Thursday, December 31, 2009

The Results Are In....

And the 2009 Ad Bits Readers' Choice Award goes to....

BUD LIGHT! Thank you Bud Light for making swearing in the workplace absolutely hilarious! People all over the world (?) will thank you by drinking hundreds of thousands of Bud Lights this very night.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Tailgating With Toyota

Happy Three Days After Christmas! I hope this was the merriest and brightest Christmas you have ever seen. Mine was magnificent. With the exception of that post-Christmas moment when my hair follicles apparently got word from my Wii Fit that I'm 67, and my mom and sister (cheerfully!!) pointed out a gray hair atop my head. Said hair has been plucked and destroyed, however and I'm back in black! (Or red, as it were).

With the college Bowl games just around the corner and pro fans gearing up for playoffs, I thought this would be an appropriate ad series for today. And can I just get a "what what!" for Toyota? It's pretty unusual for car commercials to not do the suck-fanny waltz, but they came up with a whole bit that even the commentators get in on (I'm sure Toyota didn't pay through the tailpipe for that either, right?)

Yeah, why aren't there any fundraisers for ugly puppies? Or young girls (?!) going prematurely gray for that matter! I fully appreciate the paper bag gimmick though as a would-be Detroit Lions fan. I'm actually pretty surprised the Lions themselves don't show up with bags over their heads. It may be an improvement in fact. Certainly couldn't hurt matters.

The announcers dig this one too:

For more Great Moments in Tailgating History, do not. I repeat do not type "Great Moments In History" into YouTube's search field. There are a series of messed up, creepy faces that will show up. Just a heads up, yo.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

I Can't Believe It's Not Better

This has got to be the weirdest commercial of 2009. It's a catchy song, true, and Megan Mullalley has great cleavage, true. But at some point during the making of this ad, 1980 must have called wanting their special (?) effects back. At the end? When Megan spins across the screen turning it to a giant tub of butter? So Eighties! Not to mention the dancing (break dancing!? moonwalking!?) and oh yeah! The song choice! Obviously, they were limited in that arena as "hydrogenated" only fits in so many songs, but still....

Plus, despite her thumbs up cleavage, MM is an odd choice. Apparently producers think she can sing really well (see making of commercial clip below) but I just hear Karen's voice (imagine the dirty jokes that character would have made about a tub of butter!) trying to belt out a Glorious Gloria song. It doesn't suit her. What would suit her? Guest starring on 30 Rock as Tina Fey's doppelganger.

So is this supposed to be a funny commercial? Not a good sign if I have to ask, right? In the "making of video" it looks like the funniest parts were cut. I would love to see chubby checkout guys doing a bit on tubs of butter! The producers also mention her great comedic timing, but it's totally lost on me here. And it could have been hilarious! Butter (or margarine as it were) can grease up and open a Pandora's box full of funniness, innuendos, and puns!
At the very least the ICBINB people could have given us the multiple guy dancers (fresh off the male stripper boat!) instead of just the one. Can I get an "Amen"?

Saturday, December 19, 2009


Darling Ad Bitties! I love Christmas! I love the shopping, the wrapping, the parties, the food, and of course the commercials! Every year the Hershey kiss ad is a favorite. I want to crawl through my TV and hug these little kisses; I want to adorn my home with these lovable shiny triangular candies; I want to tug their little paper tags like a young boy pulling his crush's pigtail and then nibble their teeny tiny pointed tops. This is an extreme love for a little chocolate, I know! But that's what happens when a commercial personifies their candy. I get a little loopy.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Girl Deftly Plays Violin

This commercial was brought to my attention today (thank you Leigh Leigh Belle!) and I was going to save it for Christmas, but then I just got too excited! (Really, it's a wonder I don't give out presents as soon as I buy them). This commercial is truly beautiful. I don't know if they give out Emmys for commercials, (or even if they have Emmys in Thailand) but if they do, this one should win. It's the feel-good ad of the year.

Isn't it lovely? I adored it. What's that you say? You like it but what about Wednesday's Gift Idea you were promised? You can't very well wrap a bottle of shampoo and give it as a gift you say? Wellllll....
1. Sure you can!
2. But if you don't want to do that, let's put our heads together and think outside the shampoo bottle.
3. Oo! How about a gift certificate for that special somebody with dirty carpet to have Stanley Steemer come out and shampoo his or her rug?
4. No? Ok, how about offering to shampoo your neighbor's chihuahua this Chanukah?
5. A St. Bernard? That would be challenging. And he did cut your phone line this summer when he was landscaping.
6. Here's something- get the Pantene because I love this ad. Shampoo and conditioner. But throw in some fabulous bubble bath, a loofah, other delicious toiletries, and a gift cert for a massage. Put in basket and voila! You have Day 3 of Ad Bits' Gift Giving Guide.
7. You're welcome.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


Edit: Ok, John Mayer's sweater was not exactly the same as Wii guy's. At the time, in my head, they were identical. But still. They're quite similar.

Wardrobe Coincidences and Day 2 of Holiday Gift Ideas

I never watch Ellen, but today I was on the treadmill at a weird time and caught her interview with John Mayer (he was much funnier than I expected him to be)! Unremarkable, I know, except that he was wearing the same reindeer sweater as the guy in yesterday's Wii blog! Coincidences like this really fire me up, and being the champion Ad Bitters that you are, you put up with me! Take a looksee:

But let's get down to business. I owe you one gift idea for today. And here it is: Netflix! Buy somebody the gift of endless movies. Wrightnow!

A lovable commercial because the characters are just the right amount of stupid, it references peanut brittle, and shows a dog driving a car.

Monday, December 14, 2009

This Little Piggy Went Wii Wii Wii

I have heard complaints that some of my regular readers have not had time to read my blog due to the busy holiday season. Because it is my goal that AdBits be both entertaining and useful (the latter being a recent goal- added just seconds ago) I am kicking off the First Annual AdBits Holiday Gift Idea Week. Each day this week (except for the days I don't have time to blog), I will feature a commercial advertising a good gift idea. Never say I don't listen to my audience! Comment cards to arrive along with your Christmas card.

Our week of gift ideas commences with... Wii! (I never said they'd be creative gift ideas).

I am reluctant to recommend the Wii because mine just told me my "Fit Age" is 67. Apparently my balance was off, prompting it to ask if I had trouble walking. So it is with a touch (read: buttload) of bitterness that I admit I still love my Wii regardless of my skewed balance test results. Plus, this commercial really embodies the Christmas spirit, what with the family competitiveness and surfacing disappointment. Congratulations Wii! Thanks to... well me, you're Ad Bits' Holiday Gift Of The Day! Weeeee! (I couldn't resist).

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Are Meerkats The New Gecko?

I caught the tail end (pun fully and shamelessly intended) of this commercial the other day and when I YouTubed it to catch the rest I was (pleasantly!) surprised to find a slew of Meerkat commercials- all for different companies! Did these companies hire the same ad agency? If so, said agency needs a new shtick. I mean, they can't get by meerly on Meerkats! Oh ho ho! I'm killing myself over here! ("Yes Jules, and we're killing ourselves over here" readers reply). But what do you expect? You know commercials with funny animals make me giddy.

Here are a few others for you Meerkat lovers.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Every Barf Begins With B

There I sat enjoying The Biggest Loser season finale (Rebecca, dear girl, your hair! It's so... Single White Female) when Kay Jewelers hijacked my tube. It's too much Kay J! I can't breathe! I'm choking on all the cheeeeeese! When my nausea subsided I was left with an angry aftertaste. Their ads actually cause me physical discomfort! Every kiss may begin with Kay, but ya know what else begins with K? Knife. In my eye. Repeatedly.

Monday, December 7, 2009

These Ads Are So Cute! These Ads Are So Cute!

It is a rare occasion on which I find myself wanting my kids to be child actors, but this commercial brings all those wants rushing to the surface.

These kids are darling! And talented! And they're in commercials, not say... Poltergeist: Return of the Polters. So how much damage can be done? (Please do not reference my Dec. 2 post- I will not allow my own bloggy words to be used in a (valid- I admit it! Valid!) case against me). Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your take here), I don't have the energy to parade my kids around the show biz (unless we're talking Chuck E. Cheese- fka Show Biz) so they'll have to settle for Jules' School of Awesome Commercial Dances, in which I will train them in Gap Ads 101 and force them to perform at all family functions (and for my own spontaneous amusement). Of course, first Adrienne will need to learn to walk (she can't even sit up yet- I've got her in sitting up boot camp (thank you Bumbo!) but those are issues for another blog- maybe a Hover-Mom blog). I could have her be the girl laying on the floor during the "these boots are so cute" portion. Yes! Problem solved.

