Be On The Lookout

Your weekend assignment: look for the Cheerios commercial with the couple discussing how Cheerios lowers cholesterol (man's character is Steve). This is such an uneventful commercial it's not even on YouTube! But I need some validation. Am I crazy, or did Cheerios hire a brother/sister team to play this married couple!?!? Seriously, they could be twins. Look for it. Agree with me.

Can I Get A Witness?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDUpdicn81s
Bud Light does it again! I could have titled this blog BudBits and commented strictly on Anheuser-Busch commercials for all the material they provide! I love this one in large part because of the perfectly pathetic closing line: "I'll Facebook you"! Because isn't that the God's honest truth? Raise your hand if you've reluctantly confirmed an ex on Facebook, nervously giving him the opportunity to squirm back into your life (albeit your virtual life) after all the hard work of finally breaking up with him!

Now, if Bud Light were to do a "too light/too heavy" commercial about my life it would go something like this:
I'm relaxing at home; not looking particularly cute, perhaps indulging in a box of Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop Tarts and watching something along the lines of the Ellen DeGeneres show. There's a knock at the door. Surprised, I answer. A Jehovah's Witness ambushes me with her spiel, and all the while I'm thinking, "must.... find.... my balls". But I don't, and despite my meek (too light!!!!) protests, I'm sucked into a 2 hour long bible study with this stranger. Before I know what hit me, I'm going to hell.
Next time I'll be prepared! Next time I'm opting for "too heavy"! There will be an emphatic, "Not interested! Not even a little bit"! There will be holy water splashed in her face! There will be a firm closing of the door. There may be a rolling of the Watchtower and a swat on her derriere as she high tails it off my porch!!! And then I'll celebrate with a refreshing (inspiring!) Bud Light.

Sour Power

Do Sour Patch Kids really need commercials? I mean, the only times you eat Sour Patch Kids are when you go to the movies and buy them, or you get drunk and make the DD stop at a 7-11 on your way to Taco Bell so you can run in for some, or you get knocked up and guiltily binge on them until the ultrasound technician hands you baby's first picture and the uncanny resemblance to a Sour Patch Kid scares you into swearing them off... until your next pregnancy.
Despite these very secure niche markets, Sour Patch Kids do have ads on the tube these days. And good ones at that! Check 'em out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jV_u9EDE2Z8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXIACAFufjY&feature=related

Here are a few other sweet and sour ad ideas I, for one, would like to see:
1. High school Sour Patch Kid eggs a house, then brings victims omelets in the morning.
2. College SPK drunkenly pees in girl's backpack, then sweet talks her into dinner the next night.
3. Gangsta SPK slashes one's tires... is caught and blows tires up (using sweet and sour gummi substance rather than air!)
4. Stoner SPK eats one's complete stash of SPK in a fit of munchies... then uses his mad gummi connections to arrange lifetime supply of Sour Patch Kids for victim.

First they're sour... then they're sweet!

Trident: Making the Medicine Go Down

There is little I love more than a well-orchestrated, cheesealicious commercial. Take this one for instance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qq55mIxT33M. I mean, who doesn't dream of teaching their smiley, wink-adept kids to bounce in perfect alternating sync on the couch? Also, like the gum, their commercial scores points for having multiple colors: the white family, black delivery guy, Asian electrician (?), and the racially ambiguous chimney sweep. And speaking of our Dick Van Dyke wannabe, how bad do you want to watch Mary Poppins after seeing that ad? No? Just me? Well, take this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=te_Nv3lMUnA

An aside: Isn't it about time TRIdent came up with a three layer gum? Duh.

One Hell Of A Commercial

For you weekend beer warriors: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJJL5dxgVaM
How f***ing awesome is this commercial? I'm sure as he** it never made it to TV, because of dumba** regulations, but thanks to my kicka** blog you can see for yourself it is in fact, funny s**t.

