Friday, May 27, 2011

Good Carma

I'm hitting the open (except for 8 bajillion pounds of Memorial Day traffic) road this weekend!  Heading up north for some Memorializing Days.  Going rustic.  Getting my hick on.  Much like this happy couple:
 

Reasons I love this ad:
1.  I love this song and it reminds me of Juno, one of my all-time fave movies.
2.  The fox reminds me of my dog, Allie (a Sheltie- all Shelties look a little foxy I think.)
3.  He takes her shoe shopping?  Hot.  Guys?  You should ALL take your ladies shoe shopping on your first date.  Then later, if animals pop out of your facial hair?  It will be enduring rather than date-ending.
4.  Who doesn't love baby birds?  I'm reminded of The Twits by Roald Dahl.  Mr. Twit always had stuff stuck in his beard and incidentally his favorite meal was bird pie.  He was despicable.  But he never took his wife shoe shopping either.
5.  I'm so happy car companies are moving forward (pun intended) in the advertising department.  Remember how lame they all used to be?  It was car after car driving down a curvy road, usually on a mountain.  Nobody in Michigan can relate to that!  But bagging a river trout?  That's an idea we can get behind (without a doubt!)
6.  I think their next commercial should be a Beach Boys remix of "Help Me Rhonda," but instead sing, "Help me Honda."
7.  My numerical list is getting out of hand.  Let's just give the Hybrid a Hyfive and be done.
8.  Happy Memorial Day!  I hope your long weekend is full of minimal traffic, maximum relaxation, and awesome commercials.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

WWW Wednesday

Whine:  How did I let myself run this low on diapers?!  I probably expected it to be sunny again today and figured I'd just zoom out, happily donning my sunglasses, sun roof wide open.  I wonder how long A can stretch these last couple diapers?  Or maybe this is a sign that today is potty training day #1?  Forget it.  I'll just run out.
Wish:  One week from this moment I'll know the sex of my New Baby.  Big wishes for a healthy munchkin, obviously.  Also wishing I don't wet my pants before I get there- moms, do you remember having to drink all that water before the ultrasound?  Torture!
Woo-hoo!  This is my 400th post!  For the fun of it, I took a look at Ad Bits' most popular "tags."  Here are the top five, starting with the most common:
1. Commercial (um, good- I guess I'm staying on task at least a little)
2. WWW Wednesday
3. Target
4. Geico ("four your money!")
5. Sister Wives (a surprising twist!  Five must be their lucky number... you know, because there's five of them in their marriage?)
Things start tying up after that.  Honorable mentions go to: "wedding," "swagger wagon," and "snickers."

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Take A Break!

Standing alone, I would describe myself as the gas pedal.  In comparison to my husband?  I'm the brake.  (Unless it comes to dessert.)  Jim saw this commercial a long time before I did and in Seattle when we needed to power walk past somebody or start our day at 5:30am he would explain, "Jewel, some people are the brake and some are the gas pedal" as I shuffled my swollen, pregnant feet just as fast as possible to keep up.  So I hated the commercial a bit until I saw it.  Now?  Love it!  It's so cute it Hertz!

Right now I'm accelerating to the couch for the Dancing With the Stars finale.  What?  I feel like I deserve a little brake!

Monday, May 23, 2011

Vaccums and Vampires

Every now and then my hand itches and when it does I always say, "My hand itches.  I must be coming into some money!"  But I never do.  Or, I didn't until today!  Long lost relatives, hold your ponies, don't hit me up for a loan quite yet.  It's only $296.  Apparently in 2006 we overpaid some insurance or some tax or something and they just let us know the money was going to go to the state treasury if we didn't collect it.  So I collected it.  I mean 296 bucks is 296 bucks!  Every penny of which will be spent on a new vacuum cleaner.  That sucks, right?  Heh heh.

I am determined to knit this summer and I think I found just the inspiration to get those needles moving.  My friend Margi is giving away a Vampire Knits book on her blog.  I shouldn't even be telling you about it because I want to win it, but I'm telling you anyway because I can't help myself and because it's the perfect segue into today's commercial.  Here's the link to her giveaway.  And here's the commercial.  Holla Twilight fans!

Friday, May 20, 2011

The End?

So what do you think guys?  End of the world tomorrow?  Or just another Saturday?  I vote for just another Saturday.  It is FINALLY getting sunny out around here and I have a hard time believing God would give us a little sun we've been just begging for and then end the world.  I'm being facetious of course, but really?  I have a feeling we'll all be back to work or blogging or whatever on Monday morning.  Just in case though, I think I'll not count calories today.  Or do housework.

Speaking of the end of the world, it would have been the end of this spider's world.  You know, if he was real.


And an obvious music video:

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

WWW Wednesday

Whine:  On my way back from vay-cay my curling iron broke.  In two.  Not fixable.  I loved that curling iron.  Every now and then I have a deviant section of hair that doesn't curl with the others and I counted on that iron to curl it back into place.  Until iron is replaced my hair is just straightening amuck.
Wish:  I used the food processor today and now it's sitting in my sink waiting to be washed.  I wish I didn't have to wash it because last time I did that I nearly sliced my finger off.
Woo-hoo!  Dinner tonight was awesome.  Totally worth using the food processor and risking a life of nine fingers.  Are you ready for it?  Banana pancakes with berry sauce.  I got the recipe out of Parenting magazine.  And woo-hoo! for you- I'm sharing the recipe (which, if you eat like my family, really needs to be doubled):

Puree 2 cups fresh or thawed mixed berries with 1/4 cup sugar; set aside.  Whisk together 1 mashed ripe banana, 1 cup milk, 1 Tbsp melted butter, and 1 large egg until smooth, Stir in 1 cup whole-wheat pancake mix until moistened.  Drop silver-dollar spoonfuls of batter onto a preheated lightly buttered griddle.  Cook 2 to 3 minutes per side.  Drizzle berry sauce on top.

Heaven.  It'll make you want to dance:

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Utilikilt Me

Let me just start by saying my sister-in-law opened her mailbox to find it full of ants the other day.  I hate to beat a dead horse by explaining again why I won't get the mail, but let me just refer you to this post or this post.  The ant incident is just one more reason Jim will be getting the mail for the remainder of our marriage.

I may be totally unhip and lame, but I saw something in Seattle I was not familiar with.  Utilikilts.  Have you heard of this fashion phenom?  It's a kilt... but utilitier.  They have a belt, cargo pockets, and look heavier duty if you ask me.  Plus they come in colors and patterns that I think are more timeless and practical than say, your family's tartan.  (That's right, I just said army gray is more timeless than a bajillion year old red and black plaid pattern.)
If you have your druthers you might check out the tuxedo Utilikilt, which in my humble opinion, is a (unfashionable) women's skirt.  Sorry.  But it is.
Are you dying to get a peek at these things?  Here's the official (I think) website: http://www.utilikilts.com/  It's really funny.  I particularly liked the FAQ section.  Also, they have mockumercials on there, which you know I loved!  Here's one:

Monday, May 16, 2011

A Seat-atle Story

A love story:


Jim and I got our seat assignments for our connecting flight to Atlanta and we weren’t next to each other. We were bummed, but it was the shorter of our two flights so it wasn’t the end of the world. In Atlanta we got our seat assignments for our flight to Seattle and again! They were not next to each other. I was so sad! I was hoping to catch up with Jim on the way out, exchange some playful banter, maybe rest my head lovingly on his shoulder. “Well, maybe we could ask somebody to switch once we get on” we agreed.

