Tuesday, August 25, 2009

If I Were A Commercial Actress....

Here are some commercials I would not be in for any amount of money:
1. Pepto Bismol. Their upset stomach, diarrhea jingle is both catchy and gross. But the commercials keep getting weirder and weirder. Let me direct your attention to this one as a case in point: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mK9UtYguNI
2. Head-On. Be in our commercial and the whole world will hate you! Thanks but no thanks.
3. Activia. I take issue with most yogurt commercials anyway, but this one gets a little too close to the digestive tract for comfort.
4. KY Yours and Mine. These commercials are funny (and weird- likening sex to a circus trick? Odd. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnmXG_hN6Hc). But I would have to refuse their advances (if you will) on the off chance my Daddy may see it.
5. Smooth Away. Granted, I don't care to be in any infomercial- especially one magnifying my hairiest body parts. Are those actresses paid a lot? It seems there should be an indignity clause in their contracts, securing them a little extra moola.
6. Many pharmaceutical commercials. I hope this goes without saying, but I don't care to be in a herpes or erectile dysfunction ad. I remain unsure how "Smiling Bob" from the Enzyte commercials can face the world every day. Thankfully, they are in huge trouble and owe 2.5 mil for being straight up (pun totally intended) idiots.

On the flip side, here are some commercials I'd love to be in!
1. Cover Girl (or Neutrogena). This would mean I am gorgeous and have flawless skin. Move over Vanessa Hudgens!
2. Skittles. Or Sour Patch Kids. These are funny commercials and maybe I would get free candy?
3. Any commercial in which Johnny Depp is the celebrity spokesperson (for obvious, gorgeous reasons). Of course I have never seen him endorse anything. Except France.

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