Palm Pre: Trick? Or Treat?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--Y3zasKbb0&feature=related
In the spirit of Halloween I was going to blog about the high creepy factor of this commercial. (Let it be known too, that I'm a wee bit upset Pre would pick a redhead as their alien-esque spokesmodel- like we don't have enough stereotypes to bust open! Just throw scary, rambling martian into the mix why don't you?)
But then I YouTubed the ad and thought the viewers' comments captured the icky essence of the commercial better than I ever could. Here are a few examples:

• She looks like a vampire or something. Why didn't she put on more blush? This is such a creepy commercial. I would never want to buy this phone. (Julie's note: I don't think she's talking about a sexy, Culleny vampire either).
• Hey look! Maculey Culkin! What's he doing here in a Palm commercial? (J: I'm not sure who should be more offended here- MC or actress?)
• This doesn't make me want to purchase a Palm Pre as much as it's inspiring a phobia of segmented, flow-less lines delivered by a surprisingly pale actress (J: actress? I thought that was a lady-shaped marshmallow speaking)
• What a terrible and terrifying advertisement (J: word).

Baby Love, My Baby Love

Top 5 reasons to love the baby in E-Trade's commercials:
1. The baby has a man's voice, but they somehow make it not creepy, and for that I thank you E-Trade. Nobody likes a creepy baby (do you hear me MTV?)
2. Baby uses slang like, "coin" and "shankopotomus" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTlybfThauM&feature=channel which is extraordinarily funny coming from a toothless little mouth.
3. Our guy remains vulnerable to his audience, unlike your typical, snobbish, superstar commercial actor (ha ha). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4GZfvXx9Js&feature=related
4. How about those mad technology skills!? Trading online, clever web cam usage, hip to the cell phone scene... he's unstoppable! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_yA4BAN7BY And honestly? Truly? Aren't we all just waiting for the day (probably sometime pre-kindergarten) when our kids surpass us in the world of technology, and we no longer have to pay the GeekSquad for house calls?
5. Little buddy is diversified, and not just in his portfolio- check out his black buddy with the golden pipes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yhfl4mFH1No&NR=1

Game On.

I have never had the pleasure of flying Southwest, but from what I hear it sounds like quite the experience! I'm game for some singing flight attendants- it beats making uncomfortable small talk with the peopleofwalmart.com star I'm inevitably sitting next to. Happily, Southwest's commercials only endorse my trust in their entertaining abilities. For instance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4YdLg-DPPk Please note the gentleman at second 28 in the sweater vest. His crooked smile is worth a few thousand frequent flyer miles at the very least.

Up Up and Away

I was unsure about what commercial would be featured as today's AdBit. Then, while watching Community, it hit me like a lead balloon. (Ha ha! As you read on, you'll find that is actually kind of funny).
I've long loved Julia Louis-Dreyfus because she's hilarious, yes; because she made my best dance moves famous, yes; because her name is strikingly similar to mine, yes; but mostly I love JLD because she is my sister. Sorority sister that is. (Hot damn, Delta Gam!) So obviously I love her commercials for Healthy Choice meals. Here she is with comedy powerhouse Jane Lynch, tag teaming potential Healthy Choice consumers: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7S7kLnbHBXY
Louis-Dreyfus' brand new HC ad (not even on YouTube yet!) seemed particularly appropriate today as it shows a hot air balloon in the background dropping tiny samples of Healthy Choice meals. (See where I'm going with this yet? I'll drive it home for ya). Sooooo.... while I heart Julia, I think in light of recent events a more fitting spokesperson is the Colorado balloon boy! http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33330516/ns/us_news-life/?GT1=43001

Best BK Commercials- Buns Down.

I know, I know! I just blogged about people in funny costumes yesterday! But it got me thinking about the hilarity that is the Whopper Jr. I am actually off the Burger King right now because of their creepy masked King commercials, (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4_5qoy4oaQ) and also because I am convinced they are using a lower quality (and dark!) meat now in my beloved chicken sandwich. (I allow myself one every decade as they are absolutely disgusting for the ol' ticker). But all this doesn't mean I don't get my kicks off guys in burger costumes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfS_7Jb4JCk&feature=PlayList&p=41BA4A46A0C01EE3&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=17
Truly, they cannot have too many bun puns. I laughed at every last one. What's more is that Whopperness is apparently a recessive gene as Mom and Sis are fleshy (as opposed to... meaty?).
So here and now I am starting my campaign to get creepy King off my screen and the Whopper family on screen and into the hearts of Americans. But not literally. Because too much of that stuff will kill you. Really.

Jimmy Dean. Rock On. Rock On.

I've long thought JD's commercials featuring personified heavenly bodies were cute. But the one I saw today won them a (coveted?) spot in AdBits' archives. Take a look: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bSv2xRui_Y Cute, right? With the "blue" rainbow, etc. But then! They throw in a leprechaun!? And suddenly a good commercial becomes a great commercial! I particularly love that he has a teeny, tiny office door. Kills me. Good craic.