The flight was very, very full. I sat down in my window seat waaaaay behind Jim and across the aisle and unpacked my book. A guy sat down in my row’s aisle seat. People continued filing in and I continued reading. The next thing I knew the gate was closing. Everyone that was getting on the plane was on and as far as I could see the only empty seat was the one between me and the other guy! I could get Jim back here!

But. It was kind of nice having that extra space. I sprawled a bit. I had both armrests to myself. I could stretch at least one leg out a bit. I decided against telling Jim about the seat next to me. Besides, how fair would that be to the other guy, right?

Fast forward to Wednesday when the guilt got the best of me. I confessed to Jim there had been an empty seat. And here’s the story’s twist. There was an empty seat next to him too! I was delighted at our sameness! We have a reciprocal love for personal space! Are we meant for each other or what?! I won the love lottery with this guy.  Love: it’s even better than hearing the Pina Colada song on the radio. And that’s saying a lot.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Mace in the Hole

I was pepper sprayed last night.   It's not as glamorous as it sounds, it's just bound to happen when you hang with the kind of rowdy people I associate with.  And when I say I was pepper sprayed?  I mean somebody not far from me was pepper sprayed and the table my friends and I were sitting at happened to be in the crossfire.  My girlfriend realized it first and ushered me and another pregnant girl away.  I coughed a few times and that was the worst of it.  For me at least- others at the table were really burning, and I imagine the guy who got pepper sprayed was hurting.  I hope he really deserved it because she also sprayed our cheesecake (that I stupidly left behind when I was ushered away). 

When I recounted all of this to my mom she couldn't believe I returned and ate my cheesecake (that may or may not have been mildly sprayed).  I had to stop and consider that for a moment because it really never occurred to me NOT to eat the cheesecake.  My mom clearly does not remember being pregnant*.

You are probably surprised this post wasn't peppered with puns.  I'm rising above all that.  Let's just spray this doesn't happen again.  Really, spraying that stuff in a restaurant is beyond attacky, don't you think?  But I do take this as a sign that if I have a boy this time, his name should most definitely be Mason.  And for a girl?  Pepper.


*Anyone who knows me knows that is a pitiful excuse; I would have mowed down that cheesecake, pregnancy or no.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

How A Piece of String Made Me Cry

Molly's preschool had a Mother's Day party today.  It was darling.  We were swarmed with munchkins (who are not so excited to see us at home, but at school love us ten times more than usual) eager to present us with hand-printed hot pads and sorbet.  Sorbet!  I was pumped, as I had sent this text to my friend two seconds before walking into the school: "Waiting to go into school for mothers day party.  Ohmygosh!  I hope there is a snack!"

So the sorbet was awesome.  Then they sang some songs about being little miracles, and flowers and sunshine being for everyone, big or small, rich or poor.  I started choking up, but managed to squash the tears by focusing on the kid inviting Molly to dance (oh geez, it's the same kid who brought her a shell from Florida over spring break.  Lord, help me).

But then.  Then!  Those wonderfully sadistic teachers presented us with a portfolio of our child's work, complete with the name tag they got the first day of school, blurbs about what they like to do with their Daddies from the Father's Day Valentine's Day party, and... a string.

A string they used to measure Molly way back in October.  She has grown.  And not just taller.  She colors in the lines better now, she memorizes long(ish) songs and poems, she speaks more eloquently, she shares more happily, she holds her crayon properly, she has even more confidence (!), and she's just... older.  A more mature Molly.  Thank you piece of string, thank you very much.  I will tape you up and remember all the ways in which my girl has grown, even as she puts her shoes on the wrong feet or spills her milk or cries when she falls.  She might be little, but I know it's not for long.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

WWW Wednesday

Whine:  Jim was supposed to bring me a Diet Coke this afternoon and he forgot.  It's one thing when I forget.  It's a totally different (more horrible! more unforgivable!) thing when he forgets.  Especially when it means the difference between serene, productive, Jules and "Why is this house such a freaking mess all the time!?  Am I supposed to clean, do kid care, cook, nap, and create a human life here?!" Jules.  I trust he won't forget again.

Wish:  I wish for my chicken tetrazinni to turn out tonight.  I've never made it before and food is just too precious these days to struggle through a mediocre meal.  The recipe calls for heavy whipping cream and butter though, so I have a hard time believing it will be anything less than finger-licking.  The name "tetrazinni" also makes me wish for a good, old-fashion game of Tetris.  I flippin' rocked that game.

Woo-hoo!  Jim and I leave soon for our Seattle/Vancouver trip!  I'm reluctant to say exactly when we leave because while I know YOU wouldn't break into my house some weird lurker might be after my insanely fresh, freakishly good pineapple or leftover tetrazinni.  So you understand why that information cannot be disclosed.  But it's soon enough that I can give a woo-hoo!

I hope you all have a baseball bat and something (inanimate!) on which to beat away your whines today, friends.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Man Down

When I logged into Blogger this morning I saw I was down one follower.  Who knew Bin Laden was reading Ad Bits!?  Well, I'm happy to be short one reader if it means he's a goner.

So May is starting off with a bang (if you will) and I have to say, the end of April was fantastic too!  The wedding I was in Saturday was perfect.  It rivaled Kate and William's if you ask me!  As an added bonus, I fit into my bridesmaid dress!  It was a photo finish, but that baby zipped in the end!  Here I am with Jim and the girls.  This is one of two family pictures we have taken since Adrienne was born.

Why are both my girls pointing at their right cheeks?  Are they pointing at their dimples?  Pondering something?  It's a mystery!
Here's to a magnificent May, full of woo-hoos my wonderful, peaceful, not-a-terrorist readers.  May your joy be contagious!

Friday, April 29, 2011

More On the Royal Wedding

I did not get up this morning to watch Kate and William's wedding.  But I've been watching it on repeat every single moment since I woke up... I can't get enough of those two royal lovebirds!  I totally want to be Kate Middleton.  Not because she's married to William, no (I'm a bigger fan of Harry anyway), but because who the fajibbities doesn't want to be a princess?!  I'll take my crown minus the paparazzi and scandal and scrutiny though thanks.  And can she ever just bust out her nerdiest dance moves wearing her scuzziest sweats in the kitchen?  Because that's a luxury I can't live without.  It's probably better I'm just little old commoner Jules.

This is an important day.  And you know I love to commemorate important days with stupid puns!  I don't know about you guys, but I was totally throne by how many people showed up for the wedding.  Some of the girls there were queen with envy.  But William's bride got her cake and kate it too!  I hope Harry Englands himself a nice girl; someone who isn't kingdumb.  Now that the wedding is over, I have to say, I will sort of miss the princessant news coverage!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Only the Best WWW Wednesday Ever!

Whine:  I have a big fat mouth!  It's so hard to keep it closed!

Wish:  I wish I could have spilled the beans weeks ago!

Woo-hoo!  I'm having a baby!!  Another little baby!  Lucky number three!  I've been dying to tell you guys, but wasn't sure if this was the kind of thing I wanted to announce to the blogosphere.  But the bottom line is: there is just too much blog material that comes with pregnancy to NOT write about it!  This may also explain why 90% of my posts lately have been food centered (not really, but only because I made a HUGE effort to reign in the food-talk.  Now all bets are off, and you will have to hear regularly about cheese popcorn and the like.)

Also during the DWTS results show last night I saw this great and totally appropriate commercial.  They put popcorn in the microwave oven.  Just like I have a bun in the oven.  But Criss Angel had nothing to do with my situation.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

This Is Not My Diary

I had such a great day today.  For starters I helped out in Molly's classroom.  Remember last time I did that?  You can read about it here.  This time I made extra double super-duper sure I was rested up and ate an enormous breakfast to avoid the extreme hunger that nearly did me in last time.  When I got home my saint of a mother-in-law had lunch (pizza!) ready to come out of the oven.  She also brought a birthday cake for Molly and we celebrated her birthday for the eighteen-hundredth time.

