Quickstep On By

In the last few weeks I've fallen hook, line, and swinger for Dancing With The Stars.  I think I've made a huge mistake the last 11 years in NOT watching this glorious dance-off!  Too bad for you guys, of course because now you have to hear about it every week.  But I find it's really satisfying the hole The Biggest Loser left in my reality show viewing lineup.  Does it leave me hungry for salsa?  Yes.  But it's still worth it.

SO, I am happy with all in the final four, but I think I'm cheering for Kyle Massey.  Which reminds me of an embarrassing thing that happened to me yesterday.  I was chatting with a mom at Molly's soccer practice and the conversation turned to DWTS.  She didn't know who Kyle Massey was.  When a physical description didn't help her, I was forced to rattle off his resume. 

Me: He's a Disney star.  He was on That's So Raven, then had his own show on Disney for a while called Cory in the House that didn't do so great.  It was about him living in the White House because his dad was a chef for the President.  Now he's the voice of Milo on the new animated series, Fish Hooks.
Soccer Mom (in a pleasant, but horrified kind of tone): Ok.  I won't tell anyone you just said that.
Me (dying inside): Thanks.

Now I know and you guys may know I frequent channels 290, 291, and 292 (Disney East Coast, West Coast, and Disney XD), but I imagine it can come as quite a shock to hear a fully grown woman spew out tween trivia the way I can.  Luckily it wasn't Selena Gomez or Hilary Duff on DWTS or else I'd still be spewing all over this "interested in age-appropriate things" soccer mom. 

Embarrassing, right?  Judge me if you must, but not before I hit you with some puns.  First let me just say what fox(trots) those pro dancers are, right?  Mambo mia!  The judges are fun, although sometimes they seem to have chips (and salsa) on their shoulders.  I was sad to see Florence Henderson go, but she seemed to have hit a wall(tz).  Tonight I plan to swing by my living room couch to tune in.  Maybe I'll enjoy a nice rumba and Coke too.  Ahhh... it's good to be ajive.  I'll stop now.  It's time for me to (tan)go anyway.  Cha cha for now!

Color Me Crazy

Reason #bajillion33 why I love Molly: she thinks I'm a straight-up culinary genius for feeding her such exquisite meals as scrambled eggs and applesauce.  "Mommy, you make great meals every night!" she exclaimed (the previous night I had picked up a rotisserie chicken).  God knew what he was doing giving me a girl who has a less than sophisticated palate.  I believe tonight our four star meal will consist of waffles and apples.  What's up now Julia Child?

Reason #bajillion33 why I love Adrienne: she has a temper!  I know this won't always be cute, but when she chucks her bottle clear across the room when I try to wipe her nose I can't help but crack up! (how infuriating for her, right?)  Or when she's mad about taking a nap and shoves my face away when I move in for a kiss?  I actually sort of love it.  She's so laid back and sweet normally, if it weren't for these little tantrums I'd worry people would walk all over her.  But nope- anyone who tries any funny business with this munchkin will suffer the wrath!  Love it!

Of course, now that A is getting older, my girls have morphed from indifferent roommates to partner in crime playmates.  This is what I want, it is.  Sort of.  In related news, tomorrow I'm off to buy a Magic Eraser to work on getting crayon off the door, pen off the stairwell, and eyeliner off the wall (it's surprising difficult to remove!)  If you guys have any tips for kiddie art removal please clue me in!  I've tried the obvious: soap and water, Goo Gone, miscellaneous chemicals...  I've heard good things about Magic Eraser though- you?



Edit: I actually wrote the above yesterday.  Today I bought a Meijer brand "Erasing Sponge" (Magic Erasers were out of stock- good sign!) and I've been scrubbing ever since.  We have a glorious invention on our hands!  I'm completely in love and am going to write Mr. Clean encouraging them to bring to market a Magic Toothbrush so I can get hard water stains out of my grout.  Am I on to something or what?!

Imma Champ!

I'm champion of the world today!!  Or, champion of Visaville at least.  I put a good size dent in my Christmas shopping today, but was methodical and smart about all my purchases!  I even managed to get myself a couple items without spending a cent.  Thanks to some gift cards from last Christmas.  Champion!

In other exciting news, Jim and I are going out tonight for dinner and drinks with a couple friends, almost like we're real people with real social lives!  Wild!

Is P-Diddy still hip and cool?  Or tiiiiiight as the kids say (or used to say?)  In any event, here is a commercial featuring the rad Mr. Combs.  Cirock and roll baby!


Objection!  The explosive fist pound IS smooth!  It IS! 

Jules' Laws... Repeat

Here's a Friday Flashback friends.  It won't look familiar to you because it was originally written before anyone actually read my blog.  So happy you're here now!

Jules' Laws
My brother has long held the position that taking saunas should be a men-only experience (no, he's straight). Unfortunately for him I love me a sweatin' good time (Richard Simmons, eat your heart out!) In fact, it was in the sauna that my dad reminded me of the "Man Law" commercials by Miller Lite. How could I forget such awesomity! Such funnariness! Such brilliantary use of celebrities! Not to mention Miller makes good points. See below for my favorites.

