Good Carma

I'm hitting the open (except for 8 bajillion pounds of Memorial Day traffic) road this weekend!  Heading up north for some Memorializing Days.  Going rustic.  Getting my hick on.  Much like this happy couple:
 

Reasons I love this ad:
1.  I love this song and it reminds me of Juno, one of my all-time fave movies.
2.  The fox reminds me of my dog, Allie (a Sheltie- all Shelties look a little foxy I think.)
3.  He takes her shoe shopping?  Hot.  Guys?  You should ALL take your ladies shoe shopping on your first date.  Then later, if animals pop out of your facial hair?  It will be enduring rather than date-ending.
4.  Who doesn't love baby birds?  I'm reminded of The Twits by Roald Dahl.  Mr. Twit always had stuff stuck in his beard and incidentally his favorite meal was bird pie.  He was despicable.  But he never took his wife shoe shopping either.
5.  I'm so happy car companies are moving forward (pun intended) in the advertising department.  Remember how lame they all used to be?  It was car after car driving down a curvy road, usually on a mountain.  Nobody in Michigan can relate to that!  But bagging a river trout?  That's an idea we can get behind (without a doubt!)
6.  I think their next commercial should be a Beach Boys remix of "Help Me Rhonda," but instead sing, "Help me Honda."
7.  My numerical list is getting out of hand.  Let's just give the Hybrid a Hyfive and be done.
8.  Happy Memorial Day!  I hope your long weekend is full of minimal traffic, maximum relaxation, and awesome commercials.

WWW Wednesday

Whine:  How did I let myself run this low on diapers?!  I probably expected it to be sunny again today and figured I'd just zoom out, happily donning my sunglasses, sun roof wide open.  I wonder how long A can stretch these last couple diapers?  Or maybe this is a sign that today is potty training day #1?  Forget it.  I'll just run out.
Wish:  One week from this moment I'll know the sex of my New Baby.  Big wishes for a healthy munchkin, obviously.  Also wishing I don't wet my pants before I get there- moms, do you remember having to drink all that water before the ultrasound?  Torture!
Woo-hoo!  This is my 400th post!  For the fun of it, I took a look at Ad Bits' most popular "tags."  Here are the top five, starting with the most common:
1. Commercial (um, good- I guess I'm staying on task at least a little)
2. WWW Wednesday
3. Target
4. Geico ("four your money!")
5. Sister Wives (a surprising twist!  Five must be their lucky number... you know, because there's five of them in their marriage?)
Things start tying up after that.  Honorable mentions go to: "wedding," "swagger wagon," and "snickers."

Take A Break!

Standing alone, I would describe myself as the gas pedal.  In comparison to my husband?  I'm the brake.  (Unless it comes to dessert.)  Jim saw this commercial a long time before I did and in Seattle when we needed to power walk past somebody or start our day at 5:30am he would explain, "Jewel, some people are the brake and some are the gas pedal" as I shuffled my swollen, pregnant feet just as fast as possible to keep up.  So I hated the commercial a bit until I saw it.  Now?  Love it!  It's so cute it Hertz!

Right now I'm accelerating to the couch for the Dancing With the Stars finale.  What?  I feel like I deserve a little brake!

Vaccums and Vampires

Every now and then my hand itches and when it does I always say, "My hand itches.  I must be coming into some money!"  But I never do.  Or, I didn't until today!  Long lost relatives, hold your ponies, don't hit me up for a loan quite yet.  It's only $296.  Apparently in 2006 we overpaid some insurance or some tax or something and they just let us know the money was going to go to the state treasury if we didn't collect it.  So I collected it.  I mean 296 bucks is 296 bucks!  Every penny of which will be spent on a new vacuum cleaner.  That sucks, right?  Heh heh.

I am determined to knit this summer and I think I found just the inspiration to get those needles moving.  My friend Margi is giving away a Vampire Knits book on her blog.  I shouldn't even be telling you about it because I want to win it, but I'm telling you anyway because I can't help myself and because it's the perfect segue into today's commercial.  Here's the link to her giveaway.  And here's the commercial.  Holla Twilight fans!

The End?

So what do you think guys?  End of the world tomorrow?  Or just another Saturday?  I vote for just another Saturday.  It is FINALLY getting sunny out around here and I have a hard time believing God would give us a little sun we've been just begging for and then end the world.  I'm being facetious of course, but really?  I have a feeling we'll all be back to work or blogging or whatever on Monday morning.  Just in case though, I think I'll not count calories today.  Or do housework.

Speaking of the end of the world, it would have been the end of this spider's world.  You know, if he was real.