In the afternoon, Jim took Molly outside to play and Adrienne and I napped.  My nap was a full, heavenly hour.  Because even though I got a bajillion hours of sleep last night?  Those preschoolers suck any banked sleep right out of me.  It rocked. 

Stop.

It just occurred to me I'm breaking the #1 rule of blogging: don't treat your blog as your diary.  Sorry.  It's just that it was such a great day.  But I'll cut to the chase.  Molly and I baked these little babies and they only contributed more glory (read: chocolate) to my already rockstar day.

In lieu of a commercial today, here's the recipe, compliments of Taste of Home:

Crescent Bundle Surprises
1 tube (8oz) refrigerated crescent rolls
8 fun-size Snickers candy bars, halved (I know!  You're pumped now, right?)
1/4 cup cream cheese frosting

Separate crescent dough into 8 triangles; cut each in half, forming two triangles.  Place a candy bar half on each triangle.  Fold dough over candy and pinch corners together to seal.  Place on an ungreased baking sheet.

Bake at 375 for 15-18 minutes or until golden.  Remove to a wire rack.  Cut a small hole in the corner of a resealable plastic bag.  Fill bag with frosting; pipe over rolls.  (I skipped that and just smeared some on with a knife- that's just more my style, but whatevs!)

Monday, April 25, 2011

iLaugh at the iRider

Did everyone have a great Easter!?  Ours was fantastic.  The Easter bunny stupidly forgot the basket stuff at home two and a half hours away and didn't realize it until 10:30 Saturday night.  Luckily, Wal-Mart was miraculously open 24 hours in the sparsely populated Northern Michigan town the night before a major holiday, so Easter was saved!

My brain was fried all weekend and it's still fried today.  Happily, I found this ad that really makes all my jokes for me.  I think my favorite part is when she says her sons are "intrigued" by the iRider.  I'm sure they are.  Something tells me the boys' buddies have a habit of stopping by when their mom is squeezing in her workout.  She mentions her sons start to throw the ball a little hard at her.  Lady?  It's because they're trying to knock you off.

If you have this um... tool?  You have to tell me.  So I can tease you mercilessly inquire about its effectiveness.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Between the Sheets

My baby turns four on Sunday.  Four!  She celebrated by puking in my bed last night.  Oh don't worry, my bed is used to it from the previous night when Adrienne puked in my bed.  My bed is Puke Central.  Of course, I mostly feel bad for my poor, sick munchkins, but I also certainly feel bad for me.  And my barfy bed.  Happily, A got it all out of her system and has been a picture of health ever since.  Fingers crossed the same goes for M because who wants to be sick on her birthday/Easter?!

In celebration of my dear girl's birthday, let me just say a couple things:
* Is there anything in the world like your first born baby?  (That is my last semi-sentimental thought because I'm already crying.  Lack of sleep does that to me.)
* Molly was 12 days late to enter the world.  Twelve.  Days.  That's a lot of days when you're a giant walrus.  I tried everything including eating macaroni and cheese with A1 sauce to get her out.  Finally I bribed her: "tell you what, little baby, at some point before you turn four you can hurl in my bed.  You won't be able to do that if you never get out of my Me."
* She was born on a Tuesday and theoretically should be "full of grace."  Grace is her middle name, but that's all the grace my sweet girl has.  "Tuesday's child is full of puke" might be a more appropriate line to the rhyme.
* Her baby book (and A's too for that matter) only goes to age five.  I'm sorry, what?  Baby book people?  Do you HAVE children?  Are they NOT your babies after age five?!  It makes me insane.  I want a baby book that goes to age 65 please.  After that she can keep track of things on her own, but I think 65 is reasonable.

Have a fantastic Easter weekend, friends.  Here's hoping everyone keeps their jelly beans down.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

WWW Wednesday

Whine:  Two words: Cabin.  Fever.  We are gagging for some playground fun, some sidewalk chalk, some jump rope, some bubble blowing.... something OUTSIDE!!!

Wish:  I fervently wish my butt crack wouldn't hang out of these jeans.  Embarrassing.

Woo-hoo!  I'm having dinner with my best girlfriends from high school tonight.  It's been too long since I've seen them.  So many people I know don't keep in touch with friends from high school, but these are some of my favorite people on the planet.  They knew me while I was being molded, you know?  While I was becoming me.  I had low self-esteem in those days (quite a contrast from the conceited Jules you know today!), but I always knew I couldn't be too much of a loser because I had such flippin' awesome friends.  Teen angst bonds people for life, don't you think?  I mean once you go through the drama of mad, unrequited crushes, rotten cheerleading coaches, biz-nitchity, gossipy girls, I have to believe you are bonded for life.  That kind of angst bonds like superglue.  I wouldn't let my butt crack hang out in front of anybody else.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Sunday With the Sisters

I’ve heard of this happening. I’ve read about it; I’m aware of it, and now I’m living it. I’m a little blogged out! I just don’t have much I want to blog about lately. Part of the problem has been that I’ve been crazy busy lately with (dunh dunh duuuunh) no time to watch TV! No TV watching means no commercial watching. No commercial watching means no bloggy inspiration.

So last night I sat down like a dedicated little blogger with my computer, a new episode of Sister Wives and a Dove chocolate bar. This was my favorite ad of the evening:


That William Shatner. I had no idea he was able to speak the clicky language. Is there anything he can’t do?!


On Sister Wives Meri had a colonoscopy- the smartest thing I’ve seen anybody on that show do incidentally. The family also had a dinner for their monogamous friends, (they called it a Friendship Appreciation dinner, and I choked on the cheesiness*) whom they claim didn’t know until recently they are polygamists. Puh-lease. They knew. There’s no WAY they didn’t know. There are things I don’t know about my friends, I’m sure, but I am confident they all have 0-1 husband.

And one other point. I’d rather die than have Jim watch my colonoscopy. If it weren’t for the baby at the end of the process, I would never even let him into labor and delivery.

*If you have Friendship Appreciation dinners, do not be offended. Every single thing the poly family does annoys me. If anybody else had a Friendship Appreciation dinner I would probably think it’s nice. Or at least a nice excuse for some wine.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Goooaaaal!

I want to raise my kids to be goal-oriented.  So today I sat down with Molly and asked her what she would like to accomplish (we have a loose time frame of this summer).  Are you dying to know what kinds of goals an almost four year old has?  This is what we have so far:
  • Enter a hula-hoop contest (I Googled and found one on June 24, but it's open to all ages; if she gets pummelled (sp?) by a 40 year old I'm going to be ticked).
  • Run a race
  • Have a lemonade stand
  • Go to the zoo
  • Visit Molly in GA (a different Molly- my girlfriend who made my girls their tutus.  See this post).
  • Drink pop "when I'm bigger"
  • Learn to play a song on the piano (that one may have been my idea; I thought she was starting to slack with the "drink pop" goal).
  • Tell Santa to please get me Lelli Kellys (do I have that spelling right moms of girls?  I believe they're shoes?)
  • Grow a garden (you may think that was my idea too, but it was NOT!  I'm totally nervous about this one.  Mom, I'll be needing your help here!)
  • Go to friends' birthday parties.
Instead of making me hungry for Arby's, this makes me want cherry pie.  In fact, I'm putting that on MY list of goals: "Make and devour cherry pie."