Yeah, we don't know where those fingers have been.


Boys, I'd like to introduce you to the fist-pound.


I'd clink bottoms with you any day Mr. Reynolds.  Burt if you're nasty.

WWW Wednesday

Update: Last week I introduced the theory that perhaps WWW Wednesdays were somehow magical because after I whined about something, the problem solved itself!  If you remember, I tested my theory last week by mentioning a private jet and less painfully dry skin.  I'm sorry to report, I remain jetless and dry.  Those are pretty big ticket items though, so I'm giving the bloggy powers that be some more time.

Whine: I need more hours. Particularly around this time of year.  I know I'm not the only one.  Can I get a "holla"?!  Today I started my Naughty and Nice lists, (I was hoping to save a few bucks this year, but everybody has been pretty stinkin' nice) itemizing gift ideas for each person.  It quickly became clear I should have started this list in March because there are several handmade gifts I want to make.  I calculated my time between now and Christmas and if I cut back about 3 hours/night on sleep, forgo eating, and hire a full-time nanny to watch the kids and give Jim some attention I'm still coming up short.  What's that?  Cut out Internet surfing?  Surely you jest!

Wish: My girls stay friends with the very friends they have now.  And make new ones of course, but I just love their sweet little friendships right now.  Plus, Molly is three.  Which is the age I was when I made two of my very dearest friends in the world.  I love making new friends, but there is a lot to be said for a friend who watched you through every embarrassing hair style, fashion disaster, and heartbreak; a friend who pushes you on the swings and later stands in your wedding, with whom you share precious Halloween candy and later, maternity clothes.  You know, the friend who loves your parents and siblings as her own and then is great friends with your husband and adores your kids as her own.  I hope you all have these buddies and I wish wish wish my girls to have them too. 
Note: now I'm crying for the second time today.  The first was when I was reading Knuffle Bunny Free to Molly.  Have mercy!  There should be a sob disclaimer on page one of that story!

Woo-hoo!  Today I made this dip that I'm obsessssed with!  I'll put the recipe up on "Bits I Make".  That's right- I woo-hoo on a regular basis about food and today it's a doozie.  I got the recipe from Deceptively Delicious (but I leave out the pureed carrots because I'd hate to be too healthy, right?) and I am going to eat it with lime tortilla chips for every meal until it's gone.  Love it.  But if you're looking for a more substantial woo-hoo, my sister is coming to visit tomorrow and staying until Sunday!  I don't get enough of that girl, so I'm super pumped.  And she doesn't usually hack into my Facebook account or hide creepy dolls in my pantry (see here) so that's cool too.  Woo-hoo within the woo-hoo: she's babysitting Saturday night so J and I can hit the town like the cool hipsters we are! (heehee)

Remind me to never have a whiny Wednesday with this guy (whose use of the word "jackwagon" made my whole year- I'll be repeating often.  Consider yourself warned.)

This Is Nuts!

I know it's WWW Wednesday and I promise to get to that later, but this couldn't wait!  Huge news!  Mr. Peanut speaks!  Check it out:



Incidentally my favorite Planters commercial does not even feature Mr. Peanut, but this hottie boomalottie instead:

Cow Belle!

I milked a cow today!  Those of you gazing out your front window at your very own dairy cows probably aren't impressed, but it was a big deal for a city girl like me.  Not as big a deal of course, as the time I helped deliver a calf (read about that experience here), but I was pretty pumped (much like the cow's udder!)  I don't want to brag, but I got milk out on the first try.  And I think the cow liked me.  That is, she didn't kick me in the head.

Here's Mols meeting a baby cow a while back:

If you don't have a friend with a dairy farm I highly recommend you get one- farms are just fascinating and... farmy.  Many times when we visit my friends' farm I put my girls in overalls because I just feel like I should.  Thanks to them, A's first animal noise was a cow, closely followed by a barn cat (which sounds strikingly similar to a non-barn cat!).  Visits to the farm also make me feel all rugged (for me that is).  Case in point, we took our kiddos for a walk down the road (yes, it was dirt) and Molly had to go potty.  Usually her spontaneous bladder is not a problem- we simply pull into a gas station or Taco Bell.  Today when she announced she had to go I think my exact words were, "Molly!  You've got to be kidding me!"  There was no where to go.  Except for the acres and acres of nature.  My friend pointed out she could just go right where we were, so she did.  Clumsily, yes, but she didn't saturate her clothes, which was all I really cared about.  And bonus!  I had tissues in my pocket!  Resourceful me! 

I'll spare you guys all my farmy puns.  Ha!  Did you fall for that?  It's a bunch of bull.  You've got to know I could never steer clear of cow puns!  Besides, I herd most people appreciate a good cow joke.  Ok!  I'll stop before you hoof on out of here without watching this fly commercial.  (Get it?  Fly?  Because cows attract flies?  No?  Alright, fair enough).  Seriously though, I'm in love with this commercial wholeheartedly.  Not just calfheartedly.