And an obvious music video:

WWW Wednesday

Whine:  On my way back from vay-cay my curling iron broke.  In two.  Not fixable.  I loved that curling iron.  Every now and then I have a deviant section of hair that doesn't curl with the others and I counted on that iron to curl it back into place.  Until iron is replaced my hair is just straightening amuck.
Wish:  I used the food processor today and now it's sitting in my sink waiting to be washed.  I wish I didn't have to wash it because last time I did that I nearly sliced my finger off.
Woo-hoo!  Dinner tonight was awesome.  Totally worth using the food processor and risking a life of nine fingers.  Are you ready for it?  Banana pancakes with berry sauce.  I got the recipe out of Parenting magazine.  And woo-hoo! for you- I'm sharing the recipe (which, if you eat like my family, really needs to be doubled):

Puree 2 cups fresh or thawed mixed berries with 1/4 cup sugar; set aside.  Whisk together 1 mashed ripe banana, 1 cup milk, 1 Tbsp melted butter, and 1 large egg until smooth, Stir in 1 cup whole-wheat pancake mix until moistened.  Drop silver-dollar spoonfuls of batter onto a preheated lightly buttered griddle.  Cook 2 to 3 minutes per side.  Drizzle berry sauce on top.

Heaven.  It'll make you want to dance:

Utilikilt Me

Let me just start by saying my sister-in-law opened her mailbox to find it full of ants the other day.  I hate to beat a dead horse by explaining again why I won't get the mail, but let me just refer you to this post or this post.  The ant incident is just one more reason Jim will be getting the mail for the remainder of our marriage.

I may be totally unhip and lame, but I saw something in Seattle I was not familiar with.  Utilikilts.  Have you heard of this fashion phenom?  It's a kilt... but utilitier.  They have a belt, cargo pockets, and look heavier duty if you ask me.  Plus they come in colors and patterns that I think are more timeless and practical than say, your family's tartan.  (That's right, I just said army gray is more timeless than a bajillion year old red and black plaid pattern.)
If you have your druthers you might check out the tuxedo Utilikilt, which in my humble opinion, is a (unfashionable) women's skirt.  Sorry.  But it is.
Are you dying to get a peek at these things?  Here's the official (I think) website: http://www.utilikilts.com/  It's really funny.  I particularly liked the FAQ section.  Also, they have mockumercials on there, which you know I loved!  Here's one:

A Seat-atle Story

A love story:


Jim and I got our seat assignments for our connecting flight to Atlanta and we weren’t next to each other. We were bummed, but it was the shorter of our two flights so it wasn’t the end of the world. In Atlanta we got our seat assignments for our flight to Seattle and again! They were not next to each other. I was so sad! I was hoping to catch up with Jim on the way out, exchange some playful banter, maybe rest my head lovingly on his shoulder. “Well, maybe we could ask somebody to switch once we get on” we agreed.

The flight was very, very full. I sat down in my window seat waaaaay behind Jim and across the aisle and unpacked my book. A guy sat down in my row’s aisle seat. People continued filing in and I continued reading. The next thing I knew the gate was closing. Everyone that was getting on the plane was on and as far as I could see the only empty seat was the one between me and the other guy! I could get Jim back here!

But. It was kind of nice having that extra space. I sprawled a bit. I had both armrests to myself. I could stretch at least one leg out a bit. I decided against telling Jim about the seat next to me. Besides, how fair would that be to the other guy, right?

Fast forward to Wednesday when the guilt got the best of me. I confessed to Jim there had been an empty seat. And here’s the story’s twist. There was an empty seat next to him too! I was delighted at our sameness! We have a reciprocal love for personal space! Are we meant for each other or what?! I won the love lottery with this guy.  Love: it’s even better than hearing the Pina Colada song on the radio. And that’s saying a lot.

Mace in the Hole

I was pepper sprayed last night.   It's not as glamorous as it sounds, it's just bound to happen when you hang with the kind of rowdy people I associate with.  And when I say I was pepper sprayed?  I mean somebody not far from me was pepper sprayed and the table my friends and I were sitting at happened to be in the crossfire.  My girlfriend realized it first and ushered me and another pregnant girl away.  I coughed a few times and that was the worst of it.  For me at least- others at the table were really burning, and I imagine the guy who got pepper sprayed was hurting.  I hope he really deserved it because she also sprayed our cheesecake (that I stupidly left behind when I was ushered away). 