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

WWW Wednesday

Whine: I'm just now blogging!   And my fridge smells like eggs.  As in 800 (give or take) hard boiled, ready to be dyed Easter eggs!  So I guess if the fridge is going to smell like egg, at least they're gorgeous-to-be Easter eggs.

Wish: I wish I was as cute as Selena Gomez.  She is such a button; I don't blame Justin Bieber for macking* on that.

Woo-hoo! I finally found sugar-free jelly beans!  I was looking all over for them and finally found them at Rite-Aid today!  Weeee!  Also, (in case you were wondering) my dress fitting was a piece of cake today (yum, cake.)  At least the dress fit, so if I can keep it fitting for another 2.5 weeks I'm golden!

And since it's T minus almost Easter, a classic Cadbury commercial:


*Oh geez.  Do people even say "macking" anymore?  If not, that's probably the least of my worries since I just confessed to the blogosphere what a total weenie, teeny-bopper I am.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Glutton For Punishment

I take three kinds of vacations:
  1. Super healthy vacations.  On these vacations I'm hiking all day and being really physical; on these trips, I usually have to eat whatever is available and it's usually healthy.
  2. Semi-healthy vacations.  This is your relaxing beach vacation variety.  Here of course, I'm tempted to drink margaritas all day and eat and eat (especially if we're talking about an all-inclusive!); but I keep myself in check for the most part because I am stuffing myself into a bathing suit daily.
  3. Trips like the one I just took.  Spring in Minnesota means no coat, but still jeans and long sleeves covering my flesh, so I can eat to my heart's desire.  Which I did.  All week.  Including the 13 hours there and back, during which I filled up on dark chocolate M&Ms and Bugles.
All the eating was awesome.  And I was able to justify a few calories at least by the ultra-shopping that took place all day, every day.  But not ALL the calories.  Not by a long shot.  This week I'm paying for my gluttony in three specific ways:
  1. Yesterday I had my first spin class since before Christmas.  Today I am in a world of hurt. 
  2. Tomorrow I have a bridesmaid dress fitting.  You'd think I would have learned my lesson after December's dress debacle.  (you can read about that here).
  3. Thursday I have a doctor's appointment.  And you know those sadistic nurses are going to weigh me.
So there you have it.  My week of constant eating being thrown in my face three times this week.  Not even counting the times I have to grab another pair of jeans because the first pair doesn't fit.  But you know what?  Still totally worth it.

Maybe I'll start living off granola bars.  Then, when you least expect it?  I'll strike like a cobra!

Monday, April 11, 2011

MinneSo Totally Cool

It's good to be home!  We had tons of fun in Minnesota.  Mostly, we ate and shopped.  My girls were great little SITs (shoppers-in-training).  In fact, Molly earned the nickname Mall-y by cheerfully enduring a marathon shopping event at the Mall of America.

Here are a few notes on Minnesota:
  • I used to live there!  I moved there right after college and got my first real job at a mortage company.  I've loved it ever since (Minnesota.  Not the mortgage company).  Don't think I didn't make my mom take my picture by my old apartment complex, because I did.
  • Bob Dylan and +* are from MN.  Rock on!
  • There is no sales tax on clothing in Minnesota.  It's like having a coupon for everything.  Sunglasses are NOT considered clothing; I learned that the hard way when I bought my $8 shades on Day 1 of vacation.
  • I was not on the I-35 bridge when it collapsed several years ago, but I was on it this trip. It seems very sturdy now.


    St. Croix river boat.
  • At the American Girl bistro.
Here is a commercial completely unrelated to Minnesota.  There aren't a ton of redheads in ads, and this one, I have to say, really drags us through the mud.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oz8eDCC2PgQ&feature=player_detailpage

*Prince, that is.  Shockingly, my keyboard doesn't have his funky little symbol so a plus sign will have to do.

Monday, April 4, 2011

MN or Bust!

After thirteen hours in the car (felt like 300) we made it to Minnesota! On our way we saw the World's Largest Soup Kettle.  It's really big.  The rest of the drive was pretty uneventful.  I used to live on a big, tall horse, and did not let my kids watch DVDs in the car.  I was an idiot.  They watched two (Olivia and Veggie Tales) and it was the best thing I ever did.  I'll never go on a road trip without DVD players again.  My big, tall horse will have to find a new owner.

There is NO internet where we are staying.  I barely know what to do with myself.  I hauled myself down here to the public library to give a quick bloggy update, but may not get another chance.  Know when I do return to Ad Bits, I'll be chock full of awesome (or at least mediocre) stories.  Naturally, I'll also be keeping my eyes peeled for good commercials.

Off to rescue my mom from my girls.  This library already hates us.  Doubt I'll be back here this week.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Don't Schwanna Read This Post?

You’ve probably noticed I don’t blog on Thursdays and I’m sure you’re wondering why. (Right?!) It’s because I’m much too busy on Thursdays. Busy with things like plastering my face to my front window in anticipation of the Schwan’s man. For a girl who doesn’t cook much, the Schwan’s man is a very Big Deal. So big that he is joining the ranks of Meijer and Diet Coke. That’s right. I wrote him an ode.


An Ode to My Schwan’s Man

It’s Thursday and I’m panicked.
There’s nothing in the pantry,
There’s nothing in the fridge.
My family wants to eat more than just a smidge.

Like a white knight on his pony
My Schwans man rolls-aroni
Up my drive and to my door
With pricey food choices galore!

I don’t mind, I’ll pay whatever
Driving that truck up my crooked driveway is
No easy endeavor.

He shows up when it’s windy, rainy, or icy
With a new catalog of food so enticey!
I pick and choose all the best thingies:
Lasagna, soup, hot pretzels, or chicken wingies.

He pets my dog , averts his eyes when my kids are nude,
Under his moustache, a smile reflects his good attitude.
Every two weeks, my Schwan’s man will show
And I cram my freezer, wishing it would grow.

