A Stubborn Skirt

I was trying to get Adrienne dressed today- I put her onesie on uneventfully, I put her cute little tights with the bear on the bottom on uneventfully, then it was time to put her skirt on.  It didn't want to go over the bulky tights, so I stood her up and wiggled the skirt.  It didn't budge.  I wiggled harder.  No go.  I yanked upward and she fell downward.  As in face first onto the hard wood floor.

I quickly picked her up and looked at her stunned little face.  "Boom?" I asked hopefully.  She screamed.  She wailed.  I apologized and apologized.  I admitted I was a terrible Mommy and she sniffled in recognition.  My mom (we were at my parents' house, so they actually OWN the horrible hard floors and I think should shoulder some of the blame) ran in to see what was the matter and Adrienne reached for her.  Then I was mad and guilty. 

When all the hullabaloo settled I saw... the blessed skirt was still. not. on. 

This was one accident I wish would have announced itself.  Here are some more:

WWW Wednesday

Whine: This happens to me every year.  The snow melts and I'm happy.  Until I see the winter's worth of dog poop layered up on my front lawn.  I blame the dog for obvious reasons, but I have to kick myself too because every year I swear I'm going to follow the dog out there and pick up after her to avoid this springtime fecal sludge.  But ya know?  It's COLD in the winter.  So I picked up the first uh... load(?) and then not at all.  Now I'm paying for it.  So gross.  Sorry to have such a gross whine today, but it is what it is.

Wish: I wish I would know better by now to check for ingredients before starting a recipe.  I was concocting lime chicken tacos (in the crock pot) earlier when I realized I don't actually have any lime juice.  Or limes.  So I substituted lemon juice, which actually sounds a bit gross.  So my wish is that these things are edible and my kids don't fling their tacos across my kitchen.

Woo-hoo!  It's sunny and warm and cheery out!  I'm being productive (for me anyway)!  I bought a new comforter for my bed!  Consequently, I'm sleeping better!  I am a new member of D.A.R!  I'm going to visit my mommy and daddy tomorrow!  The next couple of weeks are packed with fun things and catch-up dates with wonderful friends! Wooooo-hoooooo!

Just when I think talking animal commercials can't get any better, Radio Shack throws in an English accent!  Cheers!

It's A What!?

The other day I logged into Facebook to see this video posted on my wall (thank you Jamer-Looney!):


So let's be clear on this.  You can play with the Swing Wing at the zoo, perfecting your parallel bar routine, eating a banana (second 34), rowing a boat, or when you're stuck in quicksand (second 42).  Is that right?  I don't understand why we don't see more of these.  They are quite the all-purpose toy, no?

Here's what Wikipedia had to say about it: "The Swing Wing is a toy, similar to the Hula Hoop, worn on the head and twirled by moving the neck and/or body in a back and forth motion. It was developed by Transogram Games and introduced in 1965... It has been speculated that the toy was recalled due to injury suffered in the necks of children caused by the continual jerking motions required to use the toy." 

If you or someone you know has a Swing Wing, I will pay you 8 bajillion Ad Bits dollars for a video of it.  I wouldn't lie.

Is the Swing Wing song caught in your head now?  It is?  I'm sorry.  Here, cleanse your ear pallet with a little Willow Smith, who no doubt, would have owned a Swing Wing if she was around in the '60s.

Shackin' Up

Happy Valentine's Day!  Are your kids all atwitter with Vday excitement?  Shoot, are YOU all atwitter?  Jim and I never do much- we're minimalists to the max when it comes to this particular day.  Some wives might get upset, but I try not to take it to heart.  Really the only "tines" Jim is interested in are the ones on deer.  Which is fine with me, especially now that I have Cukids (that was terrible.  It was supposed to be a play on Cupid?  I apologize) to celebrate with.

Speaking of my little cherubs, here they are celebrating in tutus my girlfriend made them:

Mols practices her semi-nude pirouette.

The girlies.  For Vday I told them they could wear headbands instead of having their hair done.  I'm generous, I know.


