 5 million dollars for the product placement."
S & B: "Um. This is awkward. We only bring in $25,000 a year."
Producers: "Huh. Is that right?" (muffled talk in the background) "Well, for $2,000 we'll just mention the product a few times but nobody will actually see any Shake and Bake chicken."
S & B: "Did you know we also offer Shake and Bake for pork now?"
Producers:"Tell you what. Send a few boxes of your product over to the set and we'll just work it into the movie free of charge."
S & B: "Deal."
Friday, September 4, 2009
Admittedly, my fondness for this commercial may stem from my unconditional love for Ikea. But can't we all relate to this? A face plant right into our very own bed after being away from home? Especially (as any fair-skinned redhead can attest) when our skin is aflame with sunburn and the only thing on the planet that will offer any relief is our cool, cool (in my head they're always white) sheets. Ahhhh. The muffled words and captions only add charm and wit to an already refreshing commercial. I love you Ikea! And your little pencils too!
To Loathe: Yoplait http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzXADOfTRB0
You condescending biz-nitch!!! Of course the seamstress is going to be confused! You tell her you've been mowing down on Boston Creme Pie and the like, and then look at her like she's an idiot when she thinks you want your clothes taken out!! "Ok, I was just outside and now I'm in." This line, delivered in what can only be described as condescending, (or disdainful, patronizing, uppity, etc....) convinces me that I'm simply not a big enough bitch* to eat Yoplait yogurt.
*I realize this is the 3rd variation of the B-word in my last 2 posts. But when you need the word bitch, nothing else will do.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Oh Sonic, I love you so
I watch your commercials
during my favorite show.
They make me laugh,
they give me the giggles-
two people talking in a car
my funny bone tickles.
This one below involves tator tots-
funny ad, plus the food doesn't cost lots.
I had a Sonic smoothie
after giving birth.
Nothing tasted better
on this entire Earth.
Too bad for Sonic
they employed Paris Hilton
as well as Nicole Richie.
They're crazy annoying and
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
The actual dialogue between the mannequins isn't bad, but it's all a little too creepy, ventriloquist-ish for me. The previous campaign was funny in a cheesy way, (I love me some cheese!) but catchy, and (most importantly) it provided me with some of my sweetest dance moves.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
1. Welch's (grape juice). Here's just one of their adorable spokeskids: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUCxza768sw Where did they find these kids? They're supernaturally darling. Plus they have actual lines to say, which no other child on this list does.
2. Mott's (applesauce). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rc3LxocCCjs Oh Marcia Cross. I'm almost too jealous of you to put this on my list. But the blog deserves the truth so Jules' pride be damned! The truth is you are living my dream with your redheaded boy/girl twins. They're gorgeous, applesauce-eating darlings. For my own selfish sanity I have to believe they're rotten brats.
3. Cole and Dylan Sprouse for Danimals. Ha ha! Not really- just seeing if you were paying attention.
4. Huggies (diapers). Frankly, the starring baby is average looking, (I hope his 'rents aren't Ad Bits fans) but I'm a big fan of this commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1SKVYomUHM Sneaky! They had me sold on those sassy running shoes and then... BAM! I'm buying Huggies instead!
5. Tyson (chicken nuggets). These kids are hilarious- I particularly adore the one who crams his veggies in the car and pushes it away (not bad acting kid- you may have a future in the biz). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7x19FKGNtI But could I have a word with Tyson please? It is not the amazing feat you seem to believe it is to get a kid to eat chicken freaking nuggets above their peas.
