Thursday, December 31, 2009

The Results Are In....

And the 2009 Ad Bits Readers' Choice Award goes to....

BUD LIGHT! Thank you Bud Light for making swearing in the workplace absolutely hilarious! People all over the world (?) will thank you by drinking hundreds of thousands of Bud Lights this very night.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Tailgating With Toyota

Happy Three Days After Christmas! I hope this was the merriest and brightest Christmas you have ever seen. Mine was magnificent. With the exception of that post-Christmas moment when my hair follicles apparently got word from my Wii Fit that I'm 67, and my mom and sister (cheerfully!!) pointed out a gray hair atop my head. Said hair has been plucked and destroyed, however and I'm back in black! (Or red, as it were).

With the college Bowl games just around the corner and pro fans gearing up for playoffs, I thought this would be an appropriate ad series for today. And can I just get a "what what!" for Toyota? It's pretty unusual for car commercials to not do the suck-fanny waltz, but they came up with a whole bit that even the commentators get in on (I'm sure Toyota didn't pay through the tailpipe for that either, right?)

Yeah, why aren't there any fundraisers for ugly puppies? Or young girls (?!) going prematurely gray for that matter! I fully appreciate the paper bag gimmick though as a would-be Detroit Lions fan. I'm actually pretty surprised the Lions themselves don't show up with bags over their heads. It may be an improvement in fact. Certainly couldn't hurt matters.

The announcers dig this one too:

For more Great Moments in Tailgating History, do not. I repeat do not type "Great Moments In History" into YouTube's search field. There are a series of messed up, creepy faces that will show up. Just a heads up, yo.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

I Can't Believe It's Not Better

This has got to be the weirdest commercial of 2009. It's a catchy song, true, and Megan Mullalley has great cleavage, true. But at some point during the making of this ad, 1980 must have called wanting their special (?) effects back. At the end? When Megan spins across the screen turning it to a giant tub of butter? So Eighties! Not to mention the dancing (break dancing!? moonwalking!?) and oh yeah! The song choice! Obviously, they were limited in that arena as "hydrogenated" only fits in so many songs, but still....

Plus, despite her thumbs up cleavage, MM is an odd choice. Apparently producers think she can sing really well (see making of commercial clip below) but I just hear Karen's voice (imagine the dirty jokes that character would have made about a tub of butter!) trying to belt out a Glorious Gloria song. It doesn't suit her. What would suit her? Guest starring on 30 Rock as Tina Fey's doppelganger.

So is this supposed to be a funny commercial? Not a good sign if I have to ask, right? In the "making of video" it looks like the funniest parts were cut. I would love to see chubby checkout guys doing a bit on tubs of butter! The producers also mention her great comedic timing, but it's totally lost on me here. And it could have been hilarious! Butter (or margarine as it were) can grease up and open a Pandora's box full of funniness, innuendos, and puns!
At the very least the ICBINB people could have given us the multiple guy dancers (fresh off the male stripper boat!) instead of just the one. Can I get an "Amen"?

Saturday, December 19, 2009


Darling Ad Bitties! I love Christmas! I love the shopping, the wrapping, the parties, the food, and of course the commercials! Every year the Hershey kiss ad is a favorite. I want to crawl through my TV and hug these little kisses; I want to adorn my home with these lovable shiny triangular candies; I want to tug their little paper tags like a young boy pulling his crush's pigtail and then nibble their teeny tiny pointed tops. This is an extreme love for a little chocolate, I know! But that's what happens when a commercial personifies their candy. I get a little loopy.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Girl Deftly Plays Violin

This commercial was brought to my attention today (thank you Leigh Leigh Belle!) and I was going to save it for Christmas, but then I just got too excited! (Really, it's a wonder I don't give out presents as soon as I buy them). This commercial is truly beautiful. I don't know if they give out Emmys for commercials, (or even if they have Emmys in Thailand) but if they do, this one should win. It's the feel-good ad of the year.