So when the kids ask
What’s for dinner tonight?
Instead of making them take another bite
Of PBJs, I can happily say,
“Anything you want! The Schwan’s man came today!”

~~~~~~
Instead of a commercial today, can I just point out what I have to believe is YouTube's idea of an April Fool's Day joke?  This is the logo they have on their site today:
Funny.  But I would have expected something more video-ish from them.  Since, you know, they're a video website.  Cute though.  Cute.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

WWW Wednesday

Whine:  Hooray!  The sun is finally showing its bright, beautiful face these days!  It's still cold, but I can live with that if it means getting a little Vitamin D via sunny rays!  So what's the whine?  I hate to do it for fear Mother Nature reads Ad Bits and will take my sunshine away for all my ungratefulness.  It's just that... well... with all the sun shining into my home, the obscene level of dust in  my home is reeeeeaaalllly noticeable.  Embarrassingly noticeable.  I guess I could just dust, but it may be easier to somehow place mirrors strategically about to create the illusion of a clean home.

Wish:  Oh geez.  I wish the TWO GIANT bowls of ice cream (it was low fat!) I just ate could just not count.  Do you hear me Fat Fairy?  Could you just let that slide?  Thanks.

Woo-hoo!  Dancing With the Stars is back!  I only started watching at the end of last season, so I'm a newbie, but I'm pumped to be watching this season from the get-go.  I haven't picked my faves yet, but I think I've decided on my least favorites.  Wendy Williams for instance?  Is a bit too abrasive for me.  Plus every time she so much as swings a hip I'm worried her giant knockers are going to pop out of her dress.  I mean they're impressive, yes, but they stress me out.  Likewise, Kendra Wilkinson just makes me uncomfortable when she does things like sniff her armpits on live national television.  I can't get behind that.  It didn't break my heart to see Mike Catherwood go (sorry, SPOILER) last night (mostly because I had no idea who he was).  But I was sad to see Lacey Schwimmer leave because I think she's the best female dancer.  So there's my DWTS recap.  Are you watching?  Who are you cheering for?  I'm in the market for a favorite.

I know I JUST did a Starburst commercial yesterday, but really.  They are so funny I think they deserve a two day spread.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Putting Out Fires

Molly told Jim and I she wants to be a firefighter when she grows up.  A noble profession, Jim and I agreed.  Jim pointed out she will be saving people's lives and that's cool.  While I was feeling all proud of my little hero-to-be she clarified, "I only want to get cats out of trees."  Oh.  Ok, still cool- my little animal lover.  "I'll save girl cats only," she added.

Ok, what?  Now you're just being snobby Mols!  Lately she's been all about girl power, which is fine, unless she's dissing boys.  Where would she get that?  Isn't it too early for cooties?  I point out to her regularly that Daddy is a boy, her uncles are all boys, and she has plenty of boy friends she loves playing with.  What's with the sudden cynicism toward the opposite sex?  Moms of girls?  Are you running into this?  Will she outgrow it and learn to like boys again?  I mean, stupid question- of course she will and then I'll curse the day I ever wanted her to like boys, right?  Right?
A firefighter who picks and chooses who and what to rescue.  That's seems so contradictory.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Craniummmm, "rollin' in my 4.0"?

I was up north over the weekend.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you haven't been to northern Michigan, go!  Preferably in the summer or fall, but whenever is fine.  But this is not a post about the majesty of northern Michigan.  This is a post about competition.

Cranium competition.

As in, Team "Me and My Dad" smoked everybody else Friday night. That's right, on occasion we like to nerd it up with a little board game action. Here are a couple pictures:

My dad holding our first place winning little guy.

My brother and sister concentrating on spelling horoscope backwards (alternating letters between them).
My dad and I won thanks to his mad artistic skillz (he can draw a mean wine charm with his eyes closed), and NO thanks to my mad NOTHING skillz.  Truly, he carried me.  The one question I undoubtedly should have known the answer to?  I totally fudged.  It was Ice Ice Baby lyrics for Pete's sake.  That's practically my theme freakin' song and I froze (haha).  I redeemed myself (hardly) by drawing a phone booth.  But really it was just a rectangle that my dad somehow, inherently knew was a phone booth.

Fun times were had by all (but mostly by my dad and I).  In other weekend competition news, my March Madness bracket is keeping my competitive ego in check.  I'm in sixth place of 11, with no hope of getting any more points.  And oh yeah, two of the five people below me are 3 years old.  So. 

Speaking of competition, I love this commercial right now.  This is sort of a wintery, ski lift version of how I landed Jim (by asking my friend/his ex if it was cool for us to go out, knowing full well I didn't care what the answer was).  This was pre-cell phone era so she had no expensive technology of mine to chuck.  Hooray for me!

Friday, March 25, 2011

Flashback Friday!

Flashback Friday!  I'm not around today, so we're going Ad Bits retro.  I forgot about this commercial!  They didn't air it enough- it was so great!
~~~~~~~


Why is this commercial so awesome? Because throwing punches is almost always funny! I particularly love the pregnant lady slugging her husband (that's probably just the first of many until that baby is OUT) and of course the Amish punch. I'm pretty confident hitting of any kind goes against their core Amishnisity (and I think I'm completely entitled to comment on Amish principles because an Amish dude stood up in my wedding), but the beauty of having Amish in your advertisement is that you can portray them however you darn well please and they'll never know! Likewise, you can say whatever you like about them in your blog! (Although that's totally a moot point, since nobody ever has anything bad to say about the Amish, except maybe if you get stuck behind a buggy on your way to buy the darling capris that are on sale today only, or if you ate an entire loaf of their dang irresistible sourdough bread, thus ruining your low-carb diet for the day).

And let's talk about Stevie Wonder for a second. First Aretha Franklin shows up in a Snickers commercial and then Stevie Wonder lands a role in a VW spot? Let's hear it for Motown! It's good to see your faces again My Cherie Amours! Especially in comedic roles- I love that Stevie slugs T. Morgan as if it's a Superstition. It's truly a Wonder he would know the make and color of the car driving by, right? Ugh, those are stretches I know. I'll wrap this up and put you out of your misery. This post is hereby Signed, Sealed, Delivered. I'm Yours, Jules.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

WWW Wednesday

Whine:  We had an ICE storm last night!  An ice storm!  Just when I get used to driving the speed limit and not panicking every time I need to leave the house, we have an ice storm.  I was just mad enough to drive in it anyway (that'll show YOU Mother Nature!)  Know what else?  I'm going out again later!  In your FACE ice storm!  Kick ice!

Wish:  Not to belabour the point, but I'm still sick.  I know, I know, I just squandered my whine on the ice storm.  This is not a whine, just a little wish that the store hadn't been out of the lotiony Kleenex.  The ultra soft are soft enough for say, a mid-grade sneezing fit, but they are NOT up to par for this cold from heck. 

Woo-hoo!  Going out in the ice storm was SO worth it because I went to visit my girlfriend and her kids and she sent me home with homemade cheesecake from heaven above.  Additionally, book club tonight is at Michigan Brewing Company- maybe I can drink myself healthy?  It's worth a try.  And here's my big Woo-hoo.  Jim and I booked a vay-cay!  For just the two of us!  To Seattle and Vancouver!  We've never been, we haven't been on vacation together since the Pre-Molly era, and we are pumped!!!!  Like, four exclamation points pumped!!!!

Once it was booked I danced a happy dance like the guy in this commercial:

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

I forgot who I was yesterday.  I lost myself in a moment of dumb bravery.  I watched Pretty Little Liars.  And not just any Pretty Little Liars.  The season finale.  The scariest episode of the season.  The fearful climax.  Stupid Jules.

I made Jim watch with me and mistook his presence for a free courage pass.  Nightmares ensued the entire night.  Seriously, I dreamed of every possible creepy scenario the PLL writers could go from here.  ABC Family?  Are you reading?  I could write for you guys literally, in my sleep.  From my REM to your storyboards. 

But this happens every now and then.  Every once in a while I fall off my nut and like to play make-believe I'm a brave.  Another recent example is my book selection, The Tale of Halcyon Crane (see sidebar).  Scary freakin' story (for me, mind you.  It could be all marshmallows and bunnies for you).  You'd think after 31 years, I'd know I'm a pansy and not put myself through the ringer like this (haha.  Ringer.  If you saw PLL last night you know somebody else got put through "the ringer" so to speak), but alas!  I still confuse myself with a person who has a spine.

Speaking of confusion, I was terribly confused when this commercial turned out to be for Dodge.  I mean, am I crazy or are those Twix candy bars in the spotlight there at the beginning?  I was all pumped up for a Twix commercial.... I don't get nearly so excited about vehicles.  Unless they come with a free Twix.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Our Germ Factory

We've had the Creeping Crud over here.  Complete with strep throat, ear infections, and all the joy that comes with these, including my personal fave: irrational irritability.  I am sick, which makes me super cranky (I was of the school of thought that moms don't get sick!?) and ill-(ha! sick pun!) equipped to care for my whining (albeit with legit whines) babies.  There were a lot of conversations that started with incomprehensible whining and me yelling, "WHAT?!" and then feeling guilty because they're feverish and pathetic, backpedaling, "What?  What is it sweetheart?  Mommy hold you?  Ok."