When I recounted all of this to my mom she couldn't believe I returned and ate my cheesecake (that may or may not have been mildly sprayed).  I had to stop and consider that for a moment because it really never occurred to me NOT to eat the cheesecake.  My mom clearly does not remember being pregnant*.

You are probably surprised this post wasn't peppered with puns.  I'm rising above all that.  Let's just spray this doesn't happen again.  Really, spraying that stuff in a restaurant is beyond attacky, don't you think?  But I do take this as a sign that if I have a boy this time, his name should most definitely be Mason.  And for a girl?  Pepper.


*Anyone who knows me knows that is a pitiful excuse; I would have mowed down that cheesecake, pregnancy or no.

How A Piece of String Made Me Cry

Molly's preschool had a Mother's Day party today.  It was darling.  We were swarmed with munchkins (who are not so excited to see us at home, but at school love us ten times more than usual) eager to present us with hand-printed hot pads and sorbet.  Sorbet!  I was pumped, as I had sent this text to my friend two seconds before walking into the school: "Waiting to go into school for mothers day party.  Ohmygosh!  I hope there is a snack!"

So the sorbet was awesome.  Then they sang some songs about being little miracles, and flowers and sunshine being for everyone, big or small, rich or poor.  I started choking up, but managed to squash the tears by focusing on the kid inviting Molly to dance (oh geez, it's the same kid who brought her a shell from Florida over spring break.  Lord, help me).

But then.  Then!  Those wonderfully sadistic teachers presented us with a portfolio of our child's work, complete with the name tag they got the first day of school, blurbs about what they like to do with their Daddies from the Father's Day Valentine's Day party, and... a string.

A string they used to measure Molly way back in October.  She has grown.  And not just taller.  She colors in the lines better now, she memorizes long(ish) songs and poems, she speaks more eloquently, she shares more happily, she holds her crayon properly, she has even more confidence (!), and she's just... older.  A more mature Molly.  Thank you piece of string, thank you very much.  I will tape you up and remember all the ways in which my girl has grown, even as she puts her shoes on the wrong feet or spills her milk or cries when she falls.  She might be little, but I know it's not for long.

WWW Wednesday

Whine:  Jim was supposed to bring me a Diet Coke this afternoon and he forgot.  It's one thing when I forget.  It's a totally different (more horrible! more unforgivable!) thing when he forgets.  Especially when it means the difference between serene, productive, Jules and "Why is this house such a freaking mess all the time!?  Am I supposed to clean, do kid care, cook, nap, and create a human life here?!" Jules.  I trust he won't forget again.

Wish:  I wish for my chicken tetrazinni to turn out tonight.  I've never made it before and food is just too precious these days to struggle through a mediocre meal.  The recipe calls for heavy whipping cream and butter though, so I have a hard time believing it will be anything less than finger-licking.  The name "tetrazinni" also makes me wish for a good, old-fashion game of Tetris.  I flippin' rocked that game.

Woo-hoo!  Jim and I leave soon for our Seattle/Vancouver trip!  I'm reluctant to say exactly when we leave because while I know YOU wouldn't break into my house some weird lurker might be after my insanely fresh, freakishly good pineapple or leftover tetrazinni.  So you understand why that information cannot be disclosed.  But it's soon enough that I can give a woo-hoo!

I hope you all have a baseball bat and something (inanimate!) on which to beat away your whines today, friends.

Man Down

When I logged into Blogger this morning I saw I was down one follower.  Who knew Bin Laden was reading Ad Bits!?  Well, I'm happy to be short one reader if it means he's a goner.

So May is starting off with a bang (if you will) and I have to say, the end of April was fantastic too!  The wedding I was in Saturday was perfect.  It rivaled Kate and William's if you ask me!  As an added bonus, I fit into my bridesmaid dress!  It was a photo finish, but that baby zipped in the end!  Here I am with Jim and the girls.  This is one of two family pictures we have taken since Adrienne was born.

Why are both my girls pointing at their right cheeks?  Are they pointing at their dimples?  Pondering something?  It's a mystery!

Here's to a magnificent May, full of woo-hoos my wonderful, peaceful, not-a-terrorist readers.  May your joy be contagious!

More On the Royal Wedding

I did not get up this morning to watch Kate and William's wedding.  But I've been watching it on repeat every single moment since I woke up... I can't get enough of those two royal lovebirds!  I totally want to be Kate Middleton.  Not because she's married to William, no (I'm a bigger fan of Harry anyway), but because who the fajibbities doesn't want to be a princess?!  I'll take my crown minus the paparazzi and scandal and scrutiny though thanks.  And can she ever just bust out her nerdiest dance moves wearing her scuzziest sweats in the kitchen?  Because that's a luxury I can't live without.  It's probably better I'm just little old commoner Jules.