Isn't it lovely? I adored it. What's that you say? You like it but what about Wednesday's Gift Idea you were promised? You can't very well wrap a bottle of shampoo and give it as a gift you say? Wellllll....
1. Sure you can!
2. But if you don't want to do that, let's put our heads together and think outside the shampoo bottle.
3. Oo! How about a gift certificate for that special somebody with dirty carpet to have Stanley Steemer come out and shampoo his or her rug?
4. No? Ok, how about offering to shampoo your neighbor's chihuahua this Chanukah?
5. A St. Bernard? That would be challenging. And he did cut your phone line this summer when he was landscaping.
6. Here's something- get the Pantene because I love this ad. Shampoo and conditioner. But throw in some fabulous bubble bath, a loofah, other delicious toiletries, and a gift cert for a massage. Put in basket and voila! You have Day 3 of Ad Bits' Gift Giving Guide.
7. You're welcome.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


Edit: Ok, John Mayer's sweater was not exactly the same as Wii guy's. At the time, in my head, they were identical. But still. They're quite similar.

Wardrobe Coincidences and Day 2 of Holiday Gift Ideas

I never watch Ellen, but today I was on the treadmill at a weird time and caught her interview with John Mayer (he was much funnier than I expected him to be)! Unremarkable, I know, except that he was wearing the same reindeer sweater as the guy in yesterday's Wii blog! Coincidences like this really fire me up, and being the champion Ad Bitters that you are, you put up with me! Take a looksee:

But let's get down to business. I owe you one gift idea for today. And here it is: Netflix! Buy somebody the gift of endless movies. Wrightnow!

A lovable commercial because the characters are just the right amount of stupid, it references peanut brittle, and shows a dog driving a car.

Monday, December 14, 2009

This Little Piggy Went Wii Wii Wii

I have heard complaints that some of my regular readers have not had time to read my blog due to the busy holiday season. Because it is my goal that AdBits be both entertaining and useful (the latter being a recent goal- added just seconds ago) I am kicking off the First Annual AdBits Holiday Gift Idea Week. Each day this week (except for the days I don't have time to blog), I will feature a commercial advertising a good gift idea. Never say I don't listen to my audience! Comment cards to arrive along with your Christmas card.

Our week of gift ideas commences with... Wii! (I never said they'd be creative gift ideas).

I am reluctant to recommend the Wii because mine just told me my "Fit Age" is 67. Apparently my balance was off, prompting it to ask if I had trouble walking. So it is with a touch (read: buttload) of bitterness that I admit I still love my Wii regardless of my skewed balance test results. Plus, this commercial really embodies the Christmas spirit, what with the family competitiveness and surfacing disappointment. Congratulations Wii! Thanks to... well me, you're Ad Bits' Holiday Gift Of The Day! Weeeee! (I couldn't resist).

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Are Meerkats The New Gecko?

I caught the tail end (pun fully and shamelessly intended) of this commercial the other day and when I YouTubed it to catch the rest I was (pleasantly!) surprised to find a slew of Meerkat commercials- all for different companies! Did these companies hire the same ad agency? If so, said agency needs a new shtick. I mean, they can't get by meerly on Meerkats! Oh ho ho! I'm killing myself over here! ("Yes Jules, and we're killing ourselves over here" readers reply). But what do you expect? You know commercials with funny animals make me giddy.

Here are a few others for you Meerkat lovers.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Every Barf Begins With B

There I sat enjoying The Biggest Loser season finale (Rebecca, dear girl, your hair! It's so... Single White Female) when Kay Jewelers hijacked my tube. It's too much Kay J! I can't breathe! I'm choking on all the cheeeeeese! When my nausea subsided I was left with an angry aftertaste. Their ads actually cause me physical discomfort! Every kiss may begin with Kay, but ya know what else begins with K? Knife. In my eye. Repeatedly.

Monday, December 7, 2009

These Ads Are So Cute! These Ads Are So Cute!

It is a rare occasion on which I find myself wanting my kids to be child actors, but this commercial brings all those wants rushing to the surface.