Friday I took the girls to the doctor (we're on antibodies now and not contagious so lean closer if you like).  The waiting room does not separate the well-visit kids from riff-raff like us, so the girls were asked to wear masks.  Ha!
Molly: No thanks.  I don't want to wear that.
Me: Yes!  They're funny!  Look how silly Adrienne looks!
Molly: Not putting it on.
Me: Look, you'll look like a little bank robber!  Isn't that fun?! Sick 'em up! (my pun was lost on her)
Molly: shakes head.
(Parents of less sickly kids are glaring at me: "Lady, you better cover up your kid's germy face!"  I glare back, "I'm freakin' trying here!")
Me:  Molly, put this thing on!  You're infecting everybody in here!
Mercifully, the nurse called us in at this point.  Note to self: for quick admission to the doctor, have kids refuse to wear hygiene masks.

In honor of the 8 bajillion tissues we've gone through, a Puffs commercial.  And then, the only characters cuter than the Puffs kids are the Pop Tart kids.


Saturday, March 19, 2011

I'll Meat You There

I love food shaped like stuff.  Pats of butter shaped like shells, pancakes with a Mickey Mouse resemblance, those fancy fruit baskets with the star shaped pineapples, cookie bouquets with stroller shaped sugar cookies, little marshmallow chicks.  And oh!  Chocolate bunnies and eggs.... shoot, I'd eat chocolate if it were shaped like a giant toilet.  You get the point.  I like food shaped like stuff.  With one exception.  Meat.

Is there anything grosser than an image of  raw burger sculpted into anything besides a flat circle?  Here are a few examples:


I mean, in a way these are impressive (to a Degree*), but still.  I'll take my mini Americas in a dark chocolate please.
All this talk about meat reminds me of the Friends episode where Monica made a faux uh... piece for Joey so he would appear uncircumcised for an audition.  And in the commercial below we see meat vests.  What have you guys made out of meat?  Anyone get proposed to with a giant meaty ring?  Or announce a pregnancy with a meat shaped crib?  Add your meatso story here!



*That was a pre-pun.  It wasn't quite funny yet, because you hadn't seen the Degree commercial, but I couldn't resist.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

WWW Wednesday

Whine:  Please, please don't get strep Mols!  She's battling a little cold, but fighting it off like a champ.  Yesterday she came home from school with a note:  "Your child may have been exposed to _______(there's a blank here where the teacher can fill in anything they want- a mouse? a Michael Bolton song? kids who say f-a-r-t*?) Nope.  Strep throat.  Well, it's not lice and I think that's my worse case scenario.  So this is a thankful whine.  Thankful she wasn't exposed to lice; whine that now I've got strep stress.

Wish:  April would hurry up and get here!  I have such a fun April schedule!  Bridal showers, bachelorette parties, weddings, M's b-day (on Easter this year!), a couple mini-trips... not to mention I'll be enjoying all this in warmer weather!  I have an additional wish to dominate my college b-ball bracket this weekend (does it just last the weekend?  I don't even know. I'm a pathetic March Madness fan.)  I have Michigan State winning it all (highly unlikely, but what kind of fan would I be to knock them out in the second round as I was tempted to do?)  I should mention we aren't playing for money.  My loyalty does not expand into the old pocketbook. (that's right, I said "pocketbook")

Woo-hoo!  Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day!  Wear your green, readers, or suffer an e-pinch from this blogging leprechaun! (gross.  I wish I hadn't just called myself a leprechaun).  Another woo-hoo: I'm visiting my parents, which means help with kids, free food, brand name hand soap, darker window treatments (that equals more sleep for me and the kiddos), and fluffier towels.  Luxurious.

I love this ad.  Please start your day with a Guiness tomorrow.  Or, ok, a shamrock shake at the very least.  Promise?  Awesome.


*This is quite possibly my least favorite word in the English language.  As far as I know, my girls have never heard it.  They wouldn't know what it is.  I intend to keep it that way. 

Monday, March 14, 2011

How To Make A House A Home

In a bag of hand-me-down books Molly found a Pound Puppies story.  She loves it and we read it every day.  The other day she asked me if all the puppies in the story live at the pound.  When I explained they do, she agreed with one exception.  "He doesn't live at the pound, he lives at a home" she said pointing to the PP leader.
"Why do you think that?" I wondered out loud.
"Because he has a TV and a chair.  If you have a TV and a chair, it's your home."

I'm happy our house is a home in her book (with our multiple chairs and 1.5 TVs).  It's cute, but I can't mock her because don't we all have ideas about what makes a house a home?  I make an apple pie every time we move into a new house because I don't think a house is home until you've baked an apple pie in it.  What makes your house a home?  No obvious answers please, I know all about the importance of love, laughter, and blah, blah, blah.

P.S.  Who's getting pumped for St. Patty's Day!?!?!?! 

Fun Drop

What an exciting weekend!  You already heard all about my fun Friday night in Detroit; Saturday we had friends from college over (they are trying to talk me into going to my 10 year (?!?!?!?!) class reunion in September, but... I don't know... did you guys attend yours?).  We get together every few months or so and it's so fun.  I am very lucky that my girlfriends married guys who are awesome.  The husbands have (almost) more fun than we do.

The next day came quick (about an hour quicker) than normal and I hauled my hiney to church to teach Sunday School.  I expected lots of people to forget to spring forward, but I don't give my four year old pupils enough credit because we had a full house.  Sunday also included fabulous events such as: grocery shopping by myself, a nap, and learning to French braid (thank you to YouTube and Molly, who was a model model).  Even Jim was happy to see me learning to French braid when I explained what it was and pointed out that any female athlete worth her cleats wears French braids.

The zenith of Sunday of course, came later when the Sister Wives season premier came on!  It's just as polylicious as I remember.  Someone on Twitter pointed out S.W. is on at the same time as Big Love, which I didn't know.  Sunday night must be a great night for polygamy in America!

In hindsight, I'm a little embarrassed I started this post with "What an exciting weekend!"  Maybe "fun" would be a better adjective, but really?  Honestly?  For me, that was an exciting weekend.  And now you know.  Also exciting?  Nikki Woo- The Home Guru emailed me this commercial, which I adore and never would have seen if it weren't for her because we (sadly) don't have Sun Drop in these here parts.  I love so much about this commercial: soundtrack, dance moves, fashion, redheadedness....

Saturday, March 12, 2011

A Journey to Detroit

I spent yesterday evening in downtown Detroit.  I'm in the suburbs of the big D fairly often, but rarely have any need to go downtown.  Here are a few notes on Detroit:

~ It's on the water, a really beautiful location.
~ It has a well-deserved, but awful reputation for its obscene crime rate. (That is, the rate is obscene, but I imagine some of the crimes are too).
~ The architecture is old and gorgeous.
~ Mo-town baby!  Detroit rocks!
~ If you want to be technical, it's my hometown- I lived there the first 8 months of my life!
~ It is not, in fact, the Michigan state capital.  A common misconception.  Probably because it's home to the state's only Ikea.

Jim and I went with some friends to Greektown and enjoyed a dee-lish meal at Pegasus (our goat cheese was on fire!  On purpose!), then we went across the street to oh-my-gosh-I-can't-believe-I-didn't-note-the-name-of-this-amazing-bakery where I got a black and white cookie that I was too full to eat, but managed to push through the stuffness to finish (that's what I call dedication!), then we hopped on the People Mover (no, I did not expose myself for a small-town girl by tipping over when it started moving, nor did I throw up!) and zoomed to the Joe Louis Arena where we caught a crazy exciting Red Wing game!
Here's proof (that we were there, not that it was exciting- you can get a recap of the excitement at espn.com ok?)