Word count: 208
Parentheses count: 7 (but I've earned it! having finally learned how to embed the YouTube videos!!!!)
Oops: make that 8

Friday, December 4, 2009

Fantasy by B.S.

It's such a cop-out to blog about Britney Spears' "Fantasy" commercial. I mean talk about picking the low hanging fruit! But it's Friday and an easy (archery?) target is just what I'm looking for- merci beacoup Madame Pickle Spears! (I've always wanted to call her that! Thank you for allowing me that artistic (?!) liberty).

So here it is: and here are a few comments on quotes from this very ad:
a) "she was beautiful"- I'm happy her time in the loony bin didn't damage Brit's esteem!
b) "there wasn't a part of her he didn't want to touch" - He lived in the woods and was not privy to the paparazzi's uncoverings! Frankly, Monsieur Hunter, she's Toxic.
c) "so he did something kind of... crazy"- Did he shave his head and jump half naked in the ocean with dozens of strangers taking photos? No? Gosh, I must be thinking of someone else....

But Britney can't (bare) shoulder all the blame- where was her agent? Where were her friends? The Mouseketeers? The nice girls from her blockbuster, "Crossroads"? Lil sis Jamie Lynn? (Ok, I get why she was unavailable- she's got enough on her own crazy plate). My point is, a girl who is notorious for being off her nut should not try to convince consumers to buy a fragrance so they too can live in a (sedative induced?) fantasy.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Filling In the Gap

Dear Mom and Dad:
Remember how angry you were with me when I dropped out of med school and decided to pursue my dancing career? You said I would never make any money, my chances of making it in showbiz were "dismal", that a mind is a terrible thing to waste! But look at me now! I'm spreading holiday cheer! I'm entertaining people, promoting cute and durable clothes, and educating the general public on December holidays. Nobody taught me about the solstice in my six years of med school and now I'm chanting about it on national television!

I plan on trying out for the next season of "So You Think You Can Dance". Because I do think I can. I trust you're eating your words now and feeling guilty. It's ok. Please just send a check covering next month's rent and heating bill and we'll call it even. I could also use some new leg warmers.

See you at Christmas (any chance of getting a First Class ticket this year? I have a better chance of being discovered if I'm in First Class).


Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Here Comes Santa Claus

December First! Nothing says, "Merry Christmas" like seasonal commercials, sucking me in, forcing me into fanatical consumerism. I know it's officially Christmastime when the little Hershey kiss bells play "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" on my television. Mars, Inc. counters with the always cute red and yellow M&Ms chatting it up (maybe the elusive and scandalous green M&M will make an appearance for the holidays)?! Target always has good curl up with hot chocolate, song-and-dance commercials (but this year are also "targeting" the thrifty buyers with a separate series of ads). The Anheuser-Busch Clydesdales will undoubtedly be coming out to play soon, reminding us all of the important role alcohol plays during the holidays, as families across the country have their obligatory get-togethers. And Macy's, the patriarch of Christmas shopping season, barely needs to advertise as the store is mentioned in nearly every holiday movie ever made, but still they do- this year featuring Queen Latifah in their first commercial of the winter (Lord help us if Latifah becomes the new face of Christmas)!

With T minus 24 days to finish shopping, we consumers must pay extra close attention to these commercials; without them we may not be aware of the darling scarves, efficient coffee makers, or ornate ornaments the retail world has to offer. I argue that now, more than ever, we must pay attention to the words of our advertisers!!! For they must have our best interest at heart.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

An Adbits Thanksgiving

Thank you to Boost Mobile,
your pigs are the tops-
I love talking swine
feasting on pork chops.

A thank you to Taco Bell
and Burger King as well;
with your raps and your bun jokes
Who the hell even cares what you sell?

My little beer darlings:
Coors, Miller, and Bud Lite,
I owe you a cold one
for doing commercials up right.

A shout out to Pop Tarts,
Quiznos, and Peyton Manning.
To E-Trade, MasterCard,
And Carrot Top (who's been tanning!)

I must even say thanks
to commercials that I hate
for providing juicy material,
your suckiness makes Adbits great.

So thank you Mucinex
and your mascot who lives in a nose.
Also repulsive is Lamisil,
featuring the fungusy toes.

Thank you drippy nose faucet,
compliments of Mentos candy.
And the Yoplait uber-bitch,
you came in blogging handy.

I thank you for your work,
marketing teams great and sucky,
celebrity endorsers, and commercial actors
I think that you're just ducky.

I especially love my Adbitters,
my readers are the best!
For putting up with my jokes,
mad parentheses, bad puns, and the rest!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Zoom Zoom

Mazda: "Zoom zoom". Has there ever been a sillier slogan? I love it, despite the recent decision by Mazda marketing to have a little boy (?) whisper it in true, "I see dead people" fashion. My question for Mazda, however, is this: when are you going to release an ad featuring Wreckx'n Effect's 1992 hit single, "Rump Shaker"? I mean, truly, all I wanna do is zoom-a-zoom zoom zoom and a boom boom. Just shake your rump.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Adbits Redemption

Loyal Adbitters may remember my rant about the creepy Xbox commercials a while back. Not a loyal adbitter? That's cool too- here's the link to icky central: I'm just sayin'. I can think of 360 reasons I hate that ad.

But it's Thanksgiving week and among the things I'm thankful for is the discontinuation (I hope!) of the 1/2 head commercials, and Xbox's new, much cooler ad campaign!! Take a look-see: Can I just say that nobody but nobody can work a windbreaker like Jane Lynch!

Xbox, I hereby pronounce you, Redeemed. You are no longer damned to the lowest depths of Adbits hell. You may resume air wave consumption.

Note: Jonesing for more Jane? Allow me:

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Cheerio Sis! Cheerio Bro!

Regarding October 30 Adbit post:
I found it!!! Here it is! Now tell me these two aren't siblings in real life.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Bottoms Up

I feel like I should blog about something vampirey in honor of the New Moon release- a Count Chocula commercial maybe? Or the inexplicable Sunny Delight commercial? I mean, I get it- vampires don't like sun, but I think it's a bit of a stretch from impostor o.j. to a (very unsexy) vampire. In any event, I scheduled my much anticipated New Moon viewing for next weekend and decided to go in a totally different, non-Edwardy direction today.... while still discussing moons in another sense.

I think the toilet paper industry does an impressive job- these ads could really suck. I mean we wipe our butts with their product for heaven's sake. But we've got the cute Cottonelle puppy, the pleasant Charmin bears, and our feature product tonight... Scott tissue! I actually have never preferred Scott. I'm buying generic brand these days and still my hiney finds it cushier than Scott. (Yes, that was a spectacularly weird sentence I hope is never taken out of context). But their commercials are great! Take this one for instance: Naturally I love it because it utilizes phrases I use on a daily basis ("Geez Louise" is soooo underrated!), and as you well know, I have an odd penchant for commercials featuring funny costumes. Scott also has the whispering office employees (get it? Because they're so focused on being soft?) A great commercial, but frustratingly enough- not on YouTube!

Have a great weekend Adbitters- enjoy New Moon, drink Sunny D (with vodka?), and revel in your favorite choice of toilet paper.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Crackberries Forever!

This commercial has nothing to do with phones or Blackberries, except one of the dancers apparently owns one. Nonetheless, it is a wildly entertaining commercial and I love it. It's worth watching for the hairstyles alone.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Black and White and Funny All Over

In honor of Friday the 13th, the AdBits camp (me) dug up some freaky throwback commercials. And in true AdBits fashion, added some colorful commentary. Even in the Stone Age cigarette companies were targeting the Bam Bams and Pebbles of the world. What I like about this is not George's stylin' attire or wavy locks (!), but the unnecessarily large Styrofoam case for the burger. Let's hear it for landfills! (Actually back then I believe they were just referred to as "dumps"). I'm sorry, did she say, "you can give your youngsters a lot of pleasure?" That's some word choice barrier we've built in the past several decades. Also, why doesn't anybody have such mad whistling skills these days? I like how Crackle has to dump a cup of sugar on his Rice Krispies before he believes they are good enough to actually eat. I've heard Good and Plentys serve as an aphrodisiac for women. Ladies? True? This would never fly today and that saddens me.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Julie's Laws

My brother has long held the position that taking saunas should be a men-only experience (no, he's straight). Unfortunately for him I love me a sweatin' good time (Richard Simmons, eat your heart out!) In fact, it was in the sauna that my dad reminded me of the "Man Law" commercials by Miller Lite. How could I forget such awesomity! Such funnariness! Such brilliantary use of celebrities! Not to mention Miller makes good points. See below for my favorites. Yeah, we don't know where those fingers have been. Boys, I'd like to introduce you to the fist-pound. I'd clink bottoms with you any day Mr. Reynolds. Burt if you're nasty.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Gimme An M-E-A-T! Gooooooo Meat!
Is it the ex-cheerleader in me that loves this commercial? Or just Julie the Meat Lover? Who knows? Who cares? All I know for sure is this commercial arouses many feelings for me. Besides making me laugh out loud, it makes me want to:
a) bust out my high school cheerleading uniform and do some freakin' hurkies*
b) eat meat. Now please.
c) move to a neighborhood with houses close enough to join in my backyard chants
d) watch old SNL skits with Will Ferrell and Cheri Oteri cheering (the Hillshire Farm moustache guy was clearly inspired by Ferrell, yes?)

