Friday, September 18, 2009


This is such a naughty little commercial! I've seen less naughty commercials banned from the airwaves forever! But somehow (sandwich bribery most likely), Quiznos remains free to arouse the American people with their tres risque talking oven. (That's right- I said "arouse!" Anybody who claims to be not even a little turned on by this ad is a boldfaced liar!!!)

Let's rehash:
1. Scott looks downward as he claims he won't do "that" again because it burned. You didn't Scott!! You wouldn't! You couldn't! Did you?
2. The oven's voice puts Morgan Freeman to shame. And he says Scott's name repeatedly. Anybody who hears their name said like that is going to put out. Even if it is an oven.
3. The oven asks Scott to put it in him and then we flash to "foot long flavor". Where does that take your mind? I know where mine goes, and it isn't to a tasty ruler.
4. Our dominatrix-esque oven then has Scott repeat the price sexier and sexier until Scott nails it (!) with his mouth full of yummy sandwich.

By this time my mouth is watering for um... a sandwich. But I gotta feel bad for Scott- he'll forever be the oven's wingman when they go out clubbin'. He just doesn't stand a chance with that smokin' hot oven around.

An aside: why name it the Torpedo? It doesn't suit this sammy at all. I call for a name change. Raise your hand if you'd rather it be called The Penetrator.

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