When you were in elementary school was there ever a time when the big news was that you could mouth the words, "Olive you" to somebody and it would look just like, "I love you"??  Shocking news to a sixth grader.  This way you could confess your love to your crush, but later when he or she asked about it you could deny deny deny!  "I would never say such a thing!  You completely misunderstood!  I was mouthing 'olive you'.  As if!  I mean, don't flatter yourself!"  And then you and your girlfriends could sprint to the bathroom to reapply your Bonnie Bell lip smacker and shriek in delighted angst.

Anyway, have a Happy Valentine's Day dear friends.  Olive you forever. 


Also, for the fun of it, one of my all-time favorite love songs.  It just speaks to me.

Garlick Your Phone

The other day (Wednesday?) somebody Tweeted, "can we stop talking about the Super Bowl ads already?!"  Of course, I was saddened since, you know... my whole bloglihood is dependent on commercials.  I hope everyone isn't sick of Super Bowl ads yet, because I'm about to hit you with another one of my favorites:

It reminds me of the time I threw my phone away in the Burger King garbage and it smelled like ketchup until I dropped it in the dog's water dish.

I hope you guys are having a tasty weekend and are not sick of Super Bowl commercials or any others.  Advertisements On!

Dirty Bits

Prologue:  Molly normally loves taking baths, but last night she had a little cut on one of her toes and refused to get in the tub.  She insisted it would hurt, while I assured her it would not (the cut was seriously microscopic).  Here is how things transpired:

Molly: I don't want to take a bath!
Me: Come on.  You have to.
Molly: Why?
Me:  Otherwise you'll keep getting dirtier and dirtier and you'll start to smell and people will make fun of you. (is this a good lesson I wonder?  I feel like it's not....)
Molly stares at me for more information.
Me:  And bugs will start to live on you and we'd have to take you to the doctor.
Molly: No, Daddy could just kill the bugs. (she know who the bug killer is around here!)
Me:  He could try, but there would be too many of them (?!!?) and they would bite you all over.  And we'd have to take you to the doctor. (nothing like harvesting a healthy fear of the doctor, right?!)
Molly: So, the doctor would get rid of the bugs.
Me:  Yes, but then she would see that I don't give you baths and would have to call Child Protective Services and they would take you away from me.  And you'd have to live with another family.  And I would cry every day.
Molly: (tears off her clothes and runs upstairs to the bathroom) I don't want to live with another family! 
Me to an incredulous Jim:  Awwww!  She likes it here!
End scene.

And that's how we do it in this household!  Of course now I'll no doubt have an even bigger battle to fight the next time she has a doctor's appointment.  Whatevs.  I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Here's another close call that was stealthily covered up:

WWW Wednesday

Whine: I don't know that this is a whine per say, but I am enjoying quite the druggy cocktail.  Remember my dentist appointment last week?  Well things got infected up in my grill, so I'm on an antibiotic for that as well as some Hercules-strong painkillers.  Throw in some cold medicine, and I'm like Paula Abdul over here.  But without all the money or misfortune of knowing Simon Cowell.  I feel great though. I may have lost an extremity cutting apples for lunch, but I'll deal with that later.  I guess I don't really have a whine today!  Life is loopalicious!

Wish:  My spin instructor would not have abandoned me.  She changed her class to a time in which I can't make it (on purpose? could my heavy breathing and excessive sweating have put her off?).  The chick who is teaching her old slot I don't care for.  She has us do weird push-up things on the bike (what?! If I wanted to do push-ups I'd join the Army, thanks) and at the end of each class has us get mats out and do our abs.  Look lady, let's just stick to the class description and spin, ok?  How flippin' in shape are you trying to get me anyway?

Woo-hoo!  We're going to our friends' house tonight to meet their new baby.  New baaaaay-beeeee!  I am going to hold it and love it and cuddle the crud out of it.  Picture puffs of pink (it's a girl) baby powder floating in heart shape clouds around her head with every hug.  That's how I picture it at least.  Of course I could be hallucinating.  Huh.  I hope she's not one of those cry-y babies.

I love the new Florida orange juice campaign because the people featured are truly embracing their whines.