*Note: I was unable to find a satisfactory hurkey on YouTube as a demonstration for those unaware of what a hurkey is. If you are reading this and you know me, I'd be happy to attempt one for you in person, however there's a good chance I will not only tear something in my groin region, but also irrevocably ruin my ego.

A second note: The official website for Hillshire Farm is How many erroneous hits do they get on that site?!

Monday, November 2, 2009

Where Can I Get A Pair Of Those Sunglasses?

If you're a lover of commercials like me, I recommend you also become a sports fan. While women are stuck as targets for products with mediocre commercials such as aspirin, weight loss tools, etc., men get the much funnier beer and fast food ads. So when Jim turned on the Viking/Packer game yesterday I did not protest. And the ad gods did not disappoint. Take this little gem for example:

Burger King! Your ingenuity knows no bounds! First, let's acknowledge the (sexy) elephant in the room- Erik Estrada is smokin' hot! Vroom vroom! Chipalicious! Of course, all he adds to the commercial's sex appeal is nullified by Carrot Top's always ridiculous presence. Although he seems to be making some kind of effort in the attractive department. Did he just get back from the University of Beefcake? I know he's been out of the orange tinted limelight for a while, but is that a muscle I see? And... a tan? So confusing! Last I saw he was doing commercials for a phone company, right? Yes! Here it is! Pale Carrot Top uses pay phone! He must have really put the pressure on his agent to get him this gig with Burger King. Working along side Erik Estrada!! Great for the street cred, not so great for the self-esteem! Estrada makes CT look like... ground chuck.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Be On The Lookout

Your weekend assignment: look for the Cheerios commercial with the couple discussing how Cheerios lowers cholesterol (man's character is Steve). This is such an uneventful commercial it's not even on YouTube! But I need some validation. Am I crazy, or did Cheerios hire a brother/sister team to play this married couple!?!? Seriously, they could be twins. Look for it. Agree with me.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Can I Get A Witness?
Bud Light does it again! I could have titled this blog BudBits and commented strictly on Anheuser-Busch commercials for all the material they provide! I love this one in large part because of the perfectly pathetic closing line: "I'll Facebook you"! Because isn't that the God's honest truth? Raise your hand if you've reluctantly confirmed an ex on Facebook, nervously giving him the opportunity to squirm back into your life (albeit your virtual life) after all the hard work of finally breaking up with him!

Now, if Bud Light were to do a "too light/too heavy" commercial about my life it would go something like this:
I'm relaxing at home; not looking particularly cute, perhaps indulging in a box of Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop Tarts and watching something along the lines of the Ellen DeGeneres show. There's a knock at the door. Surprised, I answer. A Jehovah's Witness ambushes me with her spiel, and all the while I'm thinking, "must.... find.... my balls". But I don't, and despite my meek (too light!!!!) protests, I'm sucked into a 2 hour long bible study with this stranger. Before I know what hit me, I'm going to hell.
Next time I'll be prepared! Next time I'm opting for "too heavy"! There will be an emphatic, "Not interested! Not even a little bit"! There will be holy water splashed in her face! There will be a firm closing of the door. There may be a rolling of the Watchtower and a swat on her derriere as she high tails it off my porch!!! And then I'll celebrate with a refreshing (inspiring!) Bud Light.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Sour Power

Do Sour Patch Kids really need commercials? I mean, the only times you eat Sour Patch Kids are when you go to the movies and buy them, or you get drunk and make the DD stop at a 7-11 on your way to Taco Bell so you can run in for some, or you get knocked up and guiltily binge on them until the ultrasound technician hands you baby's first picture and the uncanny resemblance to a Sour Patch Kid scares you into swearing them off... until your next pregnancy.
Despite these very secure niche markets, Sour Patch Kids do have ads on the tube these days. And good ones at that! Check 'em out:

Here are a few other sweet and sour ad ideas I, for one, would like to see:
1. High school Sour Patch Kid eggs a house, then brings victims omelets in the morning.
2. College SPK drunkenly pees in girl's backpack, then sweet talks her into dinner the next night.
3. Gangsta SPK slashes one's tires... is caught and blows tires up (using sweet and sour gummi substance rather than air!)
4. Stoner SPK eats one's complete stash of SPK in a fit of munchies... then uses his mad gummi connections to arrange lifetime supply of Sour Patch Kids for victim.

First they're sour... then they're sweet!

Monday, October 26, 2009

Trident: Making the Medicine Go Down

There is little I love more than a well-orchestrated, cheesealicious commercial. Take this one for instance: I mean, who doesn't dream of teaching their smiley, wink-adept kids to bounce in perfect alternating sync on the couch? Also, like the gum, their commercial scores points for having multiple colors: the white family, black delivery guy, Asian electrician (?), and the racially ambiguous chimney sweep. And speaking of our Dick Van Dyke wannabe, how bad do you want to watch Mary Poppins after seeing that ad? No? Just me? Well, take this:

An aside: Isn't it about time TRIdent came up with a three layer gum? Duh.

Friday, October 23, 2009

One Hell Of A Commercial

For you weekend beer warriors:
How f***ing awesome is this commercial? I'm sure as he** it never made it to TV, because of dumba** regulations, but thanks to my kicka** blog you can see for yourself it is in fact, funny s**t.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Palm Pre: Trick? Or Treat?
In the spirit of Halloween I was going to blog about the high creepy factor of this commercial. (Let it be known too, that I'm a wee bit upset Pre would pick a redhead as their alien-esque spokesmodel- like we don't have enough stereotypes to bust open! Just throw scary, rambling martian into the mix why don't you?)
But then I YouTubed the ad and thought the viewers' comments captured the icky essence of the commercial better than I ever could. Here are a few examples:
  • She looks like a vampire or something. Why didn't she put on more blush? This is such a creepy commercial. I would never want to buy this phone. (Julie's note: I don't think she's talking about a sexy, Culleny vampire either).
  • Hey look! Maculey Culkin! What's he doing here in a Palm commercial? (J: I'm not sure who should be more offended here- MC or actress?)
  • This doesn't make me want to purchase a Palm Pre as much as it's inspiring a phobia of segmented, flow-less lines delivered by a surprisingly pale actress (J: actress? I thought that was a lady-shaped marshmallow speaking)
  • What a terrible and terrifying advertisement (J: word).

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Baby Love, My Baby Love

Top 5 reasons to love the baby in E-Trade's commercials:
1. The baby has a man's voice, but they somehow make it not creepy, and for that I thank you E-Trade. Nobody likes a creepy baby (do you hear me MTV?)
2. Baby uses slang like, "coin" and "shankopotomus" which is extraordinarily funny coming from a toothless little mouth.
3. Our guy remains vulnerable to his audience, unlike your typical, snobbish, superstar commercial actor (ha ha).
4. How about those mad technology skills!? Trading online, clever web cam usage, hip to the cell phone scene... he's unstoppable! And honestly? Truly? Aren't we all just waiting for the day (probably sometime pre-kindergarten) when our kids surpass us in the world of technology, and we no longer have to pay the GeekSquad for house calls?
5. Little buddy is diversified, and not just in his portfolio- check out his black buddy with the golden pipes:

Monday, October 19, 2009

Game On.