Here are a few more Jimmy Dean commercials for your viewing pleasure:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btXC_Y4BetQ&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-Oi7LVq_rM&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XP55RtN0oXU&feature=related

Macy's Celeb Mania

Macy's! How many celebs can you pack into one commercial?! Even The Beatles make a contribution with "Come Together" serenading viewers. I'd love to see the egos in action during the making of this commercial. You know Martha and Emeril were duking it out over how to make the crab puffs puffier; and Mariah and Queen Latifah are arguably the two biggest divas in the biz! The Queen got the cushy throne this time, but not without threatening physical violence I trust. J. Simpson gives a nod to her recent affair with football, and somewhere Tony Romo is groaning as he realizes he'll forever be associated with Jess. Whatever you think about Donald Trump, I've got to give him props for having a sense of humor regarding the ol' hairpiece.
And speaking of piece, being that they were able to bring these conflicting personalities together, I vote for Macy's marketing team to receive the next Nobel Peace Prize. I mean, why not!?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JGhFOaKC2A

Calling All Celebrities

With the economy in the tank right now, it is clear to me that many companies are cutting their advertising budgets as there seems to a cool commercial drought. Consumers are pinching their pennies and spending less on entertainment, so even the Hollywood crowd is seeing a decrease in income. For celebrities looking to make a couple extra bucks (to pay off their Bentleys or their bookies) doing product endorsements, I have these recommendations:

Britney Spears for Hanes: "When I do wear underwear, I make it Hanes"!
Madonna for GNC: "Buy your supplements here and you can be ripped and veiny like me".
Tom Hanks for Ballpark Franks. Because it rhymes and I think it's funny.
David Letterman for Tiffany's: "For when you've screwed up really bad".
Jon Gosselin for Marlboro: "When you're creating a new bad boy image, smoke Marlboros".
Kevin Federline for Big Lots: "Wife beaters- 10 for $2".
Al Gore for Pillsbury: I think he'd make a great new dough boy.
Kanye West for Wite-Out: "Oops".
Lady GaGa for Trojan: "For his and her pleasure".

Burlington Fib Factory

Such. A. Long. Day. Consequently, I have no tolerance for the distreatment of words (whew, stupid humor is still in tact).
Burlington Coat Factory: I don't shop with you anymore because your return policy sucks. Even though you do seem to have good deals, and I am tempted sometimes. And I admit, when I did break down and throw you some business I wound up with the most supportive nursing bras I own. But I digress!!! I am annoyed with you because you claim department stores are "extinct" in your latest commercials. You can't claim that! It's not true! Just the other day, I used a year-old gift certificate at Macy's! We get your point, but still- you could try "endangered" or "in danger of extinction" or "passe". But to throw the Barneys, Younkers, and Saks of the world into the same category as Dodo birds or Michael Jackson, is to spew out false information. And for that (and because you would not accept an attempted return about 15 years ago) you are on my Naughty List.

Take It In Stride

For years and years, companies refused to put anything in a commercial that would make them look even a tiny bit negative. What I love about Stride gum is they advertise their own hirees kicking the crap out of customers to get them to chew a new piece of gum. This is a two-fer for me. I love gum that's taste lasts longer than it took me to unwrap it. (Are you listening Fruit Stripe gum? One swallow of delicious fruity flavored spit and the ride is over!) Secondly, I love funny commercials. Here are a few of Stride's:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojgi16des-U
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mBSi1HjdAQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyBam4aEXTk

Oo! Oo! And here's something else I love about these commercials! Their liberal use of foreigners (or wild animals as the case may be) as hitmen! Getting roughed up is one thing; getting roughed up by people in funny costumes with funny accents is a totally different and much more enjoyable thing.

Pop sTART Your Day

As if I needed another reason to love Pop Tarts. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_ZXtRGlegE How cute is this little kid? I must get myself a little boy. And he must dance out of bed and into my kitchen every morning.

The Pop Tart camp has a new ad now with more cartoon cuties but they're just sub par compared to my little break-it-down boy. I couldn't find the new commercial on YouTube, so here's a throwback from 1967. (I know! I didn't know PTs were so old either! Do you think the Beatles were Pop Tart fans? I bet they're dee-lish when you've got the munchies!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rsJ2yZwSruI