6. Frosted Mini Wheats (cereal). This is hugely disappointing! I cannot find the exact commercial I'm looking for! You know the one? With the little girl who (God love 'er) is cute sort of like a pug is cute. She certainly won't be winning any beauty pageants anytime soon (although those aren't really won on looks anymore are they? But that's a whole different blog). The truth is, this girl coulda been my kid with those freckles and those ears (I can see you now, "Oh! I know the commercial she means now!"). Come clean time- my sibs affectionately (?) refer to me as "Lefty" because my left ear sticks out. Jim also has sticker-outers but at least he's symmetrical. Because I have this empathy for her I choose to pronounce her "Cutest Commercial Kid". Which I can do. Despite your audible protests.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Honorable Mention: Captain Morgan. This isn't a beer so they only get an honorable mention, but I had to throw them a bloggy bone for ads such as this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMn-AtQXHFE
Honorable Mention: Bud Light. These ads are absolutely my favorite. Unfortunately, I believe they were just on radio and never on TV so they just get the HM. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8gUojXK7sc&feature=related
2nd runner up: Dos Equis. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Bc0WjTT0Ps Their spokesman gives Chuck Norris himself a run for his money. This commercial is just one of a few (are they just now starting to advertise on TV? I think so! They've been holding back!) One of my other favorites claims he lives vicariously through... himself. I've said it before and I'll say it again- if a company can pull off hilarity using a serious tone like this, they'll be hugely successful. Or at least win 2nd runner up on obsure blogs.
1st runner up: Labatt Blue. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-B2tmv2k2w&feature=related Yes, in a surprise twist Labatt Blue wins 2nd place! Unfortunately I couldn't find some of my favorite commercials starring the Blue Bear as they are pretty old but please trust that this one (while funny) is just the tip of the Canadian beer iceberg. I watch a lot of hockey so I'm quite familiar with these commercials but what I love most about them is: a) I haven't seen one in quite some time but it stuck with me and that is important in a marketing campaign, right? b) I not only remembered the commercials but what brand they were advertising! I have to admit with Dos Equis and even my first place winner I had to double check with Jim to make sure I wasn't getting my beers mixed up. And c) the talking bear (I can't help it).
And first place goes to.... Coors Lite! For their hilarious press conference commercials! Here are a few of my favs:
The guys asking the questions are perfectly cast and hilarious in every way. Coors Lite is the official beer sponsor of the Superbowl, which I imagine is a really big deal and undoubtedly puts immense stress on the Coors marketing think tank. I'm here to tell you Coors Lite- you delivered. You delivered on the tube and consequently I'm sure you deliver a lot of beer.
Note: I know I said I'd only do the top three but I added the honorable mentions at the last minute. I couldn't help myself.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
1. Target/Calabria: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOUl6pzQBtI
2. Planters Peanuts/Just Too Good To Be True: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgJqRluOUK4
3. Apple/Technologic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryOWd567kA8
4. MasterCard/We Want the Funk: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cNDSPutas8
5. Honda/Orange Sky: I couldn't find this one! Boo!
And my personal favorite.... Swiffer!!! Way to use classic tunes to sell your product!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFbeP6YqHzg (Baby Come Back)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ckm79d_sDY&feature=fvw (Breaking Up Is Hard To Do)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1OuPO6XUts (Don't You Want Me Baby)
And these are just a few! Swiffer, you can clean my house anytime! (Actually, anyone can- open invitation).
Here are a few ideas of my own that I think would liven up ads for the following companies:
Cool Whip: Whip It (is that too obvious?)
Bandaid or Banana Boat: Blister in the Sun (I'll let the two companies duke it out for rights to that one)
Botox: Poker Face
Trojan condoms: I Get Around (I think the Beach Boys would be honored)
Burger King: Dancing Queen (perhaps a creepy lady love for the creepy, masked king)
Hanes: Underneath Your Clothes (get Charlie Sheen out of those commercials and get us some Shakira!)
Rolex: Time After Time (duh.)
Any car touting a high safety rating: Crash Into Me
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
1. Pepto Bismol. Their upset stomach, diarrhea jingle is both catchy and gross. But the commercials keep getting weirder and weirder. Let me direct your attention to this one as a case in point: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mK9UtYguNI
2. Head-On. Be in our commercial and the whole world will hate you! Thanks but no thanks.
3. Activia. I take issue with most yogurt commercials anyway, but this one gets a little too close to the digestive tract for comfort.
4. KY Yours and Mine. These commercials are funny (and weird- likening sex to a circus trick? Odd. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnmXG_hN6Hc). But I would have to refuse their advances (if you will) on the off chance my Daddy may see it.
5. Smooth Away. Granted, I don't care to be in any infomercial- especially one magnifying my hairiest body parts. Are those actresses paid a lot? It seems there should be an indignity clause in their contracts, securing them a little extra moola.