I have never had the pleasure of flying Southwest, but from what I hear it sounds like quite the experience! I'm game for some singing flight attendants- it beats making uncomfortable small talk with the star I'm inevitably sitting next to. Happily, Southwest's commercials only endorse my trust in their entertaining abilities. For instance: Please note the gentleman at second 28 in the sweater vest. His crooked smile is worth a few thousand frequent flyer miles at the very least.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Up Up and Away

I was unsure about what commercial would be featured as today's AdBit. Then, while watching Community, it hit me like a lead balloon. (Ha ha! As you read on, you'll find that is actually kind of funny).
I've long loved Julia Louis-Dreyfus because she's hilarious, yes; because she made my best dance moves famous, yes; because her name is strikingly similar to mine, yes; but mostly I love JLD because she is my sister. Sorority sister that is. (Hot damn, Delta Gam!) So obviously I love her commercials for Healthy Choice meals. Here she is with comedy powerhouse Jane Lynch, tag teaming potential Healthy Choice consumers:
Louis-Dreyfus' brand new HC ad (not even on YouTube yet!) seemed particularly appropriate today as it shows a hot air balloon in the background dropping tiny samples of Healthy Choice meals. (See where I'm going with this yet? I'll drive it home for ya). Sooooo.... while I heart Julia, I think in light of recent events a more fitting spokesperson is the Colorado balloon boy!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Best BK Commercials- Buns Down.

I know, I know! I just blogged about people in funny costumes yesterday! But it got me thinking about the hilarity that is the Whopper Jr. I am actually off the Burger King right now because of their creepy masked King commercials, ( and also because I am convinced they are using a lower quality (and dark!) meat now in my beloved chicken sandwich. (I allow myself one every decade as they are absolutely disgusting for the ol' ticker). But all this doesn't mean I don't get my kicks off guys in burger costumes:
Truly, they cannot have too many bun puns. I laughed at every last one. What's more is that Whopperness is apparently a recessive gene as Mom and Sis are fleshy (as opposed to... meaty?).
So here and now I am starting my campaign to get creepy King off my screen and the Whopper family on screen and into the hearts of Americans. But not literally. Because too much of that stuff will kill you. Really.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Jimmy Dean. Rock On. Rock On.

I've long thought JD's commercials featuring personified heavenly bodies were cute. But the one I saw today won them a (coveted?) spot in AdBits' archives. Take a look: Cute, right? With the "blue" rainbow, etc. But then! They throw in a leprechaun!? And suddenly a good commercial becomes a great commercial! I particularly love that he has a teeny, tiny office door. Kills me. Good craic.

Here are a few more Jimmy Dean commercials for your viewing pleasure:

Monday, October 12, 2009

Macy's Celeb Mania

Macy's! How many celebs can you pack into one commercial?! Even The Beatles make a contribution with "Come Together" serenading viewers. I'd love to see the egos in action during the making of this commercial. You know Martha and Emeril were duking it out over how to make the crab puffs puffier; and Mariah and Queen Latifah are arguably the two biggest divas in the biz! The Queen got the cushy throne this time, but not without threatening physical violence I trust. J. Simpson gives a nod to her recent affair with football, and somewhere Tony Romo is groaning as he realizes he'll forever be associated with Jess. Whatever you think about Donald Trump, I've got to give him props for having a sense of humor regarding the ol' hairpiece.
And speaking of piece, being that they were able to bring these conflicting personalities together, I vote for Macy's marketing team to receive the next Nobel Peace Prize. I mean, why not!?

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Calling All Celebrities

With the economy in the tank right now, it is clear to me that many companies are cutting their advertising budgets as there seems to a cool commercial drought. Consumers are pinching their pennies and spending less on entertainment, so even the Hollywood crowd is seeing a decrease in income. For celebrities looking to make a couple extra bucks (to pay off their Bentleys or their bookies) doing product endorsements, I have these recommendations:

Britney Spears for Hanes: "When I do wear underwear, I make it Hanes"!
Madonna for GNC: "Buy your supplements here and you can be ripped and veiny like me".
Tom Hanks for Ballpark Franks. Because it rhymes and I think it's funny.
David Letterman for Tiffany's: "For when you've screwed up really bad".
Jon Gosselin for Marlboro: "When you're creating a new bad boy image, smoke Marlboros".
Kevin Federline for Big Lots: "Wife beaters- 10 for $2".
Al Gore for Pillsbury: I think he'd make a great new dough boy.
Kanye West for Wite-Out: "Oops".
Lady GaGa for Trojan: "For his and her pleasure".

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Burlington Fib Factory

Such. A. Long. Day. Consequently, I have no tolerance for the distreatment of words (whew, stupid humor is still in tact).
Burlington Coat Factory: I don't shop with you anymore because your return policy sucks. Even though you do seem to have good deals, and I am tempted sometimes. And I admit, when I did break down and throw you some business I wound up with the most supportive nursing bras I own. But I digress!!! I am annoyed with you because you claim department stores are "extinct" in your latest commercials. You can't claim that! It's not true! Just the other day, I used a year-old gift certificate at Macy's! We get your point, but still- you could try "endangered" or "in danger of extinction" or "passe". But to throw the Barneys, Younkers, and Saks of the world into the same category as Dodo birds or Michael Jackson, is to spew out false information. And for that (and because you would not accept an attempted return about 15 years ago) you are on my Naughty List.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Take It In Stride

For years and years, companies refused to put anything in a commercial that would make them look even a tiny bit negative. What I love about Stride gum is they advertise their own hirees kicking the crap out of customers to get them to chew a new piece of gum. This is a two-fer for me. I love gum that's taste lasts longer than it took me to unwrap it. (Are you listening Fruit Stripe gum? One swallow of delicious fruity flavored spit and the ride is over!) Secondly, I love funny commercials. Here are a few of Stride's:

Oo! Oo! And here's something else I love about these commercials! Their liberal use of foreigners (or wild animals as the case may be) as hitmen! Getting roughed up is one thing; getting roughed up by people in funny costumes with funny accents is a totally different and much more enjoyable thing.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Pop sTART Your Day

As if I needed another reason to love Pop Tarts. How cute is this little kid? I must get myself a little boy. And he must dance out of bed and into my kitchen every morning.

The Pop Tart camp has a new ad now with more cartoon cuties but they're just sub par compared to my little break-it-down boy. I couldn't find the new commercial on YouTube, so here's a throwback from 1967. (I know! I didn't know PTs were so old either! Do you think the Beatles were Pop Tart fans? I bet they're dee-lish when you've got the munchies!)

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

That Does Zit!
Yes. Because when I was in high school the smokin' hot girls always went after guys in chicken suits. They were so dreamy! And here's a little word to the acne-prone wise: if you're that concerned about your skin, getting a job wearing a used, sweaty, stifling chicken costume is not your best bet. Actually, if you're concerned about your life in general, chicken suits are not your best bet. Tres disappointing Clearasil- there are so many better routes to go if you're advertising zit products. Something funny with pizza perhaps? A nice chicken pox reference?

I won't beat down Clearasil too much though, and not just because they maintained my (mostly) zit-free face throughout high school. But because they rescued themselves from... well, themselves with this one: Extra sprinkles for me please!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Birthday Annoyances

Today is my 30th birthday. It's already almost 9:00am, which means I'm way behind my get drunk by 8:00 and stay drunk all day plan. Clearly, there is no time for an in-depth commercial analysis or thought provoking homily (as my entries normally are, right? right?). So here are a couple tirades- no time to YouTube 'em so just keep your eyes peeled (perhaps during The Biggest Loser tonight?)

1. The Lap Band- this is a band that is surgically put around your actual stomach as a weight loss tool. Do they really need to specify pregnant women should not have this surgery? I realize they're just covering their hineys but it seems like that would come up in pre-op.

2. Yaz- I cringe when I see this girl (in da club) explaining there was confusion during Yaz's last commercial and she's going to clear it up. She goes on to explain Yaz can be used for moderate acne but not severe, for birth control but not STD control, for potty training 2 year olds but not 60 year old leaky bladders, for inducing vomiting after binge drinking but not for bulimics, for increasing breast size, but not if you have implants... maybe she didn't say some of that, but the point is she did not clear anything up- she just used a lot of words to confuse viewers. There's a good chance she moonlights as a speech writer for our president.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Viva la Chinchillas!

If you're Las Vegas you better have good commercials. They've been inconsistent with their ads in the past- some funny, some just an attempt at funny. But their recent Chinchilli Day commercial? Love it! I'm pretty sure there are some parts that could be considered offensive (sombrero wearing chinchillas, for example) but as it turns out, I'm more than happy to overlook political incorrectness for a laugh. Additionally, the presumed shooting of the last chinchilla is sure to piss off PETA, which gives the commercial bonus points in my book.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Hold the Muffin Top Please

As I try to shed the last several pounds leftover from pregnancy #2, I find myself paying particular attention to weight loss commercials. And mouth-watering food commercials. With Subway, I get a little bit of both. No, I'm not going to shove Jared in your face, and no, I'm not going to sing the $5 dollar foot long song. I'm talking about their good commercials; this one for instance: or

One could argue these are a little offensive- I mean, a badonkadonk butt can be a thing of beauty. And I'm here to tell you my thunder thighs have served me well for many years. Not to mention, one's self-esteem should not rest solely on one's weakness for fast food! But that's a whole different (less funny, more psychological) blog. In all honesty, these fatty phrases, paired with the actors' naive facial expressions and serious tones, are as hilarious as any commercial out there.