So, Detroit has it's problems, but I'm here to tell you it also has its strong points.  You should visit if you ever get the chance.  Swing by Ikea, Costco, and the other stores they have (that we over here in the state's actual capital don't have), enjoy the beauty of its history, architecture, music, athleticism, and diamond in the rough Detroit pride.



And for the fun of it:

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

WWW Wednesday

Whine:  We have some baby trees around our yard.  Like 80 of them.  And we're talking baby baby trees... maybe a foot and a half tall at the most.  I love them (but not as much as Jim does, truthfully- he nurses them with all the love of a new mama).  And the other day some snowmobilers ran a bunch of them over.  They crushed their teeny tiny frames and our spirits.

Wish:  Oops, I wish Molly didn't see her art project in the garbage.  I save the stuff that she's most obviously proud of, but I didn't get that feeling from this particular craft.  Then she saw it and cried as I frantically pulled it out: "Oh!  Oh!  How did this get in there?!  Molly!  I don't know how this got in the garbage! (I lied)  It must have been bunched in with some other stuff!"  She sniffled and I immediately taped it up in a place of honor.  Whew!

Woo-hoo!  Yesterday Molly launched into a heartfelt monologue (or a Mollologue if you will!) about God living in our hearts and loving us even when we make mistakes, etc.  What?!  Maybe she does listen to me (and oh, all right! her Sunday School teachers) every now and then!  I was pumped.  Of course, she was explaining all this to a dinosaur on a box of macaroni and cheese, but still.  I love it when I know I'm being heard! 

I'm feeling inexplicably overwhelmed these days.  Stressing over things I wouldn't normally stress over.  Perhaps I haven't been Binging enough?  Maybe a food fight would relieve some stress?  I'm not above that.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

JuNO Teen Pregnancy Allowed Please!

The other night Juno was on and I can't say for sure, but I kind of feel like it is maybe my favorite movie right now!  I'm sorry Zoolander;  I'm sorry Mystery, Alaska, but I think Juno has you beat! 

SPOILER ALERT!!  Seriously, this is a great movie and you should watch it, so for this one time only, you can not read every word of Ad Bits.
Do I laugh my hiney off at the opening scene between Rainn Wilson's character and Juno when she finds out her "eggo is preggo" and then buys a licorice rope?  Yes, I do.  Do I sob at the end when Bleeker crawls into the hospital bed with Juno?  I do.  I weep.  Does it make me want to barf when I think about my girls being in high school?  Um, big fat YES.  I swear if they every join a band* and request a hamburger phone, I'm sending them to boarding school.

This commercial is super funny.  I would be totally cool with my 'rents moving in because the more adult supervision, the less likely I'm a grandma at 40**.



*Just kidding!  I would love for my girls to be in a band.  Like a light rock or classical one, for instance.  Just kidding again; I fully embrace all music, but if they turn out to be singers (which would be a huge shock) they sure as fajibbities better have clean as a whistle lyrics.
**If you are a 40 year old grandma, no offense at all.  It's just that given my age, and the ages of my kids it would mean a painfully young pregnancy.  I understand that is not always the case with 40 year old grandparents. 

Monday, March 7, 2011

Small Fries

I am not a food sharer.  When we go to a restaurant, I do not want to split my entree and your entree.  Or dessert.  I want to order a complete meal for me and a complete dessert for me.  To be clear, I do not want to eat half of my meal and half of yours, nor do I want to give you a fry.  You should have ordered your own.  I'm willing to pay the consequences too.  I understand that if I screw up and order the salmon* and you order lasagna I am stuck with the salmon even if it comes out all overcooked and with 8,000 bones in it; the lasagna, no doubt will be cheesy and pasta-y and perfect but it's too bad, so sad Jules! 

My kids are no exception to this greedy rule.  I don't want them tasting my food either.  Yesterday after church we went to eat at a restaurant (exciting!  We don't do this often.)  I ordered for myself ("with a side of fries please") and then for the girls.  I try hard to feed my girls healthy food, but every now and then they can have fries, I think that's fair.  So I ordered their meals also with fries (to their grease-loving delight).  The waitress pointed out they could instead get a side of apples or broccoli or carrots.

I simultaneously wanted to kick her shins (for making me feel guilty) and mine (for ordering them fries, which incidentally were NOT healthy sweet potato fries).  The bottom line was if my girls didn't have their own fries, they were going to eat mine.  See Paragraph One of this post.  Unacceptable.  So I repeated the fry order, shrunk further into the booth, and wished it weren't before noon on a Sunday so I could also order a glass of wine to complete my rotten Mommy moment.

I laugh at this commercial, but really?  Do they make these Bo-Peep shockers?  Do you know where I might find one?


*Ew.  This would never happen.  I hate salmon.  And if you know anything about me, I would almost always order the cheesiest, pasta-y dish on the menu.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

A Saturday Shorty

My friend Sara at Motherhood to Hollywood brought this ad campaign to my attention and I think it's hilarious, even if I don't know what it's for.  Take a looky-loo:

I think my fave is the jukebox guy.  If you're having a hard time seeing these pics, click here: http://www.dailydawdle.com/2010/09/10-best-lifes-too-short-for-wrong-job.html

Hope you guys are having a great weekend!

Friday, March 4, 2011

A Big, Burly Mystery

October 6th of 2009 I wrote a post.  A pretty weak post to tell you the truth.  Not some of my best blogging.  But whatevs.  If you like, you can read it here.  Here's what is killing me.  It gets a bajillion hits every. single. day.  I mean, somebody (bodies?) reads that dang post several times a day!  Why?  Why that post?  Is it BCF management rethinking their return policy?  Their lawyers preparing to hit me with a slander suit?  La Leche League forwarding the link to members as I vouch for BCF's supportive nursing bras?  It could be anyone.

If you are the person(s) clicking on that post, first of all, thank you?  I think?  Unless I was right about the slander thing, in which case back off!  I don't have anything you want.  But really, mysterious Burlington Coat Factory post readers: leave me a comment!  I'm dying to know what you like (or dislike) about that particular post!

In other mysterious news, I saw this ad with Whoopi Goldberg stomping for Poise incontinence pads today.  Not sure there's a right way to handle that subject matter, so I give them props for giving it a shot and succeeding?  Maybe?  What do you think? 

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

WWW Wednesday

Whine:  My March license plate sticker hasn't come in yet!  I haven't been pulled over yet, but hello!  I'm not willing to pay a bajillion dollars for an expired-by-two-days sticker.  So it better come today.  If you are an officer of the law in mid-Michigan, please forget you ever read this.  And do NOT be on the lookout for a gray Explorer.  Do not.

Wish:  Molly had a dentist appointment today.  I wish my dentist's office was as awesome as hers.  You can read about her kick-fanny dentist here.  And do a little compare and contrast exercise by reading about my last oral exam here.  I'm just sayin'.  I'd be much more likely to recommend my dentist if there were an aquarium there.  And a choo-choo train.  What?  You think I'm too cool for that?  Never.

Woo-hoo!  My sister is unemployed!  Of course, this is a woo-hoo for me and definitely not her.  She was doing an internship at the Chicago Bulls, but that's over now so here she is!  I'm pumped because I love having her around.  Right now for instance?  She's giving Mols a pedicure and I'm able to blog!  I hope she never finds a job!  Just kidding- she'll need money sooner or later to buy me sweet birthday and Christmas gifts.  You know anyone hiring?  She's smart and cute too if that's important to your workplace.  I'm putting her phone number* on Twitter today so follow me if you want it. (@AdBitsJules)

Woo-hoo for this little pug!  Victory tastes like delicious, cheesy chips! (side note: this guy is basically behaving how I do when I'm trying to get Adrienne (or any baby) to come to me.  Now I feel a little silly.)