This is an important day.  And you know I love to commemorate important days with stupid puns!  I don't know about you guys, but I was totally throne by how many people showed up for the wedding.  Some of the girls there were queen with envy.  But William's bride got her cake and kate it too!  I hope Harry Englands himself a nice girl; someone who isn't kingdumb.  Now that the wedding is over, I have to say, I will sort of miss the princessant news coverage!

Only the Best WWW Wednesday Ever!

Whine:  I have a big fat mouth!  It's so hard to keep it closed!

Wish:  I wish I could have spilled the beans weeks ago!

Woo-hoo!  I'm having a baby!!  Another little baby!  Lucky number three!  I've been dying to tell you guys, but wasn't sure if this was the kind of thing I wanted to announce to the blogosphere.  But the bottom line is: there is just too much blog material that comes with pregnancy to NOT write about it!  This may also explain why 90% of my posts lately have been food centered (not really, but only because I made a HUGE effort to reign in the food-talk.  Now all bets are off, and you will have to hear regularly about cheese popcorn and the like.)

Also during the DWTS results show last night I saw this great and totally appropriate commercial.  They put popcorn in the microwave oven.  Just like I have a bun in the oven.  But Criss Angel had nothing to do with my situation.

This Is Not My Diary

I had such a great day today.  For starters I helped out in Molly's classroom.  Remember last time I did that?  You can read about it here.  This time I made extra double super-duper sure I was rested up and ate an enormous breakfast to avoid the extreme hunger that nearly did me in last time.  When I got home my saint of a mother-in-law had lunch (pizza!) ready to come out of the oven.  She also brought a birthday cake for Molly and we celebrated her birthday for the eighteen-hundredth time.

In the afternoon, Jim took Molly outside to play and Adrienne and I napped.  My nap was a full, heavenly hour.  Because even though I got a bajillion hours of sleep last night?  Those preschoolers suck any banked sleep right out of me.  It rocked. 

Stop.

It just occurred to me I'm breaking the #1 rule of blogging: don't treat your blog as your diary.  Sorry.  It's just that it was such a great day.  But I'll cut to the chase.  Molly and I baked these little babies and they only contributed more glory (read: chocolate) to my already rockstar day.

In lieu of a commercial today, here's the recipe, compliments of Taste of Home:

Crescent Bundle Surprises
1 tube (8oz) refrigerated crescent rolls
8 fun-size Snickers candy bars, halved (I know!  You're pumped now, right?)
1/4 cup cream cheese frosting

Separate crescent dough into 8 triangles; cut each in half, forming two triangles.  Place a candy bar half on each triangle.  Fold dough over candy and pinch corners together to seal.  Place on an ungreased baking sheet.

Bake at 375 for 15-18 minutes or until golden.  Remove to a wire rack.  Cut a small hole in the corner of a resealable plastic bag.  Fill bag with frosting; pipe over rolls.  (I skipped that and just smeared some on with a knife- that's just more my style, but whatevs!)

iLaugh at the iRider

Did everyone have a great Easter!?  Ours was fantastic.  The Easter bunny stupidly forgot the basket stuff at home two and a half hours away and didn't realize it until 10:30 Saturday night.  Luckily, Wal-Mart was miraculously open 24 hours in the sparsely populated Northern Michigan town the night before a major holiday, so Easter was saved!

My brain was fried all weekend and it's still fried today.  Happily, I found this ad that really makes all my jokes for me.  I think my favorite part is when she says her sons are "intrigued" by the iRider.  I'm sure they are.  Something tells me the boys' buddies have a habit of stopping by when their mom is squeezing in her workout.  She mentions her sons start to throw the ball a little hard at her.  Lady?  It's because they're trying to knock you off.

If you have this um... tool?  You have to tell me.  So I can tease you mercilessly inquire about its effectiveness.

Between the Sheets

My baby turns four on Sunday.  Four!  She celebrated by puking in my bed last night.  Oh don't worry, my bed is used to it from the previous night when Adrienne puked in my bed.  My bed is Puke Central.  Of course, I mostly feel bad for my poor, sick munchkins, but I also certainly feel bad for me.  And my barfy bed.  Happily, A got it all out of her system and has been a picture of health ever since.  Fingers crossed the same goes for M because who wants to be sick on her birthday/Easter?!