Here are a few more for ya: (please note the butt-popping motion this gentleman performs) (the God's honest truth for you sports lovers) (this is not funny to me because I've actually had buttons pop off my pants and go flying across the room- suddenly this commercial becomes a lot less hilarious and a lot more effective).

A Teaser: Tune in tomorrow when we will be observing Chinchilli Day.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Nobody Puts Sandals in the Corner

As resorts go, Sandals seems to be legit (and even classy!), so I was surprised to see their cheesy commercial. Don't get me wrong, I still liked it thanks to their music selection. "I've Had the Time of My Life" summons fond Dirty Dancing memories. Clearly they are appealing to the public's undying love for the movie, and nostalgia for Johnny Castle in particular. Sandals' marketing team stopped just short of showing dance classes taught by sexy, mullet-sporting* Swayze lookalikes. Cheesalicious.

*Never, in all my days, did I think I'd seriously use this oxymoron.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Monday Mystery

I don't have a cat, but it seems like those who do would want their feline to know exactly where to find the litter box. Fresh Step boasts kitty litter that makes finding the box impossible for the cat. Buyers everywhere are going to have wet beds, dirty shoes, and an empty litter box.

Friday, September 18, 2009


This is such a naughty little commercial! I've seen less naughty commercials banned from the airwaves forever! But somehow (sandwich bribery most likely), Quiznos remains free to arouse the American people with their tres risque talking oven. (That's right- I said "arouse!" Anybody who claims to be not even a little turned on by this ad is a boldfaced liar!!!)

Let's rehash:
1. Scott looks downward as he claims he won't do "that" again because it burned. You didn't Scott!! You wouldn't! You couldn't! Did you?
2. The oven's voice puts Morgan Freeman to shame. And he says Scott's name repeatedly. Anybody who hears their name said like that is going to put out. Even if it is an oven.
3. The oven asks Scott to put it in him and then we flash to "foot long flavor". Where does that take your mind? I know where mine goes, and it isn't to a tasty ruler.
4. Our dominatrix-esque oven then has Scott repeat the price sexier and sexier until Scott nails it (!) with his mouth full of yummy sandwich.

By this time my mouth is watering for um... a sandwich. But I gotta feel bad for Scott- he'll forever be the oven's wingman when they go out clubbin'. He just doesn't stand a chance with that smokin' hot oven around.

An aside: why name it the Torpedo? It doesn't suit this sammy at all. I call for a name change. Raise your hand if you'd rather it be called The Penetrator.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Toe Curling Nastiness

Ok Mucinex, I understand why you would take a gross cartoon approach to your very nasty (but necessary! I'm not knocking it!) product. Products like these are stuck between a slimy, snot covered rock and a crap-smeared hard place. What is the appropriate approach to marketing something that brings giggles to elementary school kids everywhere? The Beanos, Mucinexes, and Pepto Bismols of the world do the best they can given their circumstances. Most products alleviating embarrassing bodily functions or fluids take the humorous path, and rightly so! I believe most people have a healthy appreciation for potty humor- even those of us disgusted and embarrassed by such commercials are smiling inwardly as we roll our eyes.

So where to draw the line? The answer is here:
This is similar to the Mucinex commercial and every commercial ever made for athlete's foot, but here's where it differs: the germ lifts the toenail up. Need I say more? You're curling your toes and shivering in horror right now, aren't you? It's too repulsive, and it doesn't even satisfy our inner schoolchild. It is simply, unbearably vile.
I apologize for giving you the visual; I hope Adbits readers are better at filtering these things out of their brains than I am. But if I'm going to lay awake tonight imagining my toenails being pried up then I at least had to make a bloggy effort to recruit some misery to keep me company.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Tuesday Night Tubavision

It is possible that when one writes a blog about various commercials, readers may assume he or she is a TV-watching couch potato. But I swear I'm not! I have an actual life! Unless we're talking about Tuesdays between 8 and 10pm. Then The Biggest Loser is my life. I am totally addicted to watching fat people get skinny. Tonight I cozied up with a root beer float and settled in for the season premiere.

Besides watching chubby people lose weight (and the fact that they always show a shot of a full moon before the weekly weigh-ins), I also love the shameless product placements and weight loss commercials every 15 or so minutes. (No, this wasn't just a passionate plug for my favorite show- I'm making it relevant to the blog's actual reason for being).

In the past, BL contestants have enjoyed Subway, 100 Calorie Packs, Extra gum, and enough Brita water to drown Shamu. (The whale reference is strictly coincidental). Anyway, it is clear the ads are targeting an overweight audience on Tuesday evenings. Makes sense, right? Tonight I was interested to see commercials for things like Abilify, an anti-depressant. Perhaps the logic there is that the BL audience is a fat, (and therefore, sad) group in need of happy pills? I'm just speculating here! Or how about Brooke Shields as the Latisse spokesperson? "Attention chunky viewers! Here is a supermodel whose biggest problem is medically diagnosed [?!?!?!] skimpy eyelashes! Feel your esteem plummeting? Well, after you lose a hundred or so pounds, you too can begin obsessing over tiny physical flaws!"

Yes, my Tuesday night "sit on my butt" fests are back in season. And so I say, bring on the fat and bring on the ads!

Monday, September 14, 2009

Let Loose the Moose!

It's always a little weird for me when I see an actor in one commercial and then he or she pops up in another. When the Yoplait chick (of the, "ok I was outside and then I came in" tirade a few blogs ago) showed up on the creepy Verizon commercial ("this is a dead zone") it doubled my hatred for that commercial (can't she ever do a commercial in which she's not a haughty bi- um... hag?) However, my love for Moose (think Enterprise Rent-A-Car ads) is so deep and wide that I had to Google this actor for his real name: Nate Torrence (I prefer Moose, but whatever).

I first noticed Nate in his Enterprise commercials, but was happy to see him again and again stomping for Golden Grahams, Volkswagen, and Capital One (CO ads with David Spade killed me: Torrence also landed a role in the critically disclaimed movie, Get Smart. According to Google findings, he was also in Click with Adam Sandler, but I don't remember him in that (which is unusual because he's normally pretty unforgettable). He's sort of Kevin James-ish with an even sillier edge. For instance: Speaking of silly, I also found in my "research" (can I really call it that? It took all of 20 seconds) he was a state champion gymnast. If that is true (and it must be since I read it on the Internet!) something went terribly wrong with his body between now and then, bless his [chub encased] heart. Of course, I have to believe his chunky physique is what makes him so endearing and provides comic relief to commercials that would otherwise suck (namely the Enterprise ad). So, big spending companies (Coke? Nike? You guys listening?) I say unto you, hire this man! Let loose the MOOSE!

Friday, September 11, 2009

Almost Forgot!

Actually, I did forget yesterday. I forgot to blog! Airhead. I think it's the change of seasons. Sucking the brilliance right out of me. "Brilliance?" you're thinking. Ok, I deserve that.

But what I was referring to in my title is this fabulously hilarious commercial I almost forgot about! I think it aired a couple years ago. It sort of makes me want to go back to work in an office. But only if I can have a Nextel. And work with these specific gentlemen. You know what? Forget it- I can rock out in my own living room. Maybe I should make this a vlog so the world can see my sweet dance moves. Nah, better to leave them guessing.
Nextel led with a winner, but every commercial of theirs I've seen since has been disappointing. Perhaps this is how the Democratic party feels about Obama. (Oo! When did you get so political Jules? Must be the season thing again.)

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Freaky Wednesday

In honor of today's freaky date (09/09/09) here is a freakin' funny commercial:

Also freaky:
*Today American Idol announced Ellen DeGeneres as Paula Abdul's placement: another reason for her to get her freak on on national television.

*Nicole Richie and Joel Madden had a son and named him Sparrow James Midnight Madden: bound to be a freak

*Obama's addressing the nation about health care: freakin' stupid (and annoyingly commercial-free)

*17 year old Georgia girl is dominating the U.S. Open: she's dating a 15 year old, which if I remember correctly, is pretty freaky to high schoolers.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Naughty Little Ads!

I'm feeling a little impish today, so here are some banned commercials for your viewing pleasure (or discomfort as the case may be).

Pepsi: This is not that risque so I have to believe it was banned because of Brit's poor singing.

Centrum: I didn't know you had it in you you naughty vitamins! Too bad it was banned, I think it would have been wildly successful!