These kids are darling! And talented! And they're in commercials, not say... Poltergeist: Return of the Polters. So how much damage can be done? (Please do not reference my Dec. 2 post- I will not allow my own bloggy words to be used in a (valid- I admit it! Valid!) case against me). Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your take here), I don't have the energy to parade my kids around the show biz (unless we're talking Chuck E. Cheese- fka Show Biz) so they'll have to settle for Jules' School of Awesome Commercial Dances, in which I will train them in Gap Ads 101 and force them to perform at all family functions (and for my own spontaneous amusement). Of course, first Adrienne will need to learn to walk (she can't even sit up yet- I've got her in sitting up boot camp (thank you Bumbo!) but those are issues for another blog- maybe a Hover-Mom blog). I could have her be the girl laying on the floor during the "these boots are so cute" portion. Yes! Problem solved.

Word count: 208
Parentheses count: 7 (but I've earned it! having finally learned how to embed the YouTube videos!!!!)
Oops: make that 8

Friday, December 4, 2009

Fantasy by B.S.

It's such a cop-out to blog about Britney Spears' "Fantasy" commercial. I mean talk about picking the low hanging fruit! But it's Friday and an easy (archery?) target is just what I'm looking for- merci beacoup Madame Pickle Spears! (I've always wanted to call her that! Thank you for allowing me that artistic (?!) liberty).

So here it is: and here are a few comments on quotes from this very ad:
a) "she was beautiful"- I'm happy her time in the loony bin didn't damage Brit's esteem!
b) "there wasn't a part of her he didn't want to touch" - He lived in the woods and was not privy to the paparazzi's uncoverings! Frankly, Monsieur Hunter, she's Toxic.
c) "so he did something kind of... crazy"- Did he shave his head and jump half naked in the ocean with dozens of strangers taking photos? No? Gosh, I must be thinking of someone else....

But Britney can't (bare) shoulder all the blame- where was her agent? Where were her friends? The Mouseketeers? The nice girls from her blockbuster, "Crossroads"? Lil sis Jamie Lynn? (Ok, I get why she was unavailable- she's got enough on her own crazy plate). My point is, a girl who is notorious for being off her nut should not try to convince consumers to buy a fragrance so they too can live in a (sedative induced?) fantasy.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Filling In the Gap

Dear Mom and Dad:
Remember how angry you were with me when I dropped out of med school and decided to pursue my dancing career? You said I would never make any money, my chances of making it in showbiz were "dismal", that a mind is a terrible thing to waste! But look at me now! I'm spreading holiday cheer! I'm entertaining people, promoting cute and durable clothes, and educating the general public on December holidays. Nobody taught me about the solstice in my six years of med school and now I'm chanting about it on national television!

I plan on trying out for the next season of "So You Think You Can Dance". Because I do think I can. I trust you're eating your words now and feeling guilty. It's ok. Please just send a check covering next month's rent and heating bill and we'll call it even. I could also use some new leg warmers.

See you at Christmas (any chance of getting a First Class ticket this year? I have a better chance of being discovered if I'm in First Class).


Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Here Comes Santa Claus

December First! Nothing says, "Merry Christmas" like seasonal commercials, sucking me in, forcing me into fanatical consumerism. I know it's officially Christmastime when the little Hershey kiss bells play "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" on my television. Mars, Inc. counters with the always cute red and yellow M&Ms chatting it up (maybe the elusive and scandalous green M&M will make an appearance for the holidays)?! Target always has good curl up with hot chocolate, song-and-dance commercials (but this year are also "targeting" the thrifty buyers with a separate series of ads). The Anheuser-Busch Clydesdales will undoubtedly be coming out to play soon, reminding us all of the important role alcohol plays during the holidays, as families across the country have their obligatory get-togethers. And Macy's, the patriarch of Christmas shopping season, barely needs to advertise as the store is mentioned in nearly every holiday movie ever made, but still they do- this year featuring Queen Latifah in their first commercial of the winter (Lord help us if Latifah becomes the new face of Christmas)!

With T minus 24 days to finish shopping, we consumers must pay extra close attention to these commercials; without them we may not be aware of the darling scarves, efficient coffee makers, or ornate ornaments the retail world has to offer. I argue that now, more than ever, we must pay attention to the words of our advertisers!!! For they must have our best interest at heart.