6. Many pharmaceutical commercials. I hope this goes without saying, but I don't care to be in a herpes or erectile dysfunction ad. I remain unsure how "Smiling Bob" from the Enzyte commercials can face the world every day. Thankfully, they are in huge trouble and owe 2.5 mil for being straight up (pun totally intended) idiots.
On the flip side, here are some commercials I'd love to be in!
1. Cover Girl (or Neutrogena). This would mean I am gorgeous and have flawless skin. Move over Vanessa Hudgens!
2. Skittles. Or Sour Patch Kids. These are funny commercials and maybe I would get free candy?
3. Any commercial in which Johnny Depp is the celebrity spokesperson (for obvious, gorgeous reasons). Of course I have never seen him endorse anything. Except France.
Monday, August 24, 2009
To prove to dad that I'm not a fool
I've got my lunch packed up,
My boots tied tight,
I hope I don't get in a fight
Ohhhh... back to school, back to school
~ Adam Sandler (Billy Madison)
It's that time of year! TVs across the country are blowing up with back to school commercials! Sadly, I have yet to see my all-time favorite BTS ad: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cNDSPutas8. Dancing is practically a must have for these Aug-Sept ads and I've never seen better break it down boys than these in the Visa commercial. Old Navy has some decent dancers and JCPenny kids can bust a move in a big way. Remember a few years back the little girl they featured in their B2S commercial? Alyson Stoner. She went on to be in a Missy Elliot video, played Sally on Mike's Super Short Show (Disney thing), was cast in Phineas and Ferb, and finally hit the big time in the phenomenon that is Camp Rock. (And there you have it folks- my tangent du jour).
Staples' ad is worth mentioning as it captures a dad's joy at sending his kids back to school, while they are clearly dismayed. Or maybe they're dismayed because their friends will show up with bright, funky folders and pencils while their supplies are business casual. Hit the Easy Button kids, perhaps that will brighten things up. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFsTPx5UrbA
Office Max disappoints with their hidden cam/penny prank commercials. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLpOjXOMFkg Even this guy's red hair doesn't salvage his commercials. When he tries to pay for large ticket items (diamond ring, car, etc.) with pennies he acts freaking smug and I end up pitying the salesperson and vowing to stop shopping at Office Max (or rather, I vow to not start shopping there). Bring back the rubberband man Office Max!
Friday, August 21, 2009
I was not in a hurry to comment on the Progressive ads but since MSN brought it up...
I first "met" Flo in her commercial claiming you could save enough money to buy a "big, tricked out name tag." I was immediately put off because, a) she's basically saying you'll save 1-2 dollars and b) her name tag was not even tricked out. There were no rhinestones, no neon lights, just three letters on a white background. F L O. But it's Friday and I'm feeling generous so I won't blame her completely for that. She was just reading the lines they gave her, right? Then, I tried to blame her for being a cartoon character. But again, that's Progressive's handy-work. Her commercials following the name tag debacle were mildly annoying but so far nothing I can't handle. I'm just very aware that she has the potential to send me jumping off a bridge in annoyance at any moment, with any one line that comes out of her mouth. But she hasn't so far and that says a lot. But you better watch your step Flo. Just watch your step.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
* I Googled this song playing in the ad, and found there are some claims that other songs play in different versions of the commercial. But I like this one best.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Thanks to this commercial I will never allow Gushers in my house. This is what is communicated to me in their 30 second time slot:
1. These will distract my kid from their schoolwork.
2. They will cover my home in disgusting, sticky, staining goo.
3. After touching a million things with their sticky little patties, my children's teeth will begin to rot, compliments of this gushing goo.
4. The liquid sugar bomb coated with additional cavity-creating sugar is bound to get my kiddos unbearably hyper.
As you can see, Gushers are the perfectly destructive storm. Now let's be clear on something- normally I love the brightly colored sweet candies. Skittles? Oh yes, I taste the rainbow. Gummi bears? I buy 'em in bulk. Jujubes? I can't enjoy a movie without those chewy little loves! But these candy darlings don't magnify their weaknesses in icky commercials. Maybe the Gushers commercial speaks seductively to kids, but I'm willing to bet any mom who sees that squirting, drippy mess of an ad will skip the Gushers and opt for a less messy treat with a more appetizing ad campaign. Mentos anyone?