Axe: About 90% of the banned commercials I found belonged to Axe. They're dirty. Consequently, they've got my business! Please note the girl picking her wedgie in this particular banned commercial.

Wendy's: Was this banned because somebody with an accent blew something up? No, I'm serious! Is that why?

Levi's: A predictable ending I thought. What's not predictable is the UK banning this. They're supposed to be the naughtiest bunch of blokes on the planet and they ban this?

Monday, September 7, 2009

Talledega Nights

Yesterday I caught a bit of Talledega Nights on TV. There were enough commercials in the actual movie to supply me with blog material for a year. I've seen the movie before (in the theater believe it or not!) but I was taking a pregnancy test the next morning and was pretty sure I was knocked up so I concentrated on the big screen not at all. (Molly was born T minus 36 weeks later). But I digress. One of my favorite parts of the movie is the dinner scene; the whole family sitting down to a delicious meal of Dominoes, Taco Bell, KFC, etc. Only Peyton Manning has endorsed more products! And of course Will Ferrell's character drives the Wonderbread car. But what company gets the most bang for their buck? Shake and Bake baby! The best "placement" was a product we don't even see! I wish I knew Shake and Bake's involvement in the making of the movie. How does that work? Did the producers contact them? Did the conversation go something like this?

Producers: "We'd like to feature your product in our new movie."
S & B: "Really? You want to feature Shake and Bake? The scrumptious chicken coating?"
Producers: "Yes. It will cost you 5 million dollars for the product placement."
S & B: "Um. This is awkward. We only bring in $25,000 a year."
Producers: "Huh. Is that right?" (muffled talk in the background) "Well, for $2,000 we'll just mention the product a few times but nobody will actually see any Shake and Bake chicken."
S & B: "Did you know we also offer Shake and Bake for pork now?"
Producers:"Tell you what. Send a few boxes of your product over to the set and we'll just work it into the movie free of charge."
S & B: "Deal."

Friday, September 4, 2009

To Love and To Loathe

To Love: Ikea. (cannot find commercial on YouTube :( Just keep watching for it on regular TV)
Admittedly, my fondness for this commercial may stem from my unconditional love for Ikea. But can't we all relate to this? A face plant right into our very own bed after being away from home? Especially (as any fair-skinned redhead can attest) when our skin is aflame with sunburn and the only thing on the planet that will offer any relief is our cool, cool (in my head they're always white) sheets. Ahhhh. The muffled words and captions only add charm and wit to an already refreshing commercial. I love you Ikea! And your little pencils too!

To Loathe: Yoplait
You condescending biz-nitch!!! Of course the seamstress is going to be confused! You tell her you've been mowing down on Boston Creme Pie and the like, and then look at her like she's an idiot when she thinks you want your clothes taken out!! "Ok, I was just outside and now I'm in." This line, delivered in what can only be described as condescending, (or disdainful, patronizing, uppity, etc....) convinces me that I'm simply not a big enough bitch* to eat Yoplait yogurt.

*I realize this is the 3rd variation of the B-word in my last 2 posts. But when you need the word bitch, nothing else will do.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009


A poem for Sonic in iambic pandemonium.

Oh Sonic, I love you so
I watch your commercials
during my favorite show.

They make me laugh,
they give me the giggles-
two people talking in a car
my funny bone tickles.

This one below involves tator tots-
funny ad, plus the food doesn't cost lots.

I had a Sonic smoothie
after giving birth.
Nothing tasted better
on this entire Earth.

Too bad for Sonic
they employed Paris Hilton
as well as Nicole Richie.
They're crazy annoying and
SuperSonic bitchy.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Oh Mannequin!

Old Navy. Rarely do I prefer a non-funny commercial to a "funny" one. However, ON was "on" (ha ha) to somethig with their ultra peppy, but entertaining commercials featuring dancers flaunting Bermuda shorts, striped outerwear, and the like. For instance: vs.

The actual dialogue between the mannequins isn't bad, but it's all a little too creepy, ventriloquist-ish for me. The previous campaign was funny in a cheesy way, (I love me some cheese!) but catchy, and (most importantly) it provided me with some of my sweetest dance moves.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

America's Commercial Sweethearts?

As promised, here I am with the [completely subjective] list of commercials with the cutest kiddos. Never say I don't deliver!

1. Welch's (grape juice). Here's just one of their adorable spokeskids: Where did they find these kids? They're supernaturally darling. Plus they have actual lines to say, which no other child on this list does.

2. Mott's (applesauce). Oh Marcia Cross. I'm almost too jealous of you to put this on my list. But the blog deserves the truth so Jules' pride be damned! The truth is you are living my dream with your redheaded boy/girl twins. They're gorgeous, applesauce-eating darlings. For my own selfish sanity I have to believe they're rotten brats.

3. Cole and Dylan Sprouse for Danimals. Ha ha! Not really- just seeing if you were paying attention.

4. Huggies (diapers). Frankly, the starring baby is average looking, (I hope his 'rents aren't Ad Bits fans) but I'm a big fan of this commercial: Sneaky! They had me sold on those sassy running shoes and then... BAM! I'm buying Huggies instead!

5. Tyson (chicken nuggets). These kids are hilarious- I particularly adore the one who crams his veggies in the car and pushes it away (not bad acting kid- you may have a future in the biz). But could I have a word with Tyson please? It is not the amazing feat you seem to believe it is to get a kid to eat chicken freaking nuggets above their peas.

6. Frosted Mini Wheats (cereal). This is hugely disappointing! I cannot find the exact commercial I'm looking for! You know the one? With the little girl who (God love 'er) is cute sort of like a pug is cute. She certainly won't be winning any beauty pageants anytime soon (although those aren't really won on looks anymore are they? But that's a whole different blog). The truth is, this girl coulda been my kid with those freckles and those ears (I can see you now, "Oh! I know the commercial she means now!"). Come clean time- my sibs affectionately (?) refer to me as "Lefty" because my left ear sticks out. Jim also has sticker-outers but at least he's symmetrical. Because I have this empathy for her I choose to pronounce her "Cutest Commercial Kid". Which I can do. Despite your audible protests.

Friday, August 28, 2009


Today I was going to do my favorite kids in commercials but my computer went down so I am sharing Jim's computer (i.e. begging Jim for a couple minutes on his computer, even though he's trying to do actual work that brings in an actual income). So consider this a teaser and be thinking of your favorite rugrat commercial actors, who deserve some props for putting up with their stage moms' disappointment that they are still only doing commercials. Hang in there stage moms- there is somebody writing a horrifying movie for your child to star in that is bound to screw them up irrevocably.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

There's A Tear In My Beer

A tear of joy that is! Hands down, the beer industry has the best commercials. Insurance companies are rallying but they just don't have the sex appeal beer does. I could be here all day talking about beer commercials and since my girls are tired, cranky, and needing baths, I'm going to do a great injustice by listing my top three favorites (with every intent of revisiting beer commercials again soon).

Honorable Mention: Captain Morgan. This isn't a beer so they only get an honorable mention, but I had to throw them a bloggy bone for ads such as this:

Honorable Mention: Bud Light. These ads are absolutely my favorite. Unfortunately, I believe they were just on radio and never on TV so they just get the HM.

2nd runner up: Dos Equis. Their spokesman gives Chuck Norris himself a run for his money. This commercial is just one of a few (are they just now starting to advertise on TV? I think so! They've been holding back!) One of my other favorites claims he lives vicariously through... himself. I've said it before and I'll say it again- if a company can pull off hilarity using a serious tone like this, they'll be hugely successful. Or at least win 2nd runner up on obsure blogs.

1st runner up: Labatt Blue. Yes, in a surprise twist Labatt Blue wins 2nd place! Unfortunately I couldn't find some of my favorite commercials starring the Blue Bear as they are pretty old but please trust that this one (while funny) is just the tip of the Canadian beer iceberg. I watch a lot of hockey so I'm quite familiar with these commercials but what I love most about them is: a) I haven't seen one in quite some time but it stuck with me and that is important in a marketing campaign, right? b) I not only remembered the commercials but what brand they were advertising! I have to admit with Dos Equis and even my first place winner I had to double check with Jim to make sure I wasn't getting my beers mixed up. And c) the talking bear (I can't help it).

And first place goes to.... Coors Lite! For their hilarious press conference commercials! Here are a few of my favs:
The guys asking the questions are perfectly cast and hilarious in every way. Coors Lite is the official beer sponsor of the Superbowl, which I imagine is a really big deal and undoubtedly puts immense stress on the Coors marketing think tank. I'm here to tell you Coors Lite- you delivered. You delivered on the tube and consequently I'm sure you deliver a lot of beer.

