Stain, Stain, Go Away

We are having a painfully hot heat wave right now. It's hotter than two weasels wrestling in a wool sock. Luckily, we have wonderful friends who kindly invited us to swim in their pool yesterday. Molly splished and splashed and wore herself right out. So when she went to bed without argument and didn't get up or yell for me a bajillion times, I wasn't surprised. "The fresh air and swimming did her in!" I thought happily (and, as it turns out, stupidly). Around 10:30 she peeked her head downstairs and whispered my name. That's when I noticed her bright red fingers. Yup. My little angel painted her fingers, toes, and oh yeah, entire bed frame with love 'em and leave 'em red nail polish. The carpet, naturally, did not go unscathed and I spent a good portion of today trying to get it out. That odor you smell right now? That's the acetone I will reek of for the rest of my days.
Today's feature ad had to be stain themed and YouTube pulled this one up for me. I love the disTain with which the interviewer looks at the guy. I hope he isn't (s)tainting his reputation. If he gets the job he should celebrate by painting the town red. And he should take Mols with him.

A Tuesday Short

I love having two little girls. But this commercial makes me want a little boy SO BAD! The one on the left to be specific. Two words for you: But ton.

Scrumdiddlyumptious!

While this ad makes my mouth water, I have no choice but to give it a thumbs down. Starting with the Oompa-Loompa. Why would they pick the creepiest part of the Chocolate Factory for this short little commercial? Why not go whole hog and take us on the trippy boat ride, freak us out with some nutty squirrels, or reference a stretching machine or human juicer while you're at it WW? Really though, Oompa-Loompas scare the pants off me.
That alone would not warrant a thumbs down, but then they rob me of what I thought was my very own ridiculous word. I use "scrumdiddlyumptious" more than once a day and they just stole it out from under me! Do other people say that word? Am I a poser? My little Vocabularyville has been rocked to the core. Boo to you Willy Wonka. You can make it up to me only by supplying me with a lifetime of Option 3 with the toffee, thank you.

Orange You Glad It's Choco-Salt?

Orange is finally getting his big break! Of course he doesn't seem thrilled as it means getting a pretzel stuffed up his.... nose? Into his mouth? I can't imagine where else they would stick the salty little nugget. I understand his reluctance. His love life could go either way now. The voluptuous and tres elusive Green will either be way turned off by his... um... procedure, or she'll find his new found fame and flava super tasty. What about that Green anyway? She's like Smurfette- just a little smokeshow surrounded by fictional male animations. Lucky girls... can you imagine? They probably went to UTI of Illinois* too.


A plug: Have you tried these things yet? They're lethal. Look out Flipz.

*I read somewhere UTI had the highest male/female ratio of any college. Makes sense... what girl would want to attend a college named for a painful peeing problem?

Happy Independence Day!

My (internet-free) Fourth of July weekend is about to start! Everyone have a lovely holiday filled with food, flags, fireworks, sparklers, parades, bonfires... celebrate your independence safely and funly! A couple celebratory clips for the holiday:

Simply Gooalicious

Feelings on this ad could go either way. Do you love the blurpy sound effect (reminiscent of the fun drink technology that was the Burple*) and cherish the thought of going for a dip in super sticky, tastily scandalous caramel? Or does the squish noise evoke memories of 4th grade armpit f**ts, while the pool of caramel reminds you of a Caramello that went through the dryer, giving your favorite clothes a certain stickiness forever?

Personally, I was pleasantly disgusted by the commercial. Like when my kids are sick and they produce a tissue full of ick. I'm disgusted, of course, but simultaneously happy for the kiddo to be clearing things out. Now that you're good and repulsed, here's the ad. Which will seem like puppy dogs and rainbows compared to the picture I just painted for you.

*Wikipedia definition of Burple: Burple is a discontinued drink mix that was packaged in an expandable accordion-like plastic container. There were two sizes of Burple available, a lunchbox-size and a full-size container. To prepare the drink, the container was stretched to expand it to its full size and water was added to the concentrated liquid in the bottle. The drink was often compared to Kool-Aid and came in the flavors grape, strawberry, cherry, and orange. The label included instructions for poking a hole in the cap to convert the container into an ad hoc squirt gun after finishing the drink.

Something Fishy

It has been too long since I've seen a good talking animal commercial. Waaaaaay too long. No wonder my spirit has been feeling a little wounded, a little saggy if you will. Luckily, my parents are visiting and had the TV on to a station I don't normally watch. This opened up a whole slew of wonderful new commercials, not the least of which was the fabulous Lipton ad featuring a chorus of sealife.

To celebrate my wonderfully kooky commercial find, I brewed up a cup of Lipton green tea this morning. Adrienne begged (that is, she pointed and whined) for a sip so I, thinking I was calling her bluff, gave her a sip. My one year old proceeded to chug my entire cup of green tea. Is that weird? It took me years to just kinda sorta like the earthy taste of green tea, and she slammed the whole thing on her first go 'round! This makes me nervous. Will she also have an abnormal taste for tequila? Ashtrays? X-brand vodka? Or, gasp! Clamato juice*?!?! Speaking of clams, here's the ad:


And a seagull sequel:


*Wikipedia definition: Clamato "(a portomanteau of "clam" and "tomato") is a trademark of the Mott's company which denotes a drink made primarily of reconstituted tomato juice concentrate. It is flavored with spices and clam broth, and contains monosodium glutamate. It is also referred to colloquially as "clamato juice".