Friday, August 14, 2009
But the number one reason Castrol wins the "Julie's Commercial That Comes In Handy Like All The Time" award? My husband's name is Jimmy.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Note: For those who have ever visited a "Trying To Conceive" (TTC) message board, POAS stands for "Pee On A Stick."
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
However, taste buds need not fret! You'll get your Blizzard after all as the DQ ad I saw yesterday is a different story. Its got it all. Clever and adorably toothless businessgirl (note: a responsible adult escort stands just feet away- safety first!), scrumptious thin mint cookies, and chubby guy's conscience screaming at him to "buy the cookies"! Round that off with zoomed in shots of the Blizzards (size: large) complete with giant cookie chunks and surrounded by steam (purpose? none. But somehow works when swirling around this yumminess).
The best part? The handy caloric justification that by buying a Thin Mint Blizzard I'm supporting the Girl Scouts. Thanks to me and my expanding hips, young women will have increased esteem, be First Aid qualified, and able to start a fire with a toothpick. I'm coming to get you Blizzard!
Monday, August 10, 2009
I'm a Crest girl by choice, but tag teaming brushers with Brooke Shields and Dr. Fang? Colgate truly could not have produced more reputable mouth professionals.
Friday, August 7, 2009
1. They were talking animal pioneers with the talking chihuahua (I heard he died this year- R.I.P. little buddy)
2. They made the phrase, "run for the border" as popular as keggers on college campuses.
3. They encouraged consumers to, "think outside the bun"- yes! And inside the taco shell!
4. They coined the term "fourth meal" (best idea ever in more ways than one)
And now they bring us the, "It's all about the Roosevelts Baby" song! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnl27kAK9yM&feature=related
The song is catchy, the video seriously funny (little blinged out piggy banks? Priceless!), and it is perfectly consistent with their marketing strategy! Additionally, I see this song is available as a ring tone. I'm here to tell you- I'm tempted. I love you Taco Bell marketing team! Keep 'em coming!
note: does TB's mad marketing skills make up for the elimination of the Chili Cheese Burrito? Let's not get carried away.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Admittedly, the cows are entertaining (when they aren't running away from a snowy terrain, leaving me feeling like an idiot for staying in such a blizzardy habitat).
This one with the earthquake is cute, but something tells me earthquakes don't really make anyone happier. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qd8-zfIlDwY
So, California- you may have your surfing, your vineyards, and your amazing national parks, but since cows can't enjoy any of these things I trust they are NOT, in fact, happier in California.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Of course, if I put this commercial together I'd have a white flag raising out of a baby's backside as I find poop stains on onesies to be most persistent.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
The casting is fabulous; nice, normal couple meets shady, moustachey car salesman. I do empathize with the sales guy in that I spend much of my time voicing a cow puppet for Molly's entertainment. I scarcely remember my regular voice sometimes, but my cow voice sounds strikingly similar to this gentleman's fox intonation.
What's important here though, is that after I totaled my car last December and started shopping around for a new vehicle, this absolutely silly commercial prompted me to request a Car Fax! Once in a while these ads actually serve their purpose!
Monday, August 3, 2009
Just like that Microsoft undid an entire marketing scheme. For me, at least. Honestly, Mac people are Mac people and PC people are PC people. For the most part. Both parties may get the occasional drifter but computer users are pretty loyal to their... well... computers.
Friday, July 31, 2009
1. If you are a trailer for a scary movie, I hate you.
2. If you are a trailer for a scary movie featuring disburbed, creepy children (which most of you seem to be these days) I have 2 scoops of hate with some despise on top for you.
3. If you're a funny movie, I'll throw you some love- even if I can predict your ending from your 20 second ad.
I always thought commercials for scary movies should only come on after say... 10:00 pm. But yesterday some crazy scary trailer came on at like 7:00; normally I try to quickly mute or change the channel but I couldn't make it to the remote in time and sure enough, my 2 year old watches and looks at me with big eyes, "Scary!" So now I need to protect my own wussy self, and also my little munchkin, who is apparently paying attention to something besides Dora now.