Note: I know I said I'd only do the top three but I added the honorable mentions at the last minute. I couldn't help myself.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

I'm in a list making mood this week! Here are commercials with (what I believe to be) the best music...
1. Target/Calabria:
2. Planters Peanuts/Just Too Good To Be True:
3. Apple/Technologic:
4. MasterCard/We Want the Funk:
5. Honda/Orange Sky: I couldn't find this one! Boo!

And my personal favorite.... Swiffer!!! Way to use classic tunes to sell your product! (Baby Come Back) (Breaking Up Is Hard To Do) (Don't You Want Me Baby)
And these are just a few! Swiffer, you can clean my house anytime! (Actually, anyone can- open invitation).

Here are a few ideas of my own that I think would liven up ads for the following companies:
Payless: Footloose
Cool Whip: Whip It (is that too obvious?)
Bandaid or Banana Boat: Blister in the Sun (I'll let the two companies duke it out for rights to that one)
Botox: Poker Face
Trojan condoms: I Get Around (I think the Beach Boys would be honored)
Burger King: Dancing Queen (perhaps a creepy lady love for the creepy, masked king)
Hanes: Underneath Your Clothes (get Charlie Sheen out of those commercials and get us some Shakira!)
Rolex: Time After Time (duh.)
Any car touting a high safety rating: Crash Into Me

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

If I Were A Commercial Actress....

Here are some commercials I would not be in for any amount of money:
1. Pepto Bismol. Their upset stomach, diarrhea jingle is both catchy and gross. But the commercials keep getting weirder and weirder. Let me direct your attention to this one as a case in point:
2. Head-On. Be in our commercial and the whole world will hate you! Thanks but no thanks.
3. Activia. I take issue with most yogurt commercials anyway, but this one gets a little too close to the digestive tract for comfort.
4. KY Yours and Mine. These commercials are funny (and weird- likening sex to a circus trick? Odd. But I would have to refuse their advances (if you will) on the off chance my Daddy may see it.
5. Smooth Away. Granted, I don't care to be in any infomercial- especially one magnifying my hairiest body parts. Are those actresses paid a lot? It seems there should be an indignity clause in their contracts, securing them a little extra moola.
6. Many pharmaceutical commercials. I hope this goes without saying, but I don't care to be in a herpes or erectile dysfunction ad. I remain unsure how "Smiling Bob" from the Enzyte commercials can face the world every day. Thankfully, they are in huge trouble and owe 2.5 mil for being straight up (pun totally intended) idiots.

On the flip side, here are some commercials I'd love to be in!
1. Cover Girl (or Neutrogena). This would mean I am gorgeous and have flawless skin. Move over Vanessa Hudgens!
2. Skittles. Or Sour Patch Kids. These are funny commercials and maybe I would get free candy?
3. Any commercial in which Johnny Depp is the celebrity spokesperson (for obvious, gorgeous reasons). Of course I have never seen him endorse anything. Except France.

Monday, August 24, 2009

I Want the Funk! (and More!)

Ohhhh... back to school, back to school
To prove to dad that I'm not a fool
I've got my lunch packed up,
My boots tied tight,
I hope I don't get in a fight
Ohhhh... back to school, back to school
~ Adam Sandler (Billy Madison)

It's that time of year! TVs across the country are blowing up with back to school commercials! Sadly, I have yet to see my all-time favorite BTS ad: Dancing is practically a must have for these Aug-Sept ads and I've never seen better break it down boys than these in the Visa commercial. Old Navy has some decent dancers and JCPenny kids can bust a move in a big way. Remember a few years back the little girl they featured in their B2S commercial? Alyson Stoner. She went on to be in a Missy Elliot video, played Sally on Mike's Super Short Show (Disney thing), was cast in Phineas and Ferb, and finally hit the big time in the phenomenon that is Camp Rock. (And there you have it folks- my tangent du jour).

Staples' ad is worth mentioning as it captures a dad's joy at sending his kids back to school, while they are clearly dismayed. Or maybe they're dismayed because their friends will show up with bright, funky folders and pencils while their supplies are business casual. Hit the Easy Button kids, perhaps that will brighten things up.
Office Max disappoints with their hidden cam/penny prank commercials. Even this guy's red hair doesn't salvage his commercials. When he tries to pay for large ticket items (diamond ring, car, etc.) with pennies he acts freaking smug and I end up pitying the salesperson and vowing to stop shopping at Office Max (or rather, I vow to not start shopping there). Bring back the rubberband man Office Max!

Friday, August 21, 2009

The What What What!?

I don't know if infomercials fall under Adbits jurisdiction, but the Neckline Slimmer is too funny not to mention. I particularly love that there are three levels (beginning, medium, and advanced). With all due respect, if you buy this and cannot immediately start at the advanced level you likely have other muscles you should be toning before tackling that turkey neck. That being said, it is becoming abundantly clear to me as I approach my 30th birthday that this could be a useful tool (in theory). But then I look at it and it is too hilarious to be legit. What do you think?

Friday's Flo's Day

MSN had a link to this article today regarding Progressive's spokesperson, Flo.
I was not in a hurry to comment on the Progressive ads but since MSN brought it up...

I first "met" Flo in her commercial claiming you could save enough money to buy a "big, tricked out name tag." I was immediately put off because, a) she's basically saying you'll save 1-2 dollars and b) her name tag was not even tricked out. There were no rhinestones, no neon lights, just three letters on a white background. F L O. But it's Friday and I'm feeling generous so I won't blame her completely for that. She was just reading the lines they gave her, right? Then, I tried to blame her for being a cartoon character. But again, that's Progressive's handy-work. Her commercials following the name tag debacle were mildly annoying but so far nothing I can't handle. I'm just very aware that she has the potential to send me jumping off a bridge in annoyance at any moment, with any one line that comes out of her mouth. But she hasn't so far and that says a lot. But you better watch your step Flo. Just watch your step.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Soul Funny

I know, I know. Me and my animal commercials. But seriously? Everyone I know (?) loves this commercial! Usually rodents freak me out to no end, but apparently when they're huge and tapping their little paws on the car door, while bopping their rodent heads to "A New Way to Roll"*, they are hil-ar-ious! I appreciate that Kia made a commercial differentiating themselves from the billions of other vehicle ads, but even more I appreciate their use of giant hamsters. Hamsters with some personality nonetheless! They're hip and cool, bold (they chose a red Soul!), and environmentally friendly (the hamster in the backseat indicates carpooling). Kia does a good job of not making the critters silly and that's what works for this commercial- the seriousness of the hamsters. They're just loving life- driving on a sunny day, rockin' out with the windows down, acknowledging (but not gloating) their less fortunate, wheel-spinning buddies. It in no way makes me want a hamster (or a Kia, actually) but I do give them props for an entertaining ad!

* I Googled this song playing in the ad, and found there are some claims that other songs play in different versions of the commercial. But I like this one best.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Caught Ya Mars, Inc!

Yesterday I saw a commercial for personalized M&Ms (to be clear, this was 7/18/09). They advertise a free bag of M&Ms with your order (ok, you have my attention), but the expiration date that flashes on the screen is 7/15/09! Not cool to dangle free M&Ms in front of the general public and then claim the offer is expired Mars, Inc. Not cool at all.

Geyser of Ick

Have you guys seen this commercial for Gushers fruit snacks?
Thanks to this commercial I will never allow Gushers in my house. This is what is communicated to me in their 30 second time slot:
1. These will distract my kid from their schoolwork.
2. They will cover my home in disgusting, sticky, staining goo.
3. After touching a million things with their sticky little patties, my children's teeth will begin to rot, compliments of this gushing goo.
4. The liquid sugar bomb coated with additional cavity-creating sugar is bound to get my kiddos unbearably hyper.

As you can see, Gushers are the perfectly destructive storm. Now let's be clear on something- normally I love the brightly colored sweet candies. Skittles? Oh yes, I taste the rainbow. Gummi bears? I buy 'em in bulk. Jujubes? I can't enjoy a movie without those chewy little loves! But these candy darlings don't magnify their weaknesses in icky commercials. Maybe the Gushers commercial speaks seductively to kids, but I'm willing to bet any mom who sees that squirting, drippy mess of an ad will skip the Gushers and opt for a less messy treat with a more appetizing ad campaign. Mentos anyone?

Friday, August 14, 2009

Jimmys Beware!

