Good Work (Ya Dumb Doorknob!)

Last year I made an a-s-s of myself at a FedEx Kinkos. The girl helping me was just lovely and so helpful and we were just chatting away. I was super pregnant at the time and she asked how far apart my girls would be. I said, "well, it will vary. Sometimes just a couple inches, sometimes several miles!" Hee hee! Just kidding.

This is what actually happened. She said something like, "can you imagine having 2 babies within 11 months?" I quickly (and with my best horrified tone) replied, "Ohmygosh, no! You'd have to be flippin' crazy!" She laughed like a hyena and pointed to the other worker, "Her kids are 11 months apart!" I felt sheepish, but come on! I was totally set up!

In any event, here is a funny commercial to commemorate my idiocy:

Meet the Bobbles

On order: Bobblehead Husband and Bobblehead 3 year old .

Never again will I hear, "No, we cannot purchase a private jet OR a private island off the coast of Hawaii". Never again will I hear, "NO! I will NOT stop smearing cheese slices on the freshly washed windows!" Once my bobbleheads arrive, every conversation will be with them.
Me: "Bobblehead Hubby, am I getting more and more beautiful and younger looking with every passing day?"
Bobblehead: (nods yes)
Me: "You're too kind! And Bobblehead Daughter, do you promise to stop dumping my very expensive and very new powder eyeshadow on the bathroom floor? You do!? What a dear!"

My delusional life rocks! I have Pepboys to thank for my new Bobblehead Family obsession. They have a cute new commercial out that isn't on YouTube yet. Allow me to recommend a new and wonderful way to waste time at work though! http://www.pepboysgarage.com/#/store Follow this link to create your personal bobblehead! Here is my Molly Bobble (the eyebrows don't compliment her red eyes much, huh?):

I Used To Be A Poet For Pretend

I don't give enough credit to Old Spice. They've made an Ad Bits appearance here and there, but for a company who comes out with such a kick-fanny commercial as this, I haven't given them their due props. So here it is:

An Ode to Old Spice (actually more of an ode to NPH)

I used to love SpeedStick
Especially the scent with the dark green top
Until I saw the Old Spice centaur*
And my sci-fi lovin' heart went pop.

Then they enlisted Doogie Howser,
the only doctor I'll ever trust
When his show went off the air
I kicked and screamed and cussed.

He's back now of course,
in How I Met Your Mother.
When people speculated he was gay
I used to say, "oh brother!"

But it turns out they were right!
Gay men always seem to smell nice
Which is why I trust him when
he says, "buy Old Spice!"
THE END



*


And if you're craving a little more NPH, please click below for his spectacular Sesame Street appearance. If you think he knows his deodorant, wait till you see his take on shoes!

I Wanna Be Like Stifler's Mom

I hope to be a cougar mom someday. Not one that gives my phone number to my kids' friends, but a cougar nonetheless. Happy Mother's Day Cougars.

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day Mommies! For all the hineys you wipe, cheeses you grill, toys you step on; for all the spit-up in your hair, baby weight you fight to lose, clothes you go without so baby can go to college; for lost sleep when kiddies have croup, hauling purses weighed down with cheerios, tissues, and teething rings; for washing favorite lovies and replacing before bedtime, singing Old MacDonald for entire hour-long car rides, encouraging proper grammar and good manners; for homework help and knowing when to step back; for cheering at games and for countless prayers prayed... thank you Mommies!!!
For Mother's Day I give you a couple tearjerkers:


The obligatory Hallmark tearjerker:
http://www.hallmark.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/article%7C10001%7C10051%7C/HallmarkSite/GoldCrownStores/GCS_COMM

An Udderly Amazing Day

Today I helped a cow give birth. I, who cannot stand to see somebody touch their own eyeball, helped pull a gooey, bloody, darling little bull out of its heifer mommy. It was unreal. Of course, when I say I helped, I mean I pulled for all of 8 seconds before stepping out of the way to let the real farmers do their job. But still. It really was gorgeous.

So, naturally I tried to find an appropriate cow commercial to commemorate my big day on Ad Bits. I did a YouTube search for "milk commercials" and this was my favorite. Even though it's sort of a cop out because it's for milk chocolate. I guess I could've tried to find an ad for bologna (get it? Bull-ogna!?!). Or for chocolate mooooousse. In any event, I think I showed great bravery today; no cowards here. I celebrated Baby Cow's birth by drinking an extra Diet Coke today. What can I say? I need my calffeine. I can see you're in obvious pain from my pathetic puns, but throw me a bone here- this happens like, never. I'd be crazy not to milk it.

Bing On the Cheesy Drama!

There is so much to love about this commercial. Not the least of which is the random (but much appreciated!) use of an eye patch. Why don't more ads feature gentlemen in eye patches? For that matter, why aren't more ads modeled after cheesy Mexican soaps? Let's face it, everything's funnier when there are subtitles involved. Of course these actors are far too talented to appear in actual Mexican soaps. For a more realistic feel we're going to need much worse actors, Bing. I mean, the way this girl snuggles up to hottie on the horse (see second 45) is much too believable. I do, however, appreciate the gust of wind blowing dude's shirt open, the portrait above the mantel, and the slow-mo ride off scene complete with beauty pageant wave and double finger kiss blowing.






Note: Bing, please do not confuse my admiration for this ad with forgiveness for your creepy Shining-esque commercial (see March 4 post for details).