In celebration of my dear girl's birthday, let me just say a couple things:
* Is there anything in the world like your first born baby?  (That is my last semi-sentimental thought because I'm already crying.  Lack of sleep does that to me.)
* Molly was 12 days late to enter the world.  Twelve.  Days.  That's a lot of days when you're a giant walrus.  I tried everything including eating macaroni and cheese with A1 sauce to get her out.  Finally I bribed her: "tell you what, little baby, at some point before you turn four you can hurl in my bed.  You won't be able to do that if you never get out of my Me."
* She was born on a Tuesday and theoretically should be "full of grace."  Grace is her middle name, but that's all the grace my sweet girl has.  "Tuesday's child is full of puke" might be a more appropriate line to the rhyme.
* Her baby book (and A's too for that matter) only goes to age five.  I'm sorry, what?  Baby book people?  Do you HAVE children?  Are they NOT your babies after age five?!  It makes me insane.  I want a baby book that goes to age 65 please.  After that she can keep track of things on her own, but I think 65 is reasonable.

Have a fantastic Easter weekend, friends.  Here's hoping everyone keeps their jelly beans down.

WWW Wednesday

Whine:  Two words: Cabin.  Fever.  We are gagging for some playground fun, some sidewalk chalk, some jump rope, some bubble blowing.... something OUTSIDE!!!

Wish:  I fervently wish my butt crack wouldn't hang out of these jeans.  Embarrassing.

Woo-hoo!  I'm having dinner with my best girlfriends from high school tonight.  It's been too long since I've seen them.  So many people I know don't keep in touch with friends from high school, but these are some of my favorite people on the planet.  They knew me while I was being molded, you know?  While I was becoming me.  I had low self-esteem in those days (quite a contrast from the conceited Jules you know today!), but I always knew I couldn't be too much of a loser because I had such flippin' awesome friends.  Teen angst bonds people for life, don't you think?  I mean once you go through the drama of mad, unrequited crushes, rotten cheerleading coaches, biz-nitchity, gossipy girls, I have to believe you are bonded for life.  That kind of angst bonds like superglue.  I wouldn't let my butt crack hang out in front of anybody else.

Sunday With the Sisters

I’ve heard of this happening. I’ve read about it; I’m aware of it, and now I’m living it. I’m a little blogged out! I just don’t have much I want to blog about lately. Part of the problem has been that I’ve been crazy busy lately with (dunh dunh duuuunh) no time to watch TV! No TV watching means no commercial watching. No commercial watching means no bloggy inspiration.

So last night I sat down like a dedicated little blogger with my computer, a new episode of Sister Wives and a Dove chocolate bar. This was my favorite ad of the evening:


That William Shatner. I had no idea he was able to speak the clicky language. Is there anything he can’t do?!


On Sister Wives Meri had a colonoscopy- the smartest thing I’ve seen anybody on that show do incidentally. The family also had a dinner for their monogamous friends, (they called it a Friendship Appreciation dinner, and I choked on the cheesiness*) whom they claim didn’t know until recently they are polygamists. Puh-lease. They knew. There’s no WAY they didn’t know. There are things I don’t know about my friends, I’m sure, but I am confident they all have 0-1 husband.

And one other point. I’d rather die than have Jim watch my colonoscopy. If it weren’t for the baby at the end of the process, I would never even let him into labor and delivery.

*If you have Friendship Appreciation dinners, do not be offended. Every single thing the poly family does annoys me. If anybody else had a Friendship Appreciation dinner I would probably think it’s nice. Or at least a nice excuse for some wine.

Goooaaaal!

I want to raise my kids to be goal-oriented.  So today I sat down with Molly and asked her what she would like to accomplish (we have a loose time frame of this summer).  Are you dying to know what kinds of goals an almost four year old has?  This is what we have so far:

• Enter a hula-hoop contest (I Googled and found one on June 24, but it's open to all ages; if she gets pummelled (sp?) by a 40 year old I'm going to be ticked).
• Run a race
• Have a lemonade stand
• Go to the zoo
• Visit Molly in GA (a different Molly- my girlfriend who made my girls their tutus.  See this post).
• Drink pop "when I'm bigger"
• Learn to play a song on the piano (that one may have been my idea; I thought she was starting to slack with the "drink pop" goal).
• Tell Santa to please get me Lelli Kellys (do I have that spelling right moms of girls?  I believe they're shoes?)
• Grow a garden (you may think that was my idea too, but it was NOT!  I'm totally nervous about this one.  Mom, I'll be needing your help here!)
• Go to friends' birthday parties.

Instead of making me hungry for Arby's, this makes me want cherry pie.  In fact, I'm putting that on MY list of goals: "Make and devour cherry pie."