Who knew synthetic oil could be so funny!? Not me. Truth be told, I don't even know what synthetic oil is. But if ever I am in a position where I need such a thing (it goes in your car, right?) I will be sure to request Castrol. For one thing, their spokesperson (if you can even call him that) is Scottish (accents= hilarity) and a redheaded Scotsman at that! You can bet any commercial with a ginger is going to be a favorite of mine. Additionally, our Scottish friend repeatedly inflicts pain on unwitting Jimmys, and isn't this why America's Funniest Videos is still on the air? Americans love watching strangers in pain! Good thinking Castrol! What's the best part of the commercial? No, it's not the Scot's bushy, crimson beard. It's that golden slogan: "Think With Your Dipstick Jimmy!"

But the number one reason Castrol wins the "Julie's Commercial That Comes In Handy Like All The Time" award? My husband's name is Jimmy.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


Let me provide a little food for thought. I saw an ad for a pregnancy test (can't remember which brand and am too tired to look it up) in Florida; this ad showed a stream hitting a stick and a voice says, "the most advanced piece of technology you'll ever... ahem on." I saw the same commercial in Michigan but this time the voice says, "the most advanced piece of technology you'll ever pee on." Is this weird to anybody else? Are Michiganders so uncouth that commercials can be cruder up here? I don't think so but what else is the logic behind the different verbiage? Anyone?

Note: For those who have ever visited a "Trying To Conceive" (TTC) message board, POAS stands for "Pee On A Stick."

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Dairy Queen Of My Heart

The weather is finally August appropriate here in MI and ice cream is calling my name. Consequently, I'd like to draw your attention to the Dairy Queen commercial(s). The one with the floating mouth stupidly buying 2 million Girl Scout cookies doesn't do much for me. I guess it provides a little comfort in that DQ isn't likely to run out of the Thin Mint Blizzards; but do they even show a close-up shot of the cookies swirling around in creamy deliciousness? I don't think they do! And that is what's going to make me get my sweaty hiney (spell check? I've never actually typed hiney before) off the couch and into the closest Dairy Queen.

However, taste buds need not fret! You'll get your Blizzard after all as the DQ ad I saw yesterday is a different story. Its got it all. Clever and adorably toothless businessgirl (note: a responsible adult escort stands just feet away- safety first!), scrumptious thin mint cookies, and chubby guy's conscience screaming at him to "buy the cookies"! Round that off with zoomed in shots of the Blizzards (size: large) complete with giant cookie chunks and surrounded by steam (purpose? none. But somehow works when swirling around this yumminess).

The best part? The handy caloric justification that by buying a Thin Mint Blizzard I'm supporting the Girl Scouts. Thanks to me and my expanding hips, young women will have increased esteem, be First Aid qualified, and able to start a fire with a toothpick. I'm coming to get you Blizzard!

Monday, August 10, 2009

A Dentist By Any Other Name

What a fun weekend! We had weddings, baby showers, our TV is back in order after taking a small hiatus- all kinds of excitement! But it's Monday and we must get back to commercial business. It seems appropriate to start the week with a smile, so how about that Colgate commercial with Brooke Shields? Not a particularly noteworthy ad except for Brooke's dentist's name: Dr. Joyce Fang! Love it! This is funny for the obvious reasons, but also because I'm starting to notice a pattern of punny names in the field of dentistry. For example, my past dentists have been: Dr. Beaver, Dr. Payne, and most recently, Dr. King (insert your favorite crown pun here).

I'm a Crest girl by choice, but tag teaming brushers with Brooke Shields and Dr. Fang? Colgate truly could not have produced more reputable mouth professionals.

Friday, August 7, 2009

My Taco Bell, My Love

Today's commercial of choice is in honor of my husband (have I mentioned him? He's the coolest!) who brought this Taco Bell ad to my attention. First a little background on my love affair with Taco Bell. In addition to providing delicious food (to be enjoyed sober, drunk, or hungover) their marketing team is second to none. Let's take a look at their marketing genius of past:
1. They were talking animal pioneers with the talking chihuahua (I heard he died this year- R.I.P. little buddy)
2. They made the phrase, "run for the border" as popular as keggers on college campuses.
3. They encouraged consumers to, "think outside the bun"- yes! And inside the taco shell!
4. They coined the term "fourth meal" (best idea ever in more ways than one)

And now they bring us the, "It's all about the Roosevelts Baby" song!
The song is catchy, the video seriously funny (little blinged out piggy banks? Priceless!), and it is perfectly consistent with their marketing strategy! Additionally, I see this song is available as a ring tone. I'm here to tell you- I'm tempted. I love you Taco Bell marketing team! Keep 'em coming!

note: does TB's mad marketing skills make up for the elimination of the Chili Cheese Burrito? Let's not get carried away.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Cows in CA

Today I had the pleasure of touring a friend's dairy farm (so much fun AND wore Molly out in a big way, which is what I strive for on a daily basis). My visit was educational (cows only have teeth on the bottom!) and blogicational as it got me thinking about the infamous California cows and the California Milk Board's claim that "Happy Cows come from California". What!? Come on Cali! Maybe this ad works out west (namely, in CA) but why air it across the country? At best it may inspire a handful of former die-hard Californians to search (in vain?) for Californian milk at their local Piggly Wiggly (or whatever). At worst it will insult other geographic areas and instigate Facebook groups entitled, "Cows are not happier in California" (446 members) and the much more adamant group, "Happy Cows Do Not F***ing Come From California" (19,838 members).

Admittedly, the cows are entertaining (when they aren't running away from a snowy terrain, leaving me feeling like an idiot for staying in such a blizzardy habitat).
This one with the earthquake is cute, but something tells me earthquakes don't really make anyone happier.

So, California- you may have your surfing, your vineyards, and your amazing national parks, but since cows can't enjoy any of these things I trust they are NOT, in fact, happier in California.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

all For Loving You

Is this a clever commercial or what? Strategically slipped into the prime "Mommy's TV time" time slot, moms everywhere watch as ketchup, Cheetos, and other stainy foods raise a white flag, surrendering to all [brand] laundry detergent. Frankly I think all should be proud of themselves. Proud enough to capitalize their brand name in fact! Yes, all. This ad takes you from all to All!

Of course, if I put this commercial together I'd have a white flag raising out of a baby's backside as I find poop stains on onesies to be most persistent.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Puppet Love

More and more you may notice my love of anything animalistic in commercials: the Geico gecko, the Boost Mobile pigs, etc. Well here's another notch on my critter loving bedpost- the car fox.
The casting is fabulous; nice, normal couple meets shady, moustachey car salesman. I do empathize with the sales guy in that I spend much of my time voicing a cow puppet for Molly's entertainment. I scarcely remember my regular voice sometimes, but my cow voice sounds strikingly similar to this gentleman's fox intonation.

What's important here though, is that after I totaled my car last December and started shopping around for a new vehicle, this absolutely silly commercial prompted me to request a Car Fax! Once in a while these ads actually serve their purpose!

Monday, August 3, 2009

Long vs. "I'm a PC"

Happy Monday! Over the weekend it occurred to me I would be remiss to not mention the Microsoft/Mac ad war. I love my PC, but I have to say when Justin Long started taking the old, square, no-name PC guy to school I was feeling a little sheepish. "Here I am, a hip and cool (?) twenty-something using a PC!" I thought. "I should be typing my memoirs (ha!) on a sassy orange laptop like Elle Woods in Legally Blonde!" Really, they couldn't have found a better Mac than Justin. I mean- he dated Drew Barrymore! But then. After a Long period of abuse from Apple, Microsoft finally responded with the "I'm a PC" commercials. "These people are well-rounded and living life and seem super-cool" I thought. *slip credit card back into wallet and with nothing more than a backward glance, walk away from colorful Apples*

Just like that Microsoft undid an entire marketing scheme. For me, at least. Honestly, Mac people are Mac people and PC people are PC people. For the most part. Both parties may get the occasional drifter but computer users are pretty loyal to their... well... computers.

Friday, July 31, 2009

A Note on Movie Trailers

I realize these aren't "real" commercials, but have a couple opinions anyway (believe it or not).
1. If you are a trailer for a scary movie, I hate you.
2. If you are a trailer for a scary movie featuring disburbed, creepy children (which most of you seem to be these days) I have 2 scoops of hate with some despise on top for you.
3. If you're a funny movie, I'll throw you some love- even if I can predict your ending from your 20 second ad.

I always thought commercials for scary movies should only come on after say... 10:00 pm. But yesterday some crazy scary trailer came on at like 7:00; normally I try to quickly mute or change the channel but I couldn't make it to the remote in time and sure enough, my 2 year old watches and looks at me with big eyes, "Scary!" So now I need to protect my own wussy self, and also my little munchkin, who is apparently paying attention to something besides Dora now.