*Are you nuts?!  I'm not putting her number on Twitter!  But you should follow me anyway!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

A Tangled Web

Today I had Molly's parent-teacher conference.  They don't seem to think she's ready to enroll in college Doogie Howser-style as I do, but they aren't kicking her out either so that's good news.  Maybe they got wind about her super gluing her face yesterday and deducted points.  (She wasn't super glued TO anything, just general smearage on her sweet little face.)

We also went to the library because I wanted to take out Charlotte's Web to read to M (but did not want to dig through a bajillion dusty boxes to find my old copy.)  Once I had it in my hands though I started to have second thoughts.  There's the whole spider dying thing (uh- spoiler alert), and I'm certainly not going to start picking up live spiders around the house just because they may be one of Charlotte's babies.  Then there's the whole topic of pig slaughtering.  And if I'm unwilling to save spiders' lives, I'm loath to prepare separate vegetarian dishes for my three year old.  I will be preserving her carnivorism as long as possible, thank you very much.

I hope you all had a wonderful Tuesday, in which you did not have to be laughed out of a preschool room for merely suggesting Princeton next year.  Or deprive your child of a literary classic for your own selfish purposes.

OMG!  It's Justin Bieber's birthday today!!!  Eeeeeee!  Anyone out there have the fever?!

Monday, February 28, 2011

The One Where I DON'T Slap My Kid

My daughter tilts her head.  She just does, ok?  She tilts it slightly to the right and we don't know why.  The pediatrician had me make an appointment with a pediatric opthamologist, which is where we spent the morning today.  As soon as the doctor walked in she said, "oh, does she always hold her head like that?"

So they held up a piece of paper with some stick figures on it and she correctly named all of them except the phone (in her defense it was a rotary dial and hello!  She wasn't born in 1920! Where is their picture of the Blackberry?  That she would know.)  Then, they dilated her pupils with eye drops (they had me cradle her!  So I actually loved that part a little bit since I never get to cradle her anymore.)  She was a champ.

The verdict was that her eyesight is great!  So I just have a slightly lopsided baby.  I explained to my girlfriend she'll probably outgrow it.  Like when she goes to school and kids call her "Tilt" or "Heavy Head" or ??? (my name calling skills leave a lot to be desired, I know).

My other option is to slap* the tilt right out of her.


*Horrified readers:  I would never ever slap Adrienne.  I simply could NOT think of a segue to that commercial though!  You understand... right?

Saturday, February 26, 2011

You Say It's Your Birthday?

Monday is my very amazing husband's birthday.  Today being part of his birthday weekend, I let him make me pancakes and then I let him take the girls to his dad's house for a couple hours.  Come to think of it?  This feels a lot like my birthday.  But that's just how my husband rolls.  Awesomely.

Jim was born on the 28th to be clear.  A lot of people ask him if he's a leap year baby and just celebrates his birthday on the 28th.  That is not this case for him, but my friend Suzie is actually a leap year baby.  I feel a little famous for knowing her.  When I learned that tidbit, I wondered aloud if that was her personal fun fact when she had to share something interesting about herself on like the first day of school or whatever. But she is super cool and very interesting and had other (better!) facts to share.  I always longed for such a cool factoid though.  I dreaded that stupid ice-breaker (i.e. degrading power tactic teachers used to break us down) because a) There is nothing particularly interesting or unique about me and b) I was always in a class with people who were triplets, national equestrian champions, kids who could lick their own elbows, or yes, people born on February 29.  I never stood a chance anyway.

Now these guys are golden when it's their turn to share an interesting fact on the first day of school:


As is this dude:

Friday, February 25, 2011

The Grizzly Details

Good news!  YouTube is back in action!  Here's proof:


As far as talking animal commercials go it could be better, but I'll take it.  Not to mention, it comes with a slew of puns that I can't bear to let slide.  Let's paws to list a few:
~ Don't feed the bears.  It's the cLaw.
~ That little bear bear is smart. Fur real.
~ The bears sure did get those people to scatter.
~ Thank you McDonalds, for the Fryday fun.

Now I'm hungry for a bear claw.  Or a shamrock shake.  Or!  A bear claw shake!  Have a wonderful weekend Friends!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

WWW Wednesday

Whine: YouTube is down!  Or something!  Apparently "Internet Explorer cannot display the web page" (has there every been a more annoying error message by the way?  No.  There has not.)  What if I wanted to watch some kittens roughhousing?  Or a skateboarder do an Ollie right onto his rump?  Or embed a McDonald's talking bear commercial?!?!?!  What then, YouTube?  What do you suggest I do?!

Wish:  I wish my county hadn't run out of salt money.  Or plow money.  Actually, I"m just speculating but I'm a really good speculator and I can't think of any other reason my very busy road is still not plowed after Sunday's blizzard.  Ee.  This sounds like another whine doesn't it?  Yes, I guess it sort of is.  Ok, I also wish to always wake up when Molly yells for help in the middle of the night.  Last night I didn't. (I was TIRED ok?)  Luckily Jim was home and came to her rescue, but it has me wondering how many other times she has yelled for me and I haven't heard her.

Woo-hoo!  For the SECOND day in a row Jim has taken Molly out for the afternoon to run errands!  This time I thought they were just running to the corner store but that was two hours ago and they are still gone!  A better wife and mommy (one who wakes when her daughter cries, "help!") would be worried, but I'm just pumped to have some quiet time! (A is napping).  Glorious quiet time.  Except for the dishes, laundry, and dust bunnies calling my name.  But I can drown them out just as I do M in the middle of the night.

Note: Sorry, no commercial today thanks to YouTube. :(
Another note: Do you want to know why M was yelling for me?  She got her hair tangled up in her bedpost.  Yes.  Her hair.  In the bedpost.  Bizarre, I know.  But this is the same girl who trapped herself between her mattress and mattress cover when she was a baby.  And the same girl who screamed for me during nap time when her thumb got stuck in a buttonhole and turned blue.  And the same girl who cried out from her crib a couple years ago because she took her barrette out of her hair and pinched it on the inside of her cheek.  So.  Really this was just another day in the life of M.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

He Shoots! He Scores $0!

Let's talk about things that are six inches long.  A pencil.  A paring knife.  A DVD slot.  A can of Diet Coke.  All roughly six inches, right?  Know what else is six inches?  The hole this guy is shooting a puck into (what?  where did you think I was going with all this 6" talk?):


Our house is a perpetual mess because we loooove aiming at things around here.  I actually moved the diaper bin in the garage back a bit so I could give every diaper a good toss.  It's a pain when I miss, but sweet desperate housewivish victory when I score.  We love to ball up socks and throw them from our living room, upstairs, and into the laundry room (this is a huge challenge, but we feel very blessed the layout of our house allows for such frivolities).  And if somebody drops say... a grape, on the kitchen floor, you better duck because you know it's getting tossed across the room, toward the sink.  In all these things, we miss.  A lot.

My point is, this guy's shot is amazing.  The deal was for him to receive $50,000 from a third-party insurance company (who!?  I don't know!) to donate to charity.  Now the company is saying, they'll just give it to a charity since that's what he was going to do anyway.  But not the St. Vincent Heart Center, which was his charity of choice.  What a gyp!  I feel like I deserve $50,000 when I bank an empty can off my car headlight into a giant recycling bin three feet away so I'm furious for this gentleman.  Furious